"You Can't Stay a Saint in This City"

“Oh my god, look at all the people here.” Greg says as we pass the front of Saks Fifth Avenue. It’s about eleven in Eastern Standard Time and I’ve already done all the major talk shows: GMA, the Today Show, the View...

“Shutupshutupshutup” I say as we pile out of the Lincoln town car this is Millions of Milkshakes all over again.

“Someone nervous?” Greg asks teasingly.

“You know I hate public speaking.” I tell him. The car comes to a stop behind the store at the service entrance.

“Just say what’s on your mind. Honestly Robert Pattison says something or rather about his dog and girls go crazy.”

“I’m not exactly Robert Pattison.”

“Of course you aren’t. You wash your hair on a regular basis” Greg says and Ivy giggles right before we walk through the plush curtains and make our grand entrance.

“Good morning!” I shout as I walk onto the stage. The sea of people are holding signs and I can see people staring at me all the way from the tenth floor.

“Hi Ambrosia” says Pixie Turner getting up from the Jasmine chair to shake my hand. She covers various stories for Vogue Home so needless to say she and I have gotten to know each other pretty well over the years.

“Hi,” I reply, sitting down on the Greg couch. Pixie asks me a series of questions that I have answered a million times over across the street at 30 Rockefeller Plaza. Why I wanted to do the line. Where I got my inspiration.

“So I hope everyone buys the line” I say with one last smile before I shake Pixie’s hand and go over to greet some of the people in the front row with stuff for me to sign.
_______

Later that day; Greg and I are having dinner at Serendipity 3 with Ivy and her parents.

“I got you a present Amber,” Ivy says after we’ve played our orders.

“I love presents.” I say as she hands me an envelope. Luckily for me the envelope isn’t sealed, otherwise we’d end up with a table covered with little pieces of hand ripped paper confetti.

“OH MY GOD!” I shout as I pull out the tickets and no one at the other tables even bats an eye. It’s probably because everyone at this restaurant is celebrating something specially too. It’s just one of those places.

One Way Amtrak Ticket
Departs from Pennsylvania Station, New York City, New York at 7:05 p.m.
Arrives at North Station, Boston, Massachusetts at 10:43 p.m.

One Way American Airlines Ticket
Departs from Logan International Airport 10/22/11 7:45 a.m.
Arrives at Los Angeles International Airport 10/22/11 11:30 a.m.

I feel as though I could burst. “Thank you very, very much” I tell Ivy.

“Just consider it an early birthday present.” She replies as I hug her.

“Will the three of you be okay with me gone for three days?” I ask them.

Greg scoffs. “Of course Ms. Li, I’m make sure everything is in order.”

When my BLT arrives I scarf it down at an unhealthy pace this is one train I don’t want to miss.
______

I listen to my iPod as I board the train. I figure I’d might as well start absorbing the culture by listening to their music. Unfortunately I only had one band based in Boston on my iPod: Boys Like Girls. They didn’t exactly sing the happiest music.

"Yeah I'm the first to fall and the last to know
Where'd you go?

Now I'm heels over head
I'm hangin' upside down
Thinking how you left me for dead
California bound

I got a first class ticket to a night all alone
And a front row seat up right by the phone
Cause you're always on my mind
And I'm running out of time
I've got your hair on my pillow and your smell in my sheets
And it makes me think about you with the sand in your feet
Is it all you thought it'd be?
You mean everything to me

But I'm the first to fall and the last to know
And where'd you go?

Now I'm heels over head,
I'm hangin' upside down
Thinking how you left me for dead
California bound
And when you hit the coast
I hope you think of me
And how I'm stuck here with the ghost of what we used to be"

I frown music wasn’t supposed to make me feel guilty. I guess that was how musicians made money off of your emotions. I gave up on the music and took out my phone so that I could reread old text messages that were funnier the first time. I felt like such a loser. The children were beginning to take naps but I couldn’t do that when my mind was convinced it was five in the afternoon.

[Heels Over Head - Boys Like Girls]

Mike: How’s New York?

Amber: The buildings are too tall, they block out the sun. There are too many people and the sidewalks are too big and aren’t big enough at the same time. There is so much stress in this city you can taste it.

Mike: Not quite cut out for the big city like you thought are you?

Amber: I used to think I was pretty bad ass but now I see I’m nothing more than a wall flower
Mike: You’re about as bad ass as a basket of puppies.

Amber: I think you’re right.

I pause wondering if I should tell Mike of my grand scheme to show up and surprise Milan. After all Mike’s a guy he can provide a guy’s opinion.

Amber: I’m going to be gone for a little longer. Are you going to be in town until Saturday?

Mike: Yup but you’re going to miss our home opener.

Amber: Sorry…I’m going to be in Boston.

Mike: Let me guess to ‘surprise him’

Amber: Yup

Mike: Where are you now?

Amber: On a train

Mike: You have Wifi?

I didn’t know, I waved down an attendant and after ordering another cup of green tea I asked her.

Amber: Yes.

Less than a minute later I heard my iPad ring. Facetime.

“Hi Mike.” I say as the attendant comes back with the tea.

“Amber, are you sure you don’t want to call first?” Mike suggests like he’s talking to a child.

“No, why would I?” I can’t wait until I get to see Milan.

“I’m just saying that you might want to call first in case he has any surprises of his own.”

Milan isn’t like the other guys. “He loves me, we don’t have any secrets between us.”

Mike still doesn’t seem to think it’s a great idea. “Does he know I’m your neighbour?”

“No,” I admit “But I don’t know who his neighbour is either” honestly it was probably no one I cared about.

“The two of you don’t even know who lives next door. What else do you not know about each other?”

I feel uneasy, Mike is right. I used to think I knew everything about Milan from the fact that he has 3 Celine Dion songs on his iPod he listens to on a regular basis to the vanilla glaze with the spherical rainbow sprinkles doughnut were his favorite at Tim Horton’s.

I’ve decided “I’m not going to call.” I tell Mike.

“Okay Amber,” He says.

“I’ll see you soon.” I tell Mike as I gaze out of the window. Only an hour and a half left.
______

“Hi,” I say as I drag my Louis Vuitton duffle bag into the cab.

“Where to?” asks the cab driver as he starts the car. I love their accents already.

Mike was right. There’s a lot I don’t know about Milan.

Including the address of his apartment.