The Misadventures of Link

Link Gets a Scholarship

PROLOGUE
once upon a time in a place far away, a young boy named Link decided to go to college!
by!! Rabia

Colleges are for robots. Or at least, that’s what I thought they were for until I got a scholarship to one. “I’M NOT A FREAKIN’ ROBOT! I DON’T NEED COLLEGE!” I cried in protest. Zelda tried to explain to me that it was silly to think college was for robots, but I had seen it first hand... I remember walking through Hyrule Castle Town as a child, and being SURROUNDED by college kids. They were all wearing the same clothes and had the same haircut, and all wanted to be doctors. I screamed and ran from the scene at that exact moment.
But I digress. Back to the scholarship. I was once walking with Sheik through Kakariko Village to buy some bombs, as every normal person does. Suddenly, this man with a beard that came to the middle of his chest in a braid approached us. He had a lazy eye and was kinda short, and was drooling a little onto his beard. Oh, but when I say kinda short, he was still taller than Sheik. But anyway, he came out from behind the sign by the bomb shop and grinned at me, rubbing his hands together.
“Good day, sir!” I said, nodding my head at him and turning towards the shop.
He stepped in front of me and blocked my way.
“Ahh, I see you are the Hero of Time,” the man said in a scratchy, low voice.
“Yes, I am indeed!” He rubbed his hands together once more.
“I’ve come with great news,” he said, looking me and Sheik up and down.
Sheik stepped towards the shop again, and the man blocked his path too.
“Sir, I’m really sorry, but we’re kinda busy,” Sheik said. The man narrowed his eyes a little and reached into his sleeve, which was nearly touching the ground it was so long.
“This is for you,” he said, handing me a rolled up piece of parchment. I took it and thanked the man. He slowly stepped out of the way, and watched us as we walked into the shop.
I decided to wait until I got home (and when I say home, I mean procrastinating going back to my home and just staying at Sheik’s) to read what the man had given me.
“Don’t you think it’s kinda weird how he just showed up to give you a piece of paper?” Sheik asked me. I shook my head.
“What’s weird about it? Maybe he’s just an adoring fan who drew a picture of me!” I slowly unrolled the paper and squinted my eyes to see what it said.
“You........ are..... uhhhh......” I squinted my eyes harder, until Sheik took it from my hands. He read it carefully and then raised an eyebrow.
“What’s it say?!” I asked.
“It says you got a scholarship to some school called,’Big Noodle Cup School for the Gifted in Many Way, Shapes, and Forms’.”
“A college?! Wow, that’s so cool!” I said, grabbing the paper and staring at it again.
“Umm, I thought you hated colleges, Link,” he said.
“Not one as cool as this one! See that?” I said, pointing to a word on the paper. “That says GIFTED.”
“.......that says cup.”
“WHATEVER same difference!” Sheik stared at me and watched me as I looked it over again.
“You can’t seriously consider going to that school,” he said, folding his arms.
“Why not?! This college seems eight hundred times cooler than any other college!”
“Because it’s named after a cup of noodles?”
“DUH!” I stood up and scoffed. “I thought YOU of all people would understand my love of knowledge.” There was an awkward silence after I said this.
“.....Well, answer me, Sheik!” I cried.
He shook his head, and the moment he tried saying something he burst into laughter.
“Shut up! How is that funny?!” After a while, he finally stopped laughing and wiped a tear from his eye.
“Sheik, you suck!” I said angrily, picking up my bag of bombs and stomping out of his house.
I then went back to my house. I told Marth, and he seemed to find it suspicious too. I ignored what they had said and went to the school the next day.
The campus was definitely different than what I expected it to be. The lamp posts were all white and red, and striped. The doors were all weird shaped and oddly colored, and no one was standing outside. I stepped into a small building, which I had to duck to get into, and crouched down to talk to the receptionist. The receptionist looked like a tiny Goron with an angry look on its face. He finally looked up after a while and grinned.
“Oh, finally! We’ve been looking for you for a while now, Link,” he said holding a hand out to shake mine. I shook his hand slowly and laughed nervously.
“So, uh, where do I go to get like... situated or whatever?” I asked. He motioned for me to follow him to the back, and I did so with a groan. Crawling on my hands and knees behind him, I finally reached a room that I could stand in.
Just then, my hand started glowing. Why is my hand glowing? I thought. Am I getting closer to Zelda or Ganondorf?! I stood in front of a desk with a massive chair behind it. Suddenly, the chair spun around and I jumped back a little. In the chair sat a small girl with fiery, shoulder-length red hair and golden eyes, her hands folded in her lap. She narrowed her eyes a little and smiled, pointing to a seat next to me.
“Sit,” she said simply, and so I did. She leaned forward in her chair and looked me up and down.
“Umm, if I’ve come at a bad time, I can just come la--” I started quietly.
“No no! Now is perfect! You came right on time,” the girl said, still smiling big.
“Oh... Uh, that’s good then,” I said awkwardly. She stood from her seat and walked around the desk to lean on the front of it.
“So, you’re Link, huh? The ‘Hero of Time’?”
I nodded quickly. She smiled even wider.
“Good.” She leaned closer to me and studied my face carefully. I looked around nervously and confused.
“Now that you’re here, I should show you around.” She grabbed my wrist and pulled me from the chair and out the door.
The girl showed me around the weird campus for about an hour, and then we finally reached the dorms. Or, what she SAID was the dorms.
“You will be sleeping here, but first, my servants have brought you dinner.” Her servants handed me a tray of food, then quickly left. I tried to eat in the dorm room, but that girl was still there and was watching me eat with intent. After a while, I broke the silence.
“So, what’s your name?” I asked. She hesitated for a moment, then answered me.
“It’s Kabira.” I nodded and continued eating the food. Just then, I started feeling dizzy and sort of tired.
“Wow, I’m really starting to--” Then, I blacked out.

~~~

I woke up a while later in a room with only a pile of hay in the corner. I went over to the hay and sat on it, trying to think of ways to get out of this room. About NINE HOURS LATER (okay not really, but it felt that long), Kabira appeared as if from nowhere. I jumped a little when I saw her.
“Where’s the door?! Where am I?” I asked. She laughed loudly and sort of evilly (that’s a word now) with her arms crossed.
“You are a fool, Hero! You really thought YOU got a scholarship to a college?!” She tossed her head back and laughed again.
“Oh come on! Then why am I here?! Is it for my hair?!” I threw my hands on my head and ducked into the hay a little.
“What? No, that would be stupid. I’m here to make you die.”
“....what? Make me die? Not kill me, but make me die?” She nodded.
“I’m leaving you here to die.” I gasped.
“Why?!”
“Because..... you ruined EVERYTHING!” She stomped a foot on the ground.
“No I didn’t! I tried to eat it all, but I passed out!”
“Not the food, you idiot! My father’s PLANS!” I paused.
“Who’s your father? THE HAPPY MASK SALESMAN?!” She facepalmed.
“No! My father is Ganondorf! The one and only King of Evil!” I gasped again.
“What?! Ganondorf had a daughter?! Or are you not a girl? Just wondering...” She hit me in the face with her foot as hard as she could.
“OW!” I clutched my face in pain.
“Yes, he had a daughter. And my mother is Malon. You probably know her.”
“WHAT?! BUT YOU’RE LIKE TEN! HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?!”
“Magic, of course.”
“Oh, that makes sense... WAIT MALON WILLINGLY HAD A CHILD WITH THAT BEAST?!” She kicked me again.
“My father is a great man! YOU’RE a beast!”
“Stop kicking me!” She turned away from me and walked through the wall, leaving me alone.
“Hey, can I do that?” I asked loudly, but of course she didn’t hear me.
I got up and tried walking through as well, but just hit my face against the wall.
“OKAY, YEP, THAT DIDN’T WORK...” I yelled in pain, clutching my face. Just then, the room started to rumble. I looked around confused, and sat back down on the hay.
“Link? Are you in there?” I gasped.
“Sheik?! Is that you?!”
“Yeah, and Marth.” I gasped again.
“REALLY?! Oh, I knew you guys loved me!” I grinned and clapped happily to myself.
“Stop being weird! We’re coming in to save you.”
“But how, Sheik? There’s no--” And then, Marth crashed through the wall with Sheik following close behind. Being as graceful as they are, they didn’t see me soon enough and tripped right over me.
“PAIN....IN MY BODY....” I hollered from underneath them.
“Sorry,” they said. They stood and brushed hay from their clothes and hair.
“Ohh, I’m so happy you guys came for me!” I brought them together to hug them.
“Yep, crushing my spine,” Sheik said.
“Sorry,” I said. I let go of Sheik and his tiny, unmanly body -- THIS IS SHEIK, WHAT THE TRIFORCE LINK, I’M NOT-- Anyway, I let go of him, but continued hugging Marth. After a while, I let go and said, “Marth, I’m so happy that you came with Sheik to save me!”
“Well, yeah, I’m not gonna let you die in here,” he said.
“D’AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW,” I said, blushing. Sheik rolled his eyes.
“SHUT UP, SHEIK!” we both yelled. I looked around to make sure no one else was near us, then kissed Marth really quickly.
“I saw that,” Sheik said.
“SHUT UP, SHEIK! You speak of this to NO ONE,” I said.
“Whoa! What’s going on here?!” Kabira cried in anger, suddenly standing on the other side of the room.
“Uhhh, we’re not REEEEALLY here...” Marth said in a dreamy voice.
“What?”
“This is just a dreeeeeeeeam....” Marth slowly danced in a circle, and Link soon followed. Sheik just gave them a weird look.
“....I see why you two are perfect for each other,” Kabira said. We gasped at her.
“What?! We’re just friends!” I cried.
“Yeah, okay.” She walked over to us and folded her arms.
“How did you find out where he was?!”
“Well, I was with Sheik in the Castle Town M--”
“SHUT UP, I DON’T CARE, THAT WAS A RHETORICAL QUESTION!”
“How is that rhetorical?” Sheik asked. She glared at him.
“Okay, fine, it doesn’t matter. All that matters is that now all three of you shall die!” She snapped her fingers and they were in the center of the room now, the wall fixed.
“Aha! But we have swords!” Marth cried. He ran at the wall, thinking his sword was still in his hand, but then realized it had disappeared. He then ran straight into the wall. There was an awkward silence.
“.....WE HAVE HEAVY BODIES!” He yelled. Getting a running start, he lunged at the wall.
“Marth! You’re gonna kill yourself! Stop it!” Sheik yelled. Marth sighed.
“This is useless, now we’re going to die here too!”
“Waaaaait, Link....” Sheik started.
“Yeeees?” I answered.
“Don’t you have an ocarina?”
“Uhh lemme check...” I patted around my waist, then pulled it out with a smile.
“Yep! Wanna do a duet?” I lifted the ocarina to my lips, and then Sheik hit me.
“No, you idiot! You can warp with that!”
“I can?!” Sheik facepalmed.
“Yes, Link....”
“But a tune to sooth our worries would be nice first,” Marth said.
“NO IT WOULDN’T.” Sheik gave Marth a look like he was stupid, which of course he’s not -- just a little slow.
“Okay, okay, where to?” I asked.
“Why does it matter?!” Sheik cried.
“Okay!” I lifted the ocarina to my lips and played a song to warp us out of that weird room.

~~~

“DO WE HAVE TO BE IN THE MIDDLE OF A FREAKING VOLCANO, LINK?!” Sheik cried.
“Whoops, sorry!”

~~~

And then we were home! Well, at Sheik’s house.

“Promise us you will NEVER go to college, Link...” Sheik said.
“I swear on my left hand!”
“I wanna dance some more,” Marth said.
I took his hand and said, “Then let’s dance!” We danced for a while, very badly I must admit. When we were too tired to continue though, we collapsed on Sheik’s bed.
“Does everyone just feel free to steal my bed?!” Sheik cried.
“Yeah pretty much,” Marth answered. Sheik walked away, mumbling to himself about soup. Marth looked deep into my eyes and kissed me now that Sheik was gone.
“I’m tired, let’s sleep,” I said in a dreamy voice.
“Okay,” Marth said, and we then cuddled on Sheik’s bed while we slept.

*MEANWHILE, IN THE DARKEST SHADOWS OF SHEIK’S HOUSE...*

I laughed to myself as I tapped my fingers together in an evil manner. “Just wait until I show everyone this video of LINK and MARTH together! KISSING! And CUDDLING!” I laughed evilly again and disappeared into the shadows, wondering what Midna was doing....

END.