Loverboy

Katelyn

You know that feeling you get, the feeling in your stomach when something isn’t right at all? I had that feeling right now as I awoke sharply in my bed, I hadn’t been sleeping for days and – the dynamic of the whole house, hell my whole family was way off the radar.

In my family there was only me, my mum and my sister Becca, my dad left a little short of 2 years ago and we haven’t seen him since. He and my mum were constantly arguing, both of them threatening to leave but neither of them actually carrying it through. One day me and Becca had had enough, we found out my Dad was cheating on my mum with one of Becca’s friend’s mum, so me and Becca told him to leave – he never protested.

Mum found it hard for the first couple of months, but eventually she managed to go out on a few dates and when the divorce papers came through she was more than happy. My plans were to originally go to University in Manchester, but during that time came the break up so I put my University plans on hold to look after Mum.

Becca tried to persuade me to go, to pursue my dreams of being a sound technician but I declined. She was only 14 and couldn’t do this alone, she tried to tell me she could but no 14 year old should be put in that position. Now she was 16 and I 19 and we both had to grow up fast, we needed to for our mum’s sake at the time.

However as I made my way down the wooden stairs down into the kitchen, I was faced with my mum‘s worn out figure; her once vibrant blonde hair now graying slightly as she rubbed her tattered hands rapidly over her face, her skin paling from the lack of sun and as I took the last step – it creaking slightly – she looked up sharply plastering a fake smile onto her face, the fake smile I’ve become accustomed to for a few weeks.

“Hey KitKat, you sleep well?”

My mum asked in a sickly sweet voice that most parents used when they were trying to avoid something, or to stop you asking what’s wrong. This is why this feeling wasn’t leaving me; it was going to stick to me like some sort of disease until I got to the bottom of it.

“Hey Mum, not really I keep having this feeling, I don’t know I’m probably being stupid but I just think something’s not right”

Out of the corner of my eye I noticed my mum’s figure stiffen, her fingers playing with each other anxiously. Now I knew something was going on and with Becca at School, this was the only time I had the chance, guts and determination to find out.

“Urm yeah sweetie, I wouldn’t worry about…I,I urm have to go to wash some clothes –“

“Mum all the washing is out on the line you did it already”

I pointed my index finger out to the window and the washing line full of clothes, my mum’s auburn eyes following slowly before she shook her head from side to side. She turned her head back to me, but I averted my crystal blue eyes down to the marble of the counter as I traced patterns onto it with my finger. Out of the silence that had descended I heard a quiet sigh come from my mum’s mouth.

“Mum just tell me…what’s wrong!”

Nervously I began tugging at my purple hair, my fingers clasping tight around random chunks and strands of hair in desperation as my head lifted up from the counter. My fingers drumming atop of the counter, as my mum’s mouth opened and closed not knowing what to say.

“I urm darling…this is hard for me to say I don’t know whether I can –“

“Mum just tell me!”

I demanded slamming my fist down on the counter as my Mum jumped in her skin at my sudden outburst, I swear I saw her wipe a tear secretly that had fallen but I couldn’t be too sure.

“I have cancer”

She said it so abruptly, so shortly that I couldn’t even be sure if I heard it properly for it to be true. However I only had to take one look into those worn down eyes, the paled skin and the look of guilt on my mum’s face for my world to instantly come crashing down to the ground.

“Have –“ I gulped, “Have you told Becca?”

“NO!”

My mum shouted out immediately snapping her attention to me, noticing the taken aback expression I had she spoke again yet more calmer,

“I haven’t told Becca and I don’t want her to know, she’s 16 and she doesn’t need to be put through this stress so close to her GCSE’s. This is going to remain between me and you, I’m planned in for Chemo so hopefully fingers crossed everything should be fine –“

“But what if it’s not mum!”

“We’ll cross that bridge if we come to it”

“You’re unbelievable!”

Shouting in a fit of frustration I could not believe my mum was so calm about this, that she was focusing on the positives and not even acknowledging the inevitable negatives. I couldn’t keep something this huge from Becca and my mum couldn’t expect me to, Becca isn’t stupid she is going to put two and two together when my mum loses her hair and everything else.

Storming off the kitchen stool I tried to bite back the tears as I rushed to the front door grabbing my jumper and running out of the house; running down the street as fast as I could, the only sound were the footfalls from my shoes hitting the tarmac, my heart pounding in a desperate attempt to escape from my chest.

Managing to make it down to the park I used to hang out at as a child I collapsed against the frame of the swings, pulling my feet up to my chest I buried my head in my lap and cried, cried like I had never cried before. What would happen to me and Becca if the worse did happen? Would we go to my Dad? I know me and Becca would protest that option to the bitter end? And Becca, I couldn’t keep this from her, I just couldn’t.

Remaining in the park for a good 3 hours, the temperature dropped bitterly as I hugged my jumper tighter to my skinny body, the only sound surround me was the squeaking of the chain in the wind and my sobs that were growing louder with each situation I played in my head. Looking around the park so many past memories flooded into my mind, I used to come here nearly every day with him.

“Blaine stop! I’m scared you’re pushing me too high”

The twelve year old me whined to my best friend Blaine, who simply grinned that cheeky smirk of his before pushing me higher. I squeezed my eyes shut tightly as my nose scrunched too; me and Blaine had quickly became best friends since I met him 5 months ago, however I never expected to have a crush on him. Call me young, call me stupid but I knew our newly forged friendship was going to be tough from beginning to end.

Eventually I felt the swing slow down as Blaine held tightly onto the chains in order to stop it going higher, slowly and surely I began to feel my feet scuff the wood chippings beneath me and I let out the breath I was holding in.

“Thank you!”

I mocked turning around and smacking Blaine square in the chest playfully, he laughed flipping his brown fringe to one side before looking up at me. His dark brown eyes burning into my crystal blue, I turned my back on Blaine facing forward and staring at the view in front me – but mainly to hide my fiery cheeks.

Suddenly I was startled when I felt hot breath hit my earlobe as his familiar voice floated into my ear, this simple action enough to set a thousand butterflies to explode around in my stomach instantly.

“You don’t have to be scared of anything Kay, I’m going to be here forever so you’ll never have to feel scared okay…I’ll always protect you”

Kay was his nickname for me, to be honest I hated it but coming from Blaine it didn’t matter to me – I didn’t correct him. Hanging my head down I let my natural mousy brown hair cover my cheeks, his hot breath leaving my cheeks as I felt his presence crouch down in front of me as I sat on the swing, his fingers lifting my head up to meet his.

“You promise me Blaine Alexander Clarke?”

“I promise you forever Katelyn Rose Arnold, You’ll never have to feel scared again”

He leaned over and placed a soft kiss on my cheek and instantly I felt a fire rage through my body, it wasn’t love I knew that it couldn’t be love at the tender age of twelve – but I knew I’d definitely not want to stay best friends with this guy forever.

Laughing between us Blaine jumped up and ran behind me again as I felt him grasp the bottom of the swing, clutching onto the swing chains I felt my body leaning forward and I squinted my eyes shut again – I hated heights. However suddenly I felt that familiar voice flitter into my ears once again.

“Kay I’m here okay, you want to try this again?”

Nodding I felt Blaine pull the swing right back and then push forward, the wind rushing through my hair I still held my eyes shut tight as I soared higher and higher. I heard Blaine jump on the swing next to me swinging to my height before he shouted over to me.

“Kay open your eyes”

“But what if I don’t want to!”

I felt his hand prize mine away from the chain as we linked fingers, he squeezed my hand tightly before our hands still remained linked between the two swings. He spoke again only this time more softly

“Kay just trust me open your eyes”

Swallowing down the dry lump that had developed in my throat I squeezed his hand back before doing what he had asked – I opened my eyes. At first I was scared but then I rested my head back slightly admiring the stars that had now emerged in the dark sky and just took it all in, smiling.

“Told you”

Blaine laughed looking up at the stars in the sky with me, still holding hands and still swinging.

Laughing to myself at my momentary flashback, I shook my head side to side from the Irony of it all. He should be here now; he should be the one I told my problems too. I was scared for my mum, for Becca and for myself and he promised me I would never be scared again – but where was he now? Nowhere.

Blaine hadn’t spoken to me for about a year ever since my 18th birthday party, something happened that night and quite swiftly we somehow managed to drift apart. We still hang out with our friends but it’s not the same, we only make small talk when absolutely necessary and he is never the one I can run to anymore – we’ve both changed.

“Kay?”

That all too familiar voice made my stomach tie into a million knots, but this time not in a good way. Snapping my head up to his confused expression I noticed how it changed to one of worry as he stared at my red raw eyes and my mascara painted cheeks.

“Come on”

He sighed slightly as he reached out and grabbed my hand pulling me up to meet him, he let go of my hand once I got to my feet he nodded his head ordering for me to follow him. Sheepishly I wiped my tears and followed Blaine’s lead as he pushed his hands into his back pockets, this could be an interesting night.