I'll Let You Live.

We sat around the merch table since the boys had a few hours before their show. It wasn't as hot here as in New York so we could actually sit outside and not die.

Of course, Oli and Matty had decided to walk around probably to see if they could find girls or groupies as I would call them.

"Tom! Stop wif tha pictas!" Lee said swatting his camera causing me to laugh.

"Fine. I'll take pictas of my prettah bird." He said giving me a grin and I rolled my eyes.

"Cannot get use ta that." Lee mumbled.

"Yeh?! Imagine Oli. Yeh shag a girl for months and then bam! she's datin yeh brotha!" Jona said and I groaned, burying my face into my hands.

Like I said, everyone knew...

"First of all, we slept together a few times not months and second of all, well it's none of your business! And third, we don't like each other!"

"Lie, maybe true and definitely a lie." Jona shot back and I groaned as I got up out of my chair.

"Be back. I'm going to murder Oli." I said to Tom and he chuckled as I began my search for that idiotic boy. I mean, was it necessary for him to tell everyone and make me look like a slut? I think not.

I found him trying to charm a girl who didn't even look legal and I didn't hesitate to stomp over to him. He looked surprised to see me as I approached.

"I need to talk to you." I said crossing my arms.

"I'm kind of in tha middle of somefin..."

"How old are you?" I asked the girl and she spoke softly, "17."

"Yeah illegal Oli. So no, you're not in the middle of anything but a law suit and a bad idea." I said pulling him away from the girl and behind some bands bus so no one would see me ranting at him.

He glared at me and I spoke, "was it necessary to tell everyone in your band we slept together?

His annoyed look was quickly replaced with a smirk, "oh yeh mad?"

"Yeah!"

"Well can't take it back now."

"And if you told them it went on for months no telling what else you told them!"

"Juss that yeh reallah flexible." He said smirking.

I shoved him and he grabbed my wrist, "ok. Ok. My bad. Yeh right. Shouldn't have told them. But honestly all I told them was that we slept togetha. Nuffin else. I'm not that much of a bastard."

"You sure about that?" I asked crossing my arms.

He sighed, "yeah. I juss told them we were sleepin' togetha cause I heard one of'em call yeh fit and I didn't want them ta try anyfing on yeh." He said shrugging.

Why must he say things like that?

I bit my lip and he brought his hand to my cheek as he stepped closer to me.

"I miss kissin' yeh. Why yeh gotta be wif Tom? Was I not good enough?" He asked randomly.

"Oli, see Tom wants a relationship not just a fling."

"Yeh not a fling." He said seriously.

"Fine, friends with benefits."

His eyes narrowed as if he was debating carefully on what to say.

"Yeh neva had an issue before..."

"Right. But I can't be in a relationship and sleep with you."

"Have yeh slept wif him?" He asked and I shook my head no.

He tugged on his beanie and I bit my lip waiting for him to break the silence.

"Don't." He said bluntly and I raised an eyebrow, "why not?"

I mean I wasn't planning on it, but still, I had to challenge him.

"I juss, don't want yeh to ok?"

"I'm afraid that isn't a good reason."

He rolled his eyes, "yeh infuriate meh. Yeh know that?!"

"I didn't do anything! I mean come on, what if I told you, hey Oli i'd like you not to have sex with anyone. Thanks."

He rolled his eyes, "if it meant I could keep yeh I'd be ok wif it."

I stared at him wondering what he meant by that but before I could ask he quickly spoke, "juss forget it. Do whateva." He said before walking off.

I sighed. He was going to drive me insane.

I finally made my way back to the merch table my head filled with Oli's words. Of course once my eyes landed on Tom all of that seemed to disappear.

"Did you shag him?" Tom asked and I rolled my eyes, "no."

"Wow. We're on the road to recovery!"

"Shut up." I said laughing as I sat in his lap but in a way, he was right, well I hoped he was right.

"I dont think he likes the idea of me and you."

"Rellah? What gave that away?" He teased and I laughed, "who knows!"

I sighed and Tom spoke once more, "what's wrong?"

I shrugged as Oli walked up without Matty. His eyes landed on mine before he sat down and I looked at Tom.

"Oh yeh over fink everyfing." Tom whispered as he pulled me to his chest.

"I can't help it."

He kissed my temple as. Relaxed against him. It was hard not to think about Oli when I could feel his piercing stare which I was pretending not to notice.

"Hey Lexi, wanna go see uh, The Word Alive wif me?" Jona asked and I nodded eagerly. Simply because I wanted to get away from Oliver.

"Wanna come?" I asked Tom as I got up.

"No fanks love. Go play wif Jona."

I kicked him lightly and he laughed as I walked away with Jona.

"I thought you didn't like the word alive?" I asked and he laughed, "I don't, but it was so awkward over there I had to leave."

"Oh you felt that to?"

He laughed, "all I'm sayin' is I hope yeh know what yeh doin..."

Yeah, so did I. Although I never planned on any of this happening.



I couldn't help but feel something over all of this. I know it wasn't like me to do so, but I was. I just wasn't sure what those feelings were or meant. All I was sure of was that they weren't the good kind.

Once Alexis was far enough I looked over at Tom.

"What tha fuck are yeh doin'?"

"Huh?" My brother asked with a questionable expression.

"Alexis."

"Oh. I mean, I dunno yet."

"Yeh don't know yet? Do yeh even like her?" I asked glaring at him.

"Course I do Oli! When I like someone I don't juss like them ta get in their pants I actuallah like them!"

"Let meh tell yeh somefin Tom, if yeh hurt her i'll kill yeh, yeh got meh?"

He laughed, "you hurt her everyday so gonna kill yehself too?"

For once I couldn't find words to speak because I knew he was partly right and that didn't settle well with me.

"Right. Yeh must live in some imaginary bubble where yeh actuallah treat her right. Because in reality yeh a shitty friend or whateva yeh two are." Tom said before getting up quickly and dragging Lee off somewhere leaving me alone.

I didn't treat her bad. I mean, did I?

I forced myself to breathe as I tried to retrace my steps from the past few days with her.

I winced as I was hit with mostly me yelling at her and for some reason it caused my heart to hurt.

We were just complicated is the best way to put it. That and I now know never to sleep with a friend. It was different with her though. I felt different sleeping with her than any other girl. I wanted to hold her and whisper to her afterwards and say things I didn't say to anyone else.

It scared me actually and yet I couldn't stop the process. It became routine. It became routine because it started coming down to the fact that i'd sleep with her just for the aftermath. Just because I was too scared to admit that maybe I did just want to hold her and kiss her.

It terrifed me to no end. Yet, I couldn't let it stop. I didn't want it to but apparently it wasn't enough for her.

I couldn't express my feelings the way Tom could. So it only made sense as to why she wanted him.

I needed to find someone else. Someone to replace her. Maybe that's all it would take...I was hoping so anyways.

I mean, if she was happy with Tom, why couldn't I be happy? Why couldn't I act like what happened between us was nothing?

I sighed and leaned back in my chair. This was why I don't involve myself in any sort of relationship...