Status: Completed but might be rewritten, let me know what you think.
What Have I Done?
Two
Tristan is my first real boyfriend, if I can still call him that. You see, I never thought that I would be gay. I've always liked girls, but that day at the coffee shop when Tristan nervously walked up to my table something changed. My life changed, I changed.
I was brought up in a home where it was wrong to smoke, wrong to even look at alcohol and even worse to be gay. My father constantly made jokes or bad remarks about gay men and my mother would come home from her social events and gossip about her friend's gay son.
I never wanted people to talk like that about me, I never wanted my parents to reject me, but that's exactly what they did when they found out about Tristan and I. They gave me an ultimatum, I leave Tristan and keep my family or continue my relationship with him and lose my family. I chose Tristan, but in a way I hate what I've become and it is all Tristan's fault. If he had never featured in my life I would have been happy, I would still have had a family.
I was trying to fix things with Tristan though. Lately I've been treating him like shit, sorry for the word, but it is completely true.
I wanted to make up for the things I said and for the things I didn't say and I hoped that tonight would be the perfect opportunity. I'd talk to him, explain why I've been so unreasonable and then ask him to forgive me. The whole movie night thing was just an excuse to get him home early, he has been avoiding me a little this past week. He worked double shifts just to get home after I fall asleep and leave again before I wake up.
I heard the door to our apartment open and my throat went dry as soon as I realized that he was home. I remained seated on the dark brown couch, not moving an inch. Tristan was standing at the door, staring at my emotionless expression.
"Hey" was all I managed to say.
Tristan shook his head and walked over to me. "Baby, I'm so sorry for whatever I did wrong, I can't go on like this anymore. I love you." he said as he stood in front of me, tears rolling down his cheeks.
I couldn't keep everything in a bubble anymore, I just couldn't.
"You made me love you, that's what you did wrong. You made me gay! It is your fault my parents hate me!" I shouted at him.
"That's not true." He mumbled softly and reached for my hand.
"Don't ever touch me again, faggot!" I pulled it from his grasp. He looked just as shocked as I was. I couldn't believe that I just said that to him.
His tears turned to loud sobs as he ran to the bedroom we once shared before I started sleeping on the couch.
I hung my head in shame and got up from the couch, walking towards the bedroom I could hear his crying louder and clearer.
I tried to open the door, but it was locked.
"Baby, please, open the door. I'm so sorry! I never meant what I said!" I begged him.
He stopped crying and a silence filled the apartment, only to be broken by a dull clicking sound which made my heart sink to the bottom of the ocean.
What have I done?
I was brought up in a home where it was wrong to smoke, wrong to even look at alcohol and even worse to be gay. My father constantly made jokes or bad remarks about gay men and my mother would come home from her social events and gossip about her friend's gay son.
I never wanted people to talk like that about me, I never wanted my parents to reject me, but that's exactly what they did when they found out about Tristan and I. They gave me an ultimatum, I leave Tristan and keep my family or continue my relationship with him and lose my family. I chose Tristan, but in a way I hate what I've become and it is all Tristan's fault. If he had never featured in my life I would have been happy, I would still have had a family.
I was trying to fix things with Tristan though. Lately I've been treating him like shit, sorry for the word, but it is completely true.
I wanted to make up for the things I said and for the things I didn't say and I hoped that tonight would be the perfect opportunity. I'd talk to him, explain why I've been so unreasonable and then ask him to forgive me. The whole movie night thing was just an excuse to get him home early, he has been avoiding me a little this past week. He worked double shifts just to get home after I fall asleep and leave again before I wake up.
I heard the door to our apartment open and my throat went dry as soon as I realized that he was home. I remained seated on the dark brown couch, not moving an inch. Tristan was standing at the door, staring at my emotionless expression.
"Hey" was all I managed to say.
Tristan shook his head and walked over to me. "Baby, I'm so sorry for whatever I did wrong, I can't go on like this anymore. I love you." he said as he stood in front of me, tears rolling down his cheeks.
I couldn't keep everything in a bubble anymore, I just couldn't.
"You made me love you, that's what you did wrong. You made me gay! It is your fault my parents hate me!" I shouted at him.
"That's not true." He mumbled softly and reached for my hand.
"Don't ever touch me again, faggot!" I pulled it from his grasp. He looked just as shocked as I was. I couldn't believe that I just said that to him.
His tears turned to loud sobs as he ran to the bedroom we once shared before I started sleeping on the couch.
I hung my head in shame and got up from the couch, walking towards the bedroom I could hear his crying louder and clearer.
I tried to open the door, but it was locked.
"Baby, please, open the door. I'm so sorry! I never meant what I said!" I begged him.
He stopped crying and a silence filled the apartment, only to be broken by a dull clicking sound which made my heart sink to the bottom of the ocean.
What have I done?