Every Storm That Comes Also Comes to an End

I probably imagined it.

God knows I've hallucinated, hearing Avery's voice when it wasn't really there, before. But this sounded more real, sounded more true. But I tried not to go too far into it, knowing I would probably just be met with disappointment farther down the road.

"Bye, Alex."

At the last moment, I sat up farther in my hospital bed and said loud and clear, courage erupting in my chest, "I love you, Avery."

I saw her freeze her movements, her shoulders stiffening, her foot awkwardly placed above the threshold of the door. I knew she was ready to leave, ready to walk out on me. And I could have sworn she said, "I love you, too" before she was gone in a whirl, her figure walking down the hallway.

I wanted to believe it. Wanted to with every fiber in my being, but knew if I tried to find out if she really had said she loved me that I would end up back at the beginning, alone and hearing her voice in my head.

I eventually drifted off into a rough sleep, a dream overtaking my mind.

I was standing next to a car on a deserted road, the white sun hot and heavy above me, weighing me down as it sparkled in the bright blue sky. A breeze flew past me, lifting the hair from my eyes.

I look down at the car beside me, my eyes widening when I see it's the car Avery and I had driven cross country to get to my the wedding last summer.

Silence.

"Hello?" I call out, hoping to hear Avery's voice, wishing she was next to me.

"I'm so sorry, Alex..." Her voice. It floated into my ears and pulled at my heartstrings, flipping me upside down until I felt like ripping at my own skin. "This is all my fault. You did this because of me...I'm sorry, Alex."

"No!" I wanted to shout, hot tears rolling down my cheeks and splatting against my arms. "It was me! I did this to myself!"

"I never meant for this to happen..." I close my eyes as her whisper caressed my eardrums, my heart pounding in my ears. I've heard these words multiple times now, haunting my brain and haunting my dreams. "Please, don't ever do this again..." Do what again? Overdose on pills? I can't promise that.

Not when you're torturing me by not being with me.

"I need you. I know a lot of things happened between us..."

"NO!" I shout in my head, tangling my fingers in my hair as I fall to the ground, my knees scuffing against the burning asphalt. "Leave me alone!"

I force myself awake, my heart pounding, sweat pouring down my face, my hair sticking to face where perspiration gathered. My breathing was heavy and my head felt like it weighed a thousand pounds. I removed the thick blankets from my body, taking large gulps of air to slow down my heart rate. I reach over and grab the remote on the night stand, turning the fan up like the nurse had instructed me too.

That dream...

It made me realize something.

Do I really love Avery? Or am I just obsessed...like Jack had said? She's taken over every part of me, taken over my brain and everything I can think of.

Maybe not being with her truly is the better option.



My door creaks open, but I keep my gaze straight at the ceiling.

It's been about a week and a half of being in the hospital. Jack and Rian have visited me, Zack still in California. My parents have stopped by a few times and so has some of the crew, but none of them could fill the hole that has been gaping in my chest.

I've been putting much thought into a lot of things, and I've come up with a conclusion that I feel will solve many things. Many, many things.

"Alex, you awake?"

I look over at Jack. "Yeah. Just thinking."

He nods mutely and comes over to sit on the chair next to my bed. He runs his hands down his pants leg like he was nervous, so I bring my gaze over to him, sitting up. "What's up, Jack?" I ask him, my voice hoarse.

"The nurse said you get to leave tomorrow," he tells me, smiling. "But the doctor said he wanted someone to keep an eye on you at all times."

I nod. "I think that's for the best."

"So maybe I can move in with you for a few months. Rian is going to California to visit Cassadee, and I know you don't want to move back in with you parents," he suggests, shrugging his skinny shoulders. "I could use the company. I'll get my stuff and move in tom -"

"I was thinking about something else," I speak up, clearing my throat. Jack shuts his mouth, cocking his head to the side.

"What something else?"

I bite my bottom lip, taking a deep breath. "I've been thinking about this for this whole week, ever since Avery came to visit me that second time, when I was awake. Seeing her put a whole lot of things into perspective." I took a pause, and Jack made sure to stay quiet as I gathered my thoughts. "Do you know what she said to me?"

He shakes his head. "No."

"She said, after I told her everything, 'I understand Alex. I might not be able to forgive you, maybe I'll never be ready to do that, but I guess I understand why you did what you did.' And then she left." I laugh almost sarcastically. "What does that tell you?"

Jack swallows. "That's she slowly starting to forgive you?"

"No," I return, shaking my head. "She never will forgive me. And I've finally come to peace with that. And knowing that, why should I put myself through torture of seeing her?"

"Where are you going with this, Alex?" Jack asks, cautious.

I roll my eyes. "I'm not gonna try and kill myself," I tell him bitterly. "But, I feel like there needs to be a sense of change. Change that will put me far away from Avery, where I won't fuck up her and her family any longer."

"And what is that change?"

I take a deep breath. "I know you've been thinking of moving out to California. And, I like that idea. So I've decided to go with you."

There was a large beat of silence.

"Are...are you serious?" Jack asked incredulously. "You're just gonna leave everything here and ignore it? Run from your past instead of standing up to it?" He was red in the face, something I didn't understand.

"I'm not running," I hiss. "I'm not gonna run like Avery. It's a solution. Do you know how fucked up I made everything for her? For her, Caitlyn, and their father? I've screwed everything up past the point of fixing it. I need to make sure I never do that again. And leaving Maryland is the best option for that. You may not agree with it, but you don't own me Jack." I felt tears building up for an unbeknownst reason, but I gulp them down. "I've already tried to stand up to my past, and I keep getting shoved down. I need change."

Jack was silent for a long time, his eyes piercing me. I stared him down as well, showing him that I was dead serious about this decision.

"Fine," Jack finally murmurs. "We can start packing when you're out of here."

Then he gets up and walks out of my hospital room. But as he does so, I watch him pull his phone out of his pocket and dial a phone number. I had a big suspicion over who he was calling, but honestly, I didn't care.