All That Glitters Is Silver

I sat alone in my room. I had been sitting up straight and still for so long my back was starting to ache.

We had to leave but I didn’t want to move.

My gaze wandered to the photo on my nightstand for the umpteenth time. It was one of our few family photos that we were all smiling in. It wasn’t that we were unhappy, just more reserved. I had ranked nationally in archery that night. We were celebrating.

It only reminded me that I hadn’t touched my bow in weeks. And that I would never hear my mother laugh again. I would only see her in photographs. She was gone.

My eyes burned as I stared at the photo but I was out of tears.

A faint knock came from my door. I jerked my head towards it as Kate walked in. She was dressed in a tight black dress with matching heels.

“Do you need some help?” She asked gently, making her way to my sitting form.

I stared down at my own black dress. I had slipped it on but been too lazy to zip it up. It was a little tight. For a second I wondered why but then remembered I was pregnant. This seemed so trivial with all that had happened. I hadn’t taken my medication in days.

I stood up in front of the mirror on my closet as Kate got behind me. Her hair was curled and she had makeup on. She looked beautiful. When I looked at myself, I felt ashamed. My hair was pulled back messily; I barely put on any mascara and hadn’t even tried to hide the bags under my eyes.

I was a wreck. I was too tired and numb to care.

With slight difficulty, Kate zipped the dress up.

“I guess I should get more active.” The words croaked out of my dry mouth but I didn’t remember saying them.

Kate pursed her lips and looked me up and done, lingering on my stomach.

“Why don’t you start up archery again?” She suggested, pulled the hair band out and smoothed my hair.

“I think I will.” I decided just to have something to say.

Kate smiled, showing me her pretty, white teeth, “That’s my girl.”

That felt a little crass to say considering my mother had died four days ago.

“I think you know that a mountain lion didn’t murder your mother, right?” Kate said suddenly. Her face was serious but there was a slight maddening edge to it.

There was no reason to lie. Kate would know. I was sick of lying anyway. Maybe if we had all been truthful from the start my mother would still be alive.

“Yes,” I said curtly. Kate braided my hair quickly as she spoke.

“Do you know what did it?” Kate questioned.

“Not a mountain lion.” I answered. She smiled tightly.

“I think it’s time you learned something about our family.” She said in a quiet but clear voice, “Something you should have learned a long time ago.”

I gulped as she tied the band around the end of my hair.

“After dress shopping with Allison tomorrow,” She stared at me through the mirror, “we are all going to have a little chat.”

The last thing I wanted to do was go to the dumb formal. The second to last was shop for a dress for the dumb formal. No one seemed to be listening to a word I told them, though.

“Okay,” I nodded, standing up and thanking Kate.

“We should go.” She said solemnly. “They’re all waiting for you.”

I followed her downstairs. The living room was crowded and silent. Everyone had been waiting for me.

I didn’t meet anyone’s eye as I descended the stairs. It was too painful to look at my father’s face. I felt like I was reminding him of the wife he had just lost. I was always being told I looked like her.

As soon as I hit the ground floor, Allison’s hand found mine and she squeezed it comfortingly. One look at her face and I could tell she had been crying. I didn’t have any consoling words to give her so I stayed silent as we all exited the house and piled into black SUV’s.

The drive was short and uncomfortable. I knew most of the people were hunters but Allison had no idea who they were. She didn’t question it though. We were good little Argents. We never questioned anything.

I stretched out my legs when we arrived at the cemetery. It was a bit more crowded than I thought it would be. How many hunters had shown up?

Up front, next to a balding man with white hair around the sides of his head were six empty seats.

My father led the way. Allison and I were close behind. Kate, Aunt Victoria, and Uncle Chris were on our heels. As soon as we arrived up front, the bald man stood up and turned to face us.

He looked vaguely familiar, like a photograph I walked past all the time but never stopped to look at closely. He nodded at my father, embracing him lightly and muttering something.

His dark, brown eyes turned to me. There was anger in them. It was fierce and terrifying. I wanted to shrink away from this man but I held my ground. Something inside me told me not to be afraid of him. That he was going to help us.

“Hello, Cassidy,” He said in a raspy sort of voice. “I’m not sure if you remember me. You were only about five the last time I saw you.”

Something in my head clicked. I could see that picture focused in my mind. “Gerard.” That was his name.

“Gerard. Or grandpa.” His smile was small and lifeless, “Either work just fine. You’ve grown into a beautiful young woman.”

“Thank you.” I cleared my throat uncomfortably as he gave me a quick hug and moved on to the next family member.

I sat down next to my father. We hadn’t spoken much since that night. I was still screaming, blithering mess when he had arrived. He told me to calm down and move away because I wouldn’t let the paramedics touch her. I didn’t see the logic, she was dead and there was nothing they could do.

I chanced a glance at my father. His eyes were set forward on my mother’s coffin. She was too brutally ripped apart to be okay to have an open casket. The knot in my stomach twisted like it always did when I thought about how this was all my fault. The guilt was drowning me but I couldn’t do anything about it.

My father noticed me staring and looked over at me briefly. His eyes were brighter than usual. I felt like I was intruding on his grieving process. The left side of his lips turned upwards lightly as he grabbed my hand. My father was never very affectionate so this simple gesture meant the world to me. And I didn’t deserve the sympathetic look in his eyes.

“She’s in a better place.” Was all he said. I suspected it was all he could say without losing it because he turned away quickly and released my hand.

I wanted to believe she was in a better place. Anywhere had to be better then here, right?

The minister spoke some mournful words. I was pretty sure he was a hunter, too. Had I always been surrounded by these people but been too blind to realize it?

The sure answer was yes because every single one of the people sitting in the cemetery looked familiar, like I’d seen them some point in my short, sad life.

One by one, people stood up to say their final goodbyes to the closed coffin. I stayed in my uncomfortable seat as everyone around me dissipated. I wasn’t sure if I could talk to a coffin like I could my own mother.

So, I stayed in my chair. My shoulder was touched by various people who murmured their regrets. I just stared with an empty expression at them. Being hunters they had probably lost dozens of loved ones. They should know how I feel yet they wouldn’t stop apologizing for something that was my fault.

After what felt like hours, a boy with a permanently terrified look on his face who couldn’t have been much older than me came by with an older man in spectacles. He demanded the boy to do something and the boy turned away immediately.

I watched in silence as the boy got in his machine and picked up my mother’s coffin. I didn’t blink as he slowly—and carefully—lowered it down into its grave.

There was a soft thud and I cringed. It was a small movement but the boy looked directly over to me. Once I got a good look at his face, I realized that I knew him from school. We had chemistry together. I couldn’t recall his name, though.

He stared at me with his big hazel eyes, looking at me with sadness, not pity. He was the first person to look at me like that in four days. I was drowning in pity and guilt. It was nice to see some real passionate sadness for once.

He turned away on his machine and filled up the hole my mother would rest in for eternity. I gripped my hands together as the cemetery emptied out. People stopped trying to consol me.

My eyes didn’t stray from the grave site as he finished up and drove away. I wanted to get up and say goodbye now.

I felt so utterly powerless and I hated it. I hated what had happened to me.

Honestly, what was I doing with my life? Seeing my mother’s grave was like staring at my own mortality. Who would be next? My father? Allison? My friends? Peter would never stop until he got the baby.

The baby I thought, scornfully snorting to myself.

Why was I keeping this baby? I barely knew Derek. Why was I risking my life and everyone I loved for the product of a one night stand with the monster related to the monster that killed my mother? After the encounter with Derek the night it happened, I wasn’t so sure Derek didn’t help out a bit.

There was nothing between Derek and I but the baby. We didn’t love each other; we didn’t even particularly like each other. I was raised to be a hunter and he was raised to be the thing I hunted. It was just that simple.

I felt anger and hatred bubble viciously inside me. I didn’t want to be powerless. I didn’t want to be helpless. I wanted Peter to pay. I wanted Peter Hale dead. And if Derek got in the way of that I couldn’t be responsible for the cross fire.