You've Got Me, Right Where You Need

“Its hard to explain, but I guess I could try. It’s like there’s 3 levels. There awake, asleep, and this sort of hazy in-between place. And when im there, everything feels fuzzy, and it quieter, but if I don’t fall asleep when im there within a certain time, there’s a flash of white light and im fully awake again. And sometimes there’s crashing noises that wake me up to. But in the mornings I just wake up normally, just a little earlier than usual people.”

Sonnie had made me call the hospital again and they and set me up an appointment with a specialist. I was currently sat in his office trying my hardest to explain something that didn’t really make sense. His name was Dr. Robertson and he had no hair, but a longish white beard and matching eyebrows. He had a friendly voice and caring eyes, and he nodded at the appropriate times. He sat and listened to me, scribbling down notes on what I was trying to say, but even I knew what I was saying didn’t really sound like it made sense.

“Ok violet, well I must admit, ive never come across someone with these symptoms before. Insomnia can be a connected to other medical issues, some inherited. Im going to send you for tests, and I’ll contact you when the results are through” he smiled kindly at me and then showed me back to reception, where me made some appointments for some tests in the next few weeks.

After another quick chat about the tests, we said out goodbyes and I made my way to the waiting room. Sonnie had insisted on coming, but I told him he needed to go to uni and I would be fine by myself. But there was one person who wouldn’t take no for an answer. He texted me that morning to ask if I could do him a favour, but when I said I had a hospital appointment, he had insisted on coming. Josh was sat in the waiting room, earphones in, blocking out the rest of the world. As soon as I walked in, his head shot up like he could sense me.

“Hey, so what happened?” he asked as he led me out of the hospital.

“Not much, I have to go for some tests, but for now things are gonna pretty much stay the same” I could hear him sigh quietly and when I looked up his lips were pursed.

“You wanna grab something to eat?” he asked, slinging an arm around my shoulders. I nodded my head and he grabbed my hand, pulling me along to a small café. I hadn’t eaten since breakfast and it was now coming up half 4 so I was in desperate need of food.

Inside it was pretty empty; only about 4 other people inside so thankfully it was quiet. “Go sit, ill order” he smiled so I went and grabbed a table near the back. And soon as I sat down a wave of tiredness washed over me. I rested my head on the table and shut my eyes, trying to clear my mind of everything. I could feel myself drifting off, but soon I felt josh slide into the seat in front of me. My head snapped up and he placed a cup of tea in front of me. “Tired?” he questioned with a smile. I just nodded and yawned which only made him im laugh more. “What time where you up this morning?”

“About half 3” he shut his eyes and shook his head, like he was annoyed with the world. He reached out and took my hand, running his thumb across my knuckles softly, almost as if he was afraid I would break. I could feel a lump rising in my throat so I swallowed hard. I looked up at josh, and he stared right back at me with a fiery intensity in his eyes. We were quickly snapped out of our trance by the waitress who placed out orders in front of us. We ate in silence, until it was time to pay. I got out my purse to pay but josh paid for it all before I had a chance. I tried shoving the money into his hands but he refused.

“Come on you, we better get you home” he smiled, and we left. “I’ll call a cab” josh said and pulled his phone out. I didn’t realise how late it was until we got outside, but I didn’t care, it wasn’t like I needed to get up early in the morning, I had it on the cards that I would no matter what.

I had always loved this time of day, when the suns almost set, and the skies is still blue but for some reason it feels dark, and everything’s hazy and bathed in a orangey glow. I took a seat on the nearest bench and took in my surroundings, sighing contently, feeling more like myself than I had all day. Josh took a seat next to me and I heard him gasp quietly. I looked up at his face and had to contain my own gasp. His face was bathed in the light of the setting sun and I swear I have never seen anything more beautiful. He was looking around in awe and I wanted to jump on him and attach my lips to his. I gripped my seat and tried to peal my eyes from him.

“Everything is so pretty at this time of day” he commented and the turned to me, “cab will be here in 5.” I nodded and we sat there watching the sun fall further into the horizon, my eyes slowing closing.

Next thing I knew josh was shaking me awake, and pulling me into the cab. I got in first, and sat behind the driver, and josh sat in the middle. He put his arm around me and I rested my head on his shoulder. “Go back to sleep” he whispered in my ear, and that’s exactly what I did.

The next morning I woke up on someone’s sofa, still in the same clothes as yesterday, and a blanket thrown on me. I sat up carefully and took in my surroundings, but not recognising where I was. I stood up and checked the time, seeing it was half 4 in the morning.

I really had no idea where I was, so I walked around to try and find a clue, but I was interrupted by josh walking in, wearing only his boxers. I could feel myself turning red and I tried looking anywhere but him. “Sorry I didn’t mean to wake you”

“It’s alright” he smiled, “I was awake anyway”

“I urh, better be going” I smiled, then gathered up my things, and then turned to josh who hadn’t even attempted to get dressed. I smiled and then turned to leave, but josh grabbed my wrist.

“Um, where’s my good bye hug?” he asked playfully, before wrapping his arms around me. I thought I was going to die. My hands touching his bare skin, my face on his bare chest. I could feel myself hyperventilating so I stepped back mumbling I something and rushed out.

I rushed home and grabbed a quick shower, shredding myself of liana’s borrowed clothes, because I had nothing appropriate to wear yesterday, before changing into a grey tee, some teal skinny’s and black vans. My hair was an unruly mess and I had no time to fix it so I chucked on a grey beanie before leaving the house again. I was almost there when I could hear the sounds of a skateboard coming up behind me. They zoomed past in a flash and then turned around to stop right in front of me.

“Ello love” Sonnie smiled and pulled me into a hug. “Sorry I didn’t call yesterday, my parents came to visit” he mumbled into my ear. The fact he was close made the butterflies in my stomach ignite, and they only fluttered harder when I tired to pull back but he just hugged me tighter.

“Come on I have to go to work” I giggled and he pulled back before grabbing my hand and pulling me along.

“So what did they say yesterday then?” he questioned squeezing my hand a little tighter. I proceeded to tell him what im sure I would repeat about a million times today, and by the time I was finished we were at work.

“Ill come round tonight yeah, we can talk about it then.” He kissed the end of my nose, making me blush, and set his skateboard down.

“I didn’t know you skated”

“Im man of many talents” he winked before skating off.

Work went by in a flash and soon enough I was home again. Liana was staying with Freddy that night so I was home alone again. At about half 6 Sonnie came round like he promised, but he looked kinda scared and nervous. We sat on the sofa, and he was bobbing his legs up and down furiously. I put my hands on them to make him stop and he snapped his head up at me. “Hey, what’s wrong?” I questioned and he just shook his head and bit the inside of his cheek.

I removed my hands from his knee and sat back. There was a sudden strange aching in my chest and the panic set in. truth is I really liked Sonnie, like really liked him. I wasn’t sure what to make of him at first but he had defiantly grown on me. But just like always he had got bored of me, but didn’t know how to tell me. It was a similar feeling that I felt with josh, the fact that I knew he would never love me, and even though it was sort of different, it all hurt the same.

I sat staring at the wall, the TV being the only thing providing any noise, and as I was about to get up when he turned to me. “Do you like me?”

I raised my eye brows and stared at him dumbfounded. “What?” I questioned, a slight laugh escaping my lips.

“Its just I really, really like you” he said turning to me and rubbing the back of his neck before he took one of my hands. “I guess what im trying to say is that, I want us to be more than friends. Freddy always tells me about liana and how she makes him feel, and it’s exactly how you make me feel.”

I could feel my face heating up and I tried to speak but nothing came out. He smiled shyly and looked up at me through his eyelashes. “I guess what im trying to say is, will you be my girlfriend?” he blushed a deep shade of red as soon as the words left lips, and my own face heated up even more. He look at me with pleading eyes, and just I was about to answer, the door bell went. He huffed and fell back on the sofa, bringing the brim of his hat down to cover his face. I quickly rushed to the door and opened it to the last person I ever expected to see. If my face was red before, it was probably ghostly white now.

“w-what are you doing here?” I whispered but she only smiled that familiar devilish smile.

“Can I not drop in and see my little sister?” she asked in a newly thick Australian accent.

Coral was my sister, and 4 years older than me. She moved to Australia with my parents and I haven’t really spoken to her since. For some reason she had never really liked me, we never established that sisterly bond. I could tell by the look in her eyes she was only here to cause trouble, but I couldn’t turn her away, even though if it was the other way around, im sure she would have shut the door in my face by now.

She didn’t wait for any invitations, and walked inside. I shut the door behind her, whilst she shrugged her jacket off. She hadn’t changed at all. Her hair was still obnoxiously big and dyed darker than it should be, her face caked in make up that was a few shades to dark. Her eyes were lined thickly, and her eyelashes looked they were about to break under the amount of mascara on them. The fake ones that were glued over them looked synthetic and cheep. Her lips were bright pink and made the whole look made her look like someone at the make up counter had attacked her.

But that want the worst bit. It was what she was wearing. She had a cropped black plaid shirt on with the tiniest pair of shirts on I’d ever seen. The boots she was wearing looked cheep, but probably cost a bomb and no doubt it was my parent’s money because coral could never hold down a job. The funniest thing was she still looked about 12. Before I could say anything else she sauntered off into the lounge where Sonnie was.

“Well, well, well, who’s this?” she questioned

I ran in after her and saw Sonnie was now stood up with a look of what only can be described as confusion on his face. I looked at him and sent him an apologetic smile.

“Sonnie, this is my sister coral” I then moved so I was standing next to him and facing her. “Coral, this is Sonnie, my boyfriend”

I turned and looked up at him, and he was smiling the most brilliant smile I had ever seen. He grabbed my hand and squeezed it lightly, before we both looked back at coral, whose mouth was set in an angry line.