Every Storm That Comes Also Comes to an End

It’s been a few days since I visited Alex at the hospital. Even though I made Jack promise not to tell Alex I was there I called him every day to see if there were any changes. But every day I got the same answer, Alex was still unconscious, but the doctors expected him to wake up any minute now.

Later I also found out they’d cancelled their upcoming tour. Because it was ‘a little difficult to play a show without their lead singer’ as Jack put it. I wasn’t really sure if he was joking or being serious, but it only made me feel worse.

And If that wasn’t enough already I’d also hurt my best friend who I hadn’t seen in years. Made him believe he had a chance just to simply push him aside when it was clear Alex needed me. And that’s why right now I was sitting inside the Starbucks where I bumped into him that day, waiting for him to show up.

And he did, about 5 minutes later, a big smile on his face when he saw me, hugging me like nothing happened. A little confused I sat down again, wondering why he wasn’t mad at me. Darren looked at me and laughed. “What’s so funny?” I asked. “You.” He snickered. “I forgot you get that look when there’s something you don’t understand. Like Science in high school, you’d spent hours behind your books, making that face.” He chuckled again at the memory. “So love, what’s on your mind?” He asked, taking a sip of his coffee.

“I..uhm….. I wanted to apologize.” I said. “For what happened the other day during our date.” Darren smiled at me. “It’s okay Ave, really it’s fine. Alex needed you, I understand.” “Yes, but… but… he ruined my life!” I practically screamed, cause a few people to look up. “That date was supposed to be a fresh start, a new life without Alex.” I continued at a normal tone. “But instead I got pulled even more into the past.”

Darren let me rant about Alex for a few moments before he interrupted me. “Have you ever thought maybe there’s a reason Alex is still such a big part of our life?” He asked. I shook my head. “What do you mean?” “I mean that maybe the reason you can’t let go of him us because you two have too much unfinished business.” I opened my mouth to tell him that I was finished with Alex Gaskarth, but Darren stopped me. “Just hold on, give me a second to explain what I mean.” I nodded and let him talk.

“Like I said, you two have a lot of unfinished business Ave. Alex has been a very big part of your life for a long time. You were even going to marry him once. You two have a lot to work out before you can actually move on. You told me that last year you forgave him for cheating, but from what I understood you two never really talked about it. Tell me, did you know why he did it?” He gave me a questioning look. When I didn’t answer he continued. “That’s what I though. You need to deal with these things Ave instead of running away. You need to confront Alex with the things he did, the lying, the cheating, the pills, everything.”

Darren studied my face for a second and laughed. “You know what? I think I know what the real problem is here.” I have him a questioning look and he smiled. “You don’t wanna let go.” I glared at him. “You’re wrong. There’s nothing more I want than getting Alex out of my life.” But Darren laughed. “Face it Ave, you can’t let go of him, because no matter what he does you’ll always love him. Why can’t you just admit to yourself that you can’t stand the thought of loosing Alex? You need him, just like he needs you. Because if you’d really wanted to move on with your life you would have by now.”

“That is not true!!” I screamed. “He won’t let me! Every time I try to pick up the pieces of my life Alex comes back and smashes them again!” I was furious, screaming at the top of my lungs. But it wasn’t really Darren I was angry with, I was angry with myself, because, deep down, I knew Darren was right, even though I would never admit it.

I was fuming, yelling at Darren, who just sat there with a smug smile on his face, knowing he was right. “Alright.” He said calmly. “Then go talk to Alex, work things out with him and move on.” “I’m going to the second he wakes up.” I huffed. And as if on cue my phone rang. “Hello?” “Ave, it’s Jack. Alex woke up.” “W-what! When?” I stuttered. “Couple of hours ago. He doesn’t wanna see any of us, but he’s been asking for you. I don’t know if you wanna come to the hospital, but I figured you’d at least would want to know he’s awake.” “Yeah, uhm… thanks for calling.” I said, ignoring his comment about visiting Alex. “Bye Jack.” I hung up the phone and looked up at Darren. “He’s awake.” I said.

Darren nodded. “You need a lift?” I shook my head. “No, I’m fine.” I picked up my bag. “See you later Darren.” I said and left.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

A couple of hours later I’d finally found the courage to go visit Alex in the hospital. Or well, visit probably isn’t the right word, seeing I’d been pacing up and down the hallway for the past 30 minutes. Jack knew I was here, I bumped into him when I arrived at the hospital. According to him Alex didn’t wanna see anyone right now, so they’d all left with the promise to come back tomorrow.

I eventually sat down on one of the plastic chairs in the hallway , staring at the closed door in front of me. I needed to do this, I needed to work things out with Alex, it wasn’t that hard was it? Then why was I so afraid to go inside.

After another 10 minutes of mentally preparing myself I finally got up and softly knocked on the door before opening it. “Jack, I told you I didn’t wanna…..” Alex sounded angry, but fell silence when he saw me standing in the doorway instead of his best friend. “Avery!” He said, seeming to be frozen with shock for a moment, but he recovered within a second, practically jumping out of the bed. I hurried forward, pushing him back down again. “Alex, stop, be careful. You’re gonna hurt yourself.” I said, the worry clear in my voice.

But Alex no longer seemed to care about his wellbeing, only about the fact I came to see him. He stared at me as I sat down on the chair next to his bed. I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Alex didn’t do anything to break the silence either, so we sat there for a while, not speaking. Alex was staring at me like he was trying to figure out if I was real while I kept my gaze locked on the wall.

“Why are you here?” Alex finally decided to break the silence, apparently convinced I was really here, because he leaned back against the pillow. “Because we need to talk.” I said, finally looking at Alex, who looked extremely confused. “I need to know…. why you did it.” I said. Alex looked straight into my eyes and held my gaze for a few seconds, I knew he understood I wasn’t just talking about the pills. “I… I don’t know where to start.” He spoke softly. “How about you start telling me about the night that started this whole mess.” I said, I didn’t mean to sounds so cold, but talking about it brought back images I’d tried to bury a long time ago.

Alex had noticed the tone of my voice too, because he seemed hesitant to talk. I sighed. “I’m sorry. It’s just… really hard for me to talk about, but we need to work things out. This whole….. thing isn’t good for either of us.” Alex nodded. “Yeah, you’re right. We should talk.” He looked down at his hands. “I’m really sorry Ave, you have no idea how much…..” He started, but I held up my hand to stop him. “Alex don’t.” I said. “I didn’t come here to hear you apologies, you did that more than enough, I here to try and understand. I’m giving you this change so don’t blow it by apologizing.” I said. “Alright.” Alex looked back up at me. “I’ll try my best to explain then.”

“I really don’t have an excuse for it though. I was mad because of that stupid argument we had, at you, at myself, at everything and got completely wasted. She was just…. there. She listened to me, not judging, agreeing with me. At first I thought she was just being friendly or that maybe you had sent her to go talk to me. I didn’t realize what she was doing until we were back at the house and she kissed me.”

“She kissed you?” I interrupted him. Alex nodded. “Yeah, I had no idea she even felt about me that way until that moment.” “Why didn’t you just push he away then? Why did you have sex with her, knowing I was upstairs, waiting for you?” I said, finally asking the question I’d wanted to asked him since I saw them. “I don’t know Avery, honestly. I was drunk. Angry and frustrated because of our fight, she was just there, offering… I was just stupid enough to except. I made a mistake Ave, just a goddamn, stupid mistake, one I’m going to regret for the rest of my life.”

I nodded, taking in everything he said. “You know…”, I said after a few minute of silence, “… I forgave you last year.” “What?” Alex seemed stunned. “I forgave you.” I repeated. “On that roadtrip. You tried so hard to fix your mistake and I could see how much you regretted it, so I forgave you. I was ready Alex, really ready to gives us another change. I wanted my old life back, the one I had with you.” I tear, rolled down my cheek as I spoke.

“Ave…I….” Alex tried to take my hand, but I pulled away. “Why did you do it Alex? Why!? And with my sister? My goddamn sister!” I said, my voice breaking and I knew that I was on the verge of crying.

Alex looked ashamed and very uncomfortable when he spoke. “I know what I did was horrible Ave, I wreck your whole life didn’t I? I destroyed you, your family, your trust in me. And I know nothing I’ll say can change what I did or make it better, but maybe you will….. understand a little bit better when I tell you.” I didn’t say anything, just waiting for him to continue.

“When you…. left, I was devastated. I looked everywhere for you, I was a complete wreck for months. I wanted, no, needed you back so bad, I thought I was going insane. I recovered a little eventually, just enough to fool everyone into thinking I was okay, when I really wasn’t. Until one day I bumped into your sister when I was out in town. Suddenly I could see every resemblance between you two, I was so desperate to have you back, I wasn’t thinking straight. When we started dating it was almost like I had you back.

I wasn’t thinking about the consequences or her feelings for me, all I cared about was having a little piece of you back in my life. I knew there was no way I could ever get you back, so I went for the person that came closest to you, your sister. It wasn’t until after I proposed to her that I started to realize what I was doing. I might not have really loved her, but I care about her a lot, so I decided to go through with it.

Of course all that changed the minute you walked through that door. I should have told you all of this right then and there, but….” “You didn’t wanna loose me again.” I finished for him. “I understand Alex. I might not be ready to forgive you, maybe I’ll never be ready to do that, but I guess I understand why you did what you did.”

And I really did understand, I still thought what he did was horrible, but I could finally see his side. How much it killed him not to be with me. I understood… because I felt the same way. These past years without Alex had been… empty. Sure I had great friends and a job I loved, but it always felt like a part of me was missing. At first I’d thought this would change when I would meet someone else, maybe fall in love again, now I realized only Alex could fill that emptiness.

“Ave?” Alex voice snapped my back to reality. “I know I’m really pushing my luck with this, but I need to ask you this. Is there any chance that you will ever forgive me? Really forgive me…. so we can be together again?”

Normally I would tell him that I didn’t know if I could forgive him and that we would never be together again, but for some reason telling him that now felt like lying. “You should focus on getting better Alex. The guys need you, the fans need you and you can’t let them down.” I smiled weakly, ignoring his question completely. Before he could say something I else I practically jumped up and headed towards the door. “Bye Alex.” I was almost out of the room when he spoke. “I love you Avery.” I froze. “I love you too Alex.” I answered so softly I was sure he didn’t hear me and run out the door.