Invisible Scars

Yes i was late again. i hadn't meant to. Mom an I both got into the car. She started driving an i put my ipod on. Mom started her rampage of how much a horrible daughter i was. I didn't wanna hear it anymore so i put the music up louder- i guess it was loud enough that she could hear it. she started screaming at me telling me to listen to her. so i took off my headphones and she started by saying "you know you won't go anywhere your going to be such a failure when your older. your house will be messy and your be alone and depressed" ***i mean i didnt want to listen to this who would?**** she went on to tell me how i would never make it to college and that everything about me is wrong. i didn't wan tto hear anymore so i put my headphones back in.

She got more pissed because i wasn't listening anymore. she screamed "listen to me i want you to hear this" truthfully i was pretty mad so i yelled back "why so you can insult me and say mean things to me more!!??" she scremed "your such a bitch, i'm going to make you more in with daddy, i don;t want you around anymore" i said "good i don't want to be around you anymore" she yelled back "so your saying you would rather fucking live with him and rose(my dads gf) then live with me??!!" i was pretty mad by then and said "but you just told me you didn't want me around anymore!!!" ***mind you she was driving and i was sitting right next to her** she was pissed. so was i, so i put my headphones in again. and she yelled "no you will listen to me" then she slapped me and said "give me the ipod you wont have it back!!" **i'm not a wimp but..** i started to cry. i couldn't live without music. i said "no i need my ipod- i need it!!" she hit me again and then i started cryin alot and then car went silent.

****FLASHBACK*****

mom has gotten physical a few times.... not often enough to do anything about it though.

i can think of a few times she has gotten mad and slapped me, i can think of a few times she has slapped me in the face too.

Then i can go way back in time and remember when i was about 6- my brother was about 11. my mom had got pissed off and she was screaming at my brother. i don't know why but he must have did something to piss her off ** then again even the smallest things get her mad** anyways she was yelling about how messy the house was **which is weird because it was sooo much cleaner back then, then it is now**** she went into our den and there was a big pile of books and papers next to the couch. my mom was swearing alot and then she threw the papers and books off the table everywhere. she screamed at me to clean then up. i was only 6 i didnt understand. i started to cry and do what she said. my brother tried to stick up for me but he ended up going to his room, when that failed.

whenever something fell or broke my mom would always start screaming, an made me clean it up. i don't know why.

***END FLASHBACK***

i yelled at my mom to hit me again i said "mom hit me again so i can call DSS and they can get me the hell away form you!!!" she just yelled "shut up" and i listened to my music again. thinking back again.

**FLASHBACK***

DSS stood for Department of Social Services, and within that was the CPS which stood for Child Protective Services.

But at first mom talked to a therapist within DSS she told them about her husband leaving and stress and other things. she talked to a man named George ***i havent seen this guy in years im suprised i remember his name...*** George listened to her and helped her for many years then when i was about 5 or 6 he asked to talk to dave and i. Mom thought it would be good for us to talk to him. He always asked me questin about my mom and how she acted. i always told him the truth. i told him about her yelling and swearing, after a while CPS got involved. before each time dave and i talked to george mom would tell us not to say anything about home, and to lie. because george was a bad person. we didnt know any better so we did.

George wasnt stupid he knew something was up. he began sending social workers over our house every month to check up on us, and make sure we were ok. mom had us clean our rooms and the whole house to make everything look normal. this continued on for about.... well until i was in 4th grade. mom still had us make up lies and it was different when the people came to our house because dave and i knew mom and dad could hear us. **yes dad was asked to come over whenever the people came***

that year DSS & CPS said that mom was verbally abusing us. they wanted to help us, to get us away from her. mo issed something against them and said that it was untrue. we saw george one last time in 2005 when he gave me a buisness card. **like a last resort to try and help** he told me "if your mother ever hurts you or dave call me and i will help you"

...i never forgot that. and for a while i hid the card. i saved it... although i have no idea where it is now. i do somethings wish i still could talk to george. i know now he was trying to help...

****END FLASHBACK***

***bet you forgot i was going to the ortho..***

mom pulled up to the ortho an i was afriad to walk in because by now my eyes were red and puffy. she dropped me off and went to find a parking stop. i tried to clean myself up. and not cry anymore. it was hard. and i was surprised that when i walked in no1 looked at me funny. i took anyother few minutes for the ortho to start working on my mouth- and i kept looking out the window thinking and trying to hold back the tears.

***ok well that was a long chapter.....hope you enjoyed it?.... umm i'll write more either tomorrow or friday.*****