You've Got Me, Right Where You Need

“You mean to tell me that you went to school with josh?” I simply nodded at Zahra who was staring it me in disbelief. “Then why didn’t you say anything on Friday?”

We were back home, all huddled on the sofa, drinking hot chocolate. Once I had returned to the girl, I told them I about the guy on the dance floor and that I wanted to go home. They didn’t say anything about josh, until we got inside. I had to tell Zahra and liana about how Charlie and I had gone to school with him, and then I had to tell Charlie about how josh was now in a band. Zahra was more upset about the fact I hadn’t told her I knew josh than the fact I was chased around the club by some drunk man.

“I don’t know Zahra, I didn’t really think about it” I smiled.

“I never liked josh” Charlie said absentmindedly. Liana giggled at the look Zahra was now giving Charlie. “What, he was a prick at school, right violet?” Charlie had no idea how I felt about josh, infact, I always told her that I didn’t like him, so I just nodded.

“Well I think he’s amazing” Zahra gushed. It was about half 4 in the morning now, and I could feel sleep starting to crash down on me. I looked around the room to see Charlie already passed out and Liana well on the way. I shut my eyes and felt the world slip away from me.

I woke up half an hour later, draped across the sofa. Charlie was where she had been before and Zahra was sprawled on the floor, looking extremely uncomfortable. I got up and moved her to where I was, and tucked a blanket round her, before chucking one over Charlie too.

After slipping my stupid shoes off, I padded up the stairs and snuck a glance in liana’s room. Sure enough she was all tucked up and fast asleep in her bed. I entered my own room, and changed into shorts and a tee before slipping under the covers. I laid there for about half an hour, trying to fall asleep again, but my body clearly not wanting me too. I angrily threw the covers back and went to make myself a cup of tea.

Instead of sitting by the front door like I usually do, I went back up to my room. Josh wouldn’t leave my mind. I could still feel where his hands had been, and I trailed the path, a smiled lightly touching my lips. I had never been that close to him before, well apart from when we used to sit next to each other and he would put his arm around the back of my chair to steady himself whilst he rocked back on his.

I caught myself and shook my head. What was I doing? Thinking about josh like some love-struck teen, that was what, and it was stupid. I used to love it when I thought about him, but now I just wanted him out of my head. I looked at the clock and it read 5:13. I knew I wasn’t going to be getting any sleep, so I jumped up and slid on my vans and grabbed my phone before running down the stairs. Charlie and Zahra were still snuggled up on the sofa, so I tried to make as little noise as possible as I snuck out of the front door.

I lay in the front garden just watching the clouds roll past. I didn’t really care if anyone walked past and saw me; I was too tired to think, but too tired to sleep. My phone buzzed in my pocket and I pulled it out, revealing a text form a number I didn’t know.

Hey violet its josh
I know it might seem weird me texting you right away, but im going away for a few days so I wont be able to text you later. Hope your still ok after tonight’s antics.
So um ill text you when im back home and we’ll have a good old chin wag yeah?
Speak soon x

My heart fluttered at the fact he had put a kiss at the end, but I shook my head feeling stupid a few seconds afterwards. I mulled over weather to text him back now or later. I didn’t wanna make him think I was weird, texting back right away, so I left it 10 minutes before I couldn’t wait anymore.

Hey
That’s cool, ill speak to you soon
Have fun away, and ill speak to you soon
x

I got a reply a reply within 30 seconds.

Why are you up now, its half 5, shouldn’t you be asleep? X

I smiled lightly before texting him back.

I can’t sleep x

I looked up at the sky and realised how much lighter the sky had gotten. It was now an ashy blue colour, and the sun was crawling higher in the sky. I felt the familiar buzz of my phone and smiled to myself.

Ahhh that’s not good
Well my flights just been called
Ill talk to you later
X

A smiled again and sat up. It was odd how happy he made me feel, even only after a few texts. I heard a door open behind me, and Charlie walked out. “What are you doing out here?” she asked confused. I hadn’t told Charlie about my sleeping habits, liana was the only one who knew and that was only because she lived with me. I tried to think of something to tell her, but couldn’t think of anything. I hated lying to her but I knew she would worry. I racked my brain thinking of what to say, when something clicked.

“I was just on the phone to my mum” my parents had moved to Australia two years ago, taking my older sister with them, but I didn’t really speak to them anymore, they were always off having fun, and living their lives. I didn’t resent them for it though, I mean I was an adult now; I didn’t need to be bringing them down. Plus I could not in Australia for love nor money.

“Oh, is everything alright?” Charlie knew when they called it was usually something important. I just nodded and smiled.

“She just wanted a chat” I could see Charlie eyeing me sceptically out of the corner of my eye, so I changed the subject. “so what you doing up?”

“Ali called, he wants to see me”

“What, now?”

“Yeah, said he missed me” she smiled wistfully.Ali Fraser was Charlie’s boyfriend. They had been together since year 10 and had been pretty much inseparable. They had a very odd relationship though, it seemed very intense and like they will kill themselves to make the other happy. But they were good together so who am I to judge? She gave me a quick hug before she jumped up and walked off.

The thing I hated about not being able to sleep was the intense boredom I felt. I was so tired, but I just couldn’t sit still, or try and sleep. I felt like I had to be doing something. And Sundays were the worst. I didn’t work on Sundays, so I had nothing to do all day. I had planed to go for a walk and test out my new camera today, and I couldn’t sit around and wait anymore. It was still early, only just about 6, but I didn’t care anymore. I slipped back inside and rushed upstairs to take a shower.

I liked showers. I liked the way the warm water loosened my mussels and make me fell slightly more awake. I hoped out and rushed into my room to get dry and changed. I pulled out a pair of jeans and a grey jumper, before grabbing my camera and my bag, and slipping my vans back on. I even chucked a little bit of eyeliner on. I had become attached to it ever since Charlie showed me how to put it on last night. I left a note by the table by the door telling whoever read It that I would be back whenever. I made my way through the mostly empty streets, and into the more rural area of my town. There was a forest bit on the outskirts and I was there within 5 minutes of leaving my house.

Id never been one for art or photography, but I like to find the beauty in everyday things, so I thought id capture it forever. That, and tom barns had shown me his stuff and I was completely in awe of it. He had even shown me how to use my camera properly. I begrudged paying so much for it, but I figured it would be worth it in the end.

I used to come here all the time when I had had a fight with my Sister. People say im too grown up for my own good, and I think that’s why we used to fight all the time. She was too immature and I was to mature. She lives in Australia now with my parents, and out relationship is better than ever. I guess I needed to be away from people to get along with them.

I jumped onto a fallen over tree and had to steady myself. I was so weak from the lack of sleep, but I told myself I was fine. I snapped a few pictures and yawned every so often. I sat on the tree that I was standing on and just sat for a while, admiring the view. The wind picked up but I dint mind the cold. Infact I couldn’t really feel anything. That’s the thing when you haven’t slept properly in a while, you sort of feel disconnected from the world, like you know you’re there, but you don’t feel like you are. Like you’re watching yourself instead of actually being yourself, and no matter how hard you try to tell someone, they won’t understand.

I stood up again, making my way back through the forest. I walked and walked trying to get out of the forest but for some reason I couldn’t. I felt so disconnected and I was getting more lost with every step I took. My mind was buzzing but my vision was becoming blurred. I could sense myself not walking in a straight line any, but however hard I tried, I couldn’t seem to stop.

My legs felt weak, really weak, but my mind was doing over time. I started to panic, my breathing got faster and heavier, my whole body started to shake. I sunk to the ground and tried to take some deep breaths to calm myself. After a while it worked and I just lay on the floor, not moving. My eyes started to droop and before I knew it, the world had slipped away from me.

“She’s waking up, get the nurse” I heard liana say. It sounded muffled though, like someone had stuffed cotton wool in my ears. I slowly opened my eyes. The room was dim, im must have been night time cause the curtains were closed, but the light in the room was on. I looked down at myself, and there were tubes in my hands. Liana was next to me, and Zahra was at the end of the bed I was in. the door burst open and a few nurses plus Charlie came inside.

The three girls left after the nurses asked them too, and they then started prodding me and asking questions. I wanted to sit up, to move around a little bit but every time I tired they pushed me down and told me to stay where I was. “What’s going on, why am I here?”

Two nurses left and one sat in the chair where liana had once been. “Violet, my name is Nurse Sammy and I will be looking after you for the time that you’re in here. Now do you know what day it is?” I thought hard about it before answering. “Last time I checked it was Sunday morning.” Sammy just nodded, and scribbled something down on some paper. “I take it that’s wrong then?” she just laughed and nodded.

“It’s Wednesday evening” she said matter-of-factly. My eyes grew wide, what the hell was going on? She carried on asking me questions, but there was one I had no idea how to answer.

“So violet, how long have you had insomnia for?” for that I had no answer. I just stared at her blankly. She raised her eyebrows and nodded. “Ok then lets put it this way, how long have you had trouble sleeping for?”

“A while. Um I guess ive always had trouble sleeping, like getting off to sleep, but in the past few months ive been waking up really early so ive only been getting a few hours sleep a night”

“Did anything happen that you remember to trigger that off?”

“I don’t think so, nothing springs to mind”

“Alright then” she smiled lightly and set her paper aside. “Well Sunday morning at about 11, someone found you in the woods, passed out. You were brought in, and we run some tests. You’ve been in a deep sleep for a few days, obviously catching up on some of the sleep you’ve lost. We think you have insomnia and you collapsed because of the lack of sleep” She ended with a nod and gave me a few minutes to take it in. “do you understand what ive told you?”

I nodded and she smiled slightly. “We are gonna keep you in for a few more days just to monitor your sleeping pattern. Ill go get your friends” she smiled and left the room.