Vice Versa

Brian grunted in the dark room which was familiar and at the same time, foreign. It was arranged that ‘Alice’ would stay at Brian’s house in a spare room. And much to Brian’s dismay, Alice had to share a bed with Michelle.

Brian could feel a paw swatting at his face. He sniffed and slapped at the disturbance, trying to salvage his fading dream. But the paws pressed on his face more urgently. With an annoyed sigh, he sat up on the bed to find Tholomew sitting next to him.

“What the fuck do you want? Food? A crap in the litter? It’s like… 4am.” Brian hissed, after glancing at the digital clock which glowed red.

“Calm your farm. I need to talk to you.” Tholomew said. Brian gave a yelp, utterly and absolutely shocked. He panted, rubbing his eyes and pinching his skin.

“It’s a dream. It’s a dream.” He muttered. How could cats talk?

“Shh. Artemis made it so that I can talk at exactly 4am and it ends at 5am. This is real” Tholomew crawled to Brian, who was frozen in fear. The cat gave a chuckle. His voice was interesting. It wasn’t low or high, and it had a slight lisp.

“You… you sound like Jimmy.” Brian stuttered.

“Who else do you think? Shit dude, I missed you and the guys.” He looked in the distance, a wistful look to his feline face. Brian gaped. Was it really his dead best friend reincarnated into cat form?

“Is this you?” Tholomew, or Jimmy, simply nodded in confirmation.

“I’m here to help. I thought I would never see the day that you turn into a girl. You were pretty close anyway.”

“Fuck you.” Brian scowled. Jimmy laughed. “Anyway, do you know what will make us swap back?”

“I won’t tell you. If I tell you, the curse will be irreversible forever. And it’s fuckin’ creepy seeing an attractive girl and to find out that my best friend is in that body.”

“You thought I was attractive?”

“Not you. Alice.” Jimmy shuddered, probably imagining his best friend in a suggestive position.

“So how will you help?”

“I will push you in the direction you’re supposed to take.”

“Right…. Is it really you?”

“Yeah, dude! How many times do I have to tell you?”

“Right, right…” Brian ran his hand over his long blonde locks. He had a sudden urge to smoke. He wasn’t sure if Alice smoked or not, but he thought, fuck it, she didn’t need to know. He crawled out of bed, readjusting the oversized House of Syn shirt. It was strange, since the shirt was just his size when he was in his own body. He jogged downstairs, carrying Tholomew. He grabbed his own pack of Marlboros on the kitchen bench and went outside to his back porch. He sat down, settling Jimmy next to him. Jimmy licked his paws clean.

“It’s fucking great being a cat. All you need to do is sleep, eat and poop. But I miss drumming…” he said, in between licks.

“I’m sure.” Brian lit a cigarette. After breathing in the noxious chemicals from the cancer stick, he relaxed. He was much more relaxed in a long time. From Jimmy dying, writing Nightmare, an array of busy tours and interviews and recently, this body swap, he was utterly stressed. Right now was the time that he finally had time to relax. He gave a groan of contentment.

“It’s so good right now. You’re back; things aren’t so fucked up…” Brian trailed away.

“I don’t know if I’m back forever. I don’t think so anyway… You know, I was the one who steered Artemis to you and Alice? Mainly, I used an excuse to just to see you again. But Artemis had other ideas.”

“Really?”

“Yup.”

Alice suddenly woke up. She had a strange dream which was fading as soon as she opened her eyes. Her throat felt dry and her mouth was fuzzy. She wanted a glass of water. She carefully prised away Michelle’s arms away from her and got out of the bed. She narrowly got out from having sex with Michelle last night and settled to cuddling. It was awkward for her.

She climbed downstairs to the kitchen and pulled out a glass. Water filled and bubbled over the top. Quickly, she gulped down the refreshing liquid before she heard voices.

“I don’t know if I’m back forever. I don’t think so anyway… You know, I was the one who steered Artemis to you and Alice? Mainly, I used an excuse to just to see you again. But Artemis had other ideas.”

“Really?”

“Yup.”

Alice followed the voices outside until she found her body, possessed by Brian, smoking with the cat, Tholomew.

“Oh! Hello, Alice! I give you my greetings!” the cat said raising his paw as if he was waving. Alice was shocked. The glass slipped from her hands and shattered on the ground, splashing the water everywhere.

“Ah shit. I should have toned it down a bit.” Jimmy muttered.

“What the fuck!? Brian, you’re smoking in my body. FYI, I don’t smoke! And, Tholomew, you’re fucking talking!”

“Yes, I am fucking talking!”

“Who the fuck are you?”

“I am the Reverend Tholomew Plague!” Jimmy’s voice was dramatic, but then he said in a normal voice; “Or Jimmy.”

“But… But Brian told me you’re dead!”

“I’m not dead! I just reincarnated.” He seemed offended.

“Sorry! Are you offended?”

“No, not really. Just… the whole thought of me being dead sounds depressing.”

“Okay. Brian, put that shit out.”

“But… But I haven’t had one for fuckin’ ages!” Brian groaned.

“I don’t want you giving me cancer.” Brian just scoffed in response.

“Seriously.” Alice finally got down and picked up the shattered remains of the glass of water. Brian reluctantly put out his cigarette.

“I’ll help you clean up.” Brian got up from the outdoor couch and helped Alice pick up the glass fragments. They wrapped up the fragments in newspaper and dumped it in the bin. They heard footsteps padding from upstairs. Michelle came into sight.

“What was going on? I heard yelling and something breaking?” she asked.

“Oh… I was scared because Br – Alice was outside and I didn’t see her.” Alice said, narrowly missing slipping out Brian’s name instead.

“Okay. The something breaking?”

“I had a glass of water and I dropped it.”

“Okay. You guys okay?” Alice and Brian nodded.

“You look tired, Brian.” She walked up to Alice and brushed the dark brown hair out of her face.

“I’m fine! Jeez.”

“Are you sure? Do you want me to cheer you up?” Michelle said with a smirk, fusing together Alice’s hands with hers. Alice gulped. She looked at Brian to see his reaction. He sighed, shaking his head, as if he was silently saying ‘whatever’. Alice was stuck, she wanted to Michelle to worry less, but it would be extremely uncomfortable. Although Alice always wanted to know what the man’s point of view was like in these kinds of things, but this situation was different. Without further ado, Michelle pulled Alice upstairs, leaving Brian and Jimmy behind in the kitchen.

“Dude, guess what?” Jimmy chuckled, diverting Brian’s attention from the disappearing couple to the ground where Jimmy was sitting on.

“What?”

“Alice is boning your wife. That’s some fucked up shit.”

“Fuck…” Just then, Brian let it sink in. Alice was going to screw his own wife, whether he liked it or not. He groaned.