Vice Versa

Brian had to admit, Envy was a very pretty girl. He even thought she was when he first met her when he woke up that fateful morning in Alice’s bed. Envy was standing at the doorway. Her hands were clasped in front of her and she was swaying shyly. She was biting her pouty cherub like lips. As soon Alice appeared in the doorway, Envy gave an enormous gasp.

“Why didn’t you tell me that you swapped bodies with fucking Synyster fucking Gates!” she squealed to Alice. Brian glanced to Alice arrogantly, his eyebrow cocked smugly.

“See, she knows my band.” He said.

“Shut up.” Alice shot back weakly.

“Whoa, okay. Let me calm down.” Envy said in between deep breaths. She gestures her hands as if she was attempting to fan herself. Alice smirked at her reaction.

“Okay, done.” Envy finally announced. Before she took another step in the threshold of his house, she squealed one more time. “Sorry. It just came out.” Alice rolled her eyes and dragged Envy in the house.

“For the love of God, help me!” She yelled as she rattled Envy’s shoulders. The brown haired woman was frozen, not used to Alice’s actions, especially that she had large muscular arms and much taller. Her face was frozen into shock.

“Synyster Gates is asking me to help him.” Envy muttered. Alice groaned, exasperated.

“Get over your fangirliness. This is Alice. And I need your help.”

“Okay.” Envy snapped her fingers and pointed at Alice, thumb extended. “What’s wrong?”

“Okay, Jimmy told me that there is something wrong with me and the witch told us that we had to look in ourselves and I was okay before but I fucked that up. Can you tell me what’s wrong with both of us?” Alice tumbled out everything in one word. Across from her, Envy just stood there, a blank perplexed face covering her features.

“What?”

“Look, to put it simply, what is wrong with me that made me and Brian swap bodies?”

“With you? Or with Brian? More likely you. You were one fucked up kid.”

“Fucked up?” Brian chimed in. “She seems… normal.”

“I don’t know why she is like that right now. Mark my words; she’s weirder than you have ever seen of her.” Envy turned to Brian.

“Hello, subject of conversation in hearing range?” Alice piped up in a sing song voice.

“What’s wrong? Be insightful.” Alice scrunched up her face. Envy wasn’t known for being insightful. She just bluntly saw people as who they are. She sees things how they are, rather than the inside.

“Alice…” she dragged out the name. “You know I’m not good with this shit.”

“Just try. I just want to get back in my body. I had a dream that I was in my own body. It was way better than a wet dream.”

“Ew. Okay. Umm… you are… kind of… I don’t know. Self-absorbed or something. You’re bossy. I don’t know, okay! You don’t seem like it right now, though.”

“What about me?” Brian cut in.

“There is nothing wrong with you.” Envy dreamily smiled. Brian gave an arrogant smirk in return.

“That’s exactly what is wrong with you!” Alice gasped.

“What?” he raised his eyebrow.

“You’re a cocky son of a bitch.”

“With every reason to be.” Brian returned. Envy nodded in agreement.

“If you had every reason to be, would you be in this situation? The witch said we need to look in ourselves and around us… wait. Around us? Is that some sort of hint?”

“Oh.” Brian realised the fact that there had to be something holding him back from getting out of this situation. He internally thumped his head. He had been so blind. There had been something wrong with him. With that thought, it shattered his assured confidence. He was so used to being praised so much. Sure, he had been insulted or been put down, but that never actually got to him.

For the first time in a long time, something gave his heart a pang. Suddenly, he became paranoid of what others think. Was he that shallow and easily read? What does Alice truly think of him? What is he to the world? What was wrong with him? That final question repeated in his mind. It flashed like an enormous neon sign. It must be as well been stamped on his forehead.

He felt something slinking around his legs. He stared down to find a familiar cat mewling. He sighed and he crouched to pick up the cat. Tholomew was nestled comfortably in Brian’s arms. He looked like a baby, being cradled in such way.

“Around us?” Envy repeated.

“Yeah… like… projecting… our inner thoughts or something out? Like… look away from ourselves or something?” Alice added. She wasn’t entirely sure. She took notice of Tholomew who was rapidly nodding his head. It was a very strange sight. Nodding was a human thing and seeing a black cat doing it threw her off.

“Who’s that?” Envy cooed as she cautiously reached out to stroke the cat.

“Tholomew.” Brian explained as Jimmy began to meow loudly, raising his paws.

“What is it, chap?” Brian jiggled him. He seemed to narrow his eyes at Brian. He kept meowing before twisting out of his hold. He thumped to the floor. He sat on the wooden floor, waiting.

“What is going on, Jimmy?” Alice raised her eyebrow.

“Is that really a cat?” Envy’s question was ignored. Tholomew gave a frustrated meow. He knew that Alice and Brian were on to something, but they got side-tracked. He wanted to help them as much as he could. He needed some form of communication.

“Oh! Pen and paper?” Brian suddenly said. Indignantly, Alice raised her eyebrow.

“Cats don’t have opposable thumbs.”

“It’s hard to imagine Jimmy with no thumbs, okay!”

“Something he can move? Do you have an Ouija board or fridge letters or something?”

“Is he a fucking human or a cat?” Envy yelled, cutting through Alice and Brian’s intense discussion.

“He is both!” Brian snapped at Envy. “And I do have an Ouija board.” He sped up to the stairs.

“Both?” Envy was possibly the most confused woman on earth.

“Long story. Look, let’s just work it out as soon as possible.” Alice finished as Brian reappeared with a black Ouija board with a glass. He kneeled before Tholomew before offering him the board. The cat covered a letter with his paw. It was the letter A. Then he covered R, then O, and so on until he spelt ‘around us’.

“Oh! Around us!” Alice was the first to remember. Tholomew nodded.

“Is that like, the key to solving this shit?”

Once again, he nodded.

“So we need to look beyond ourselves?”

A nod.

“But how?”

“You keep saying that there is something wrong with you guys.” Envy chimed in. She didn’t want to be left out. Tholomew nodded frantically.

“So…?” Alice crumpled up her face. She was utterly lost on where to begin. Jimmy hung his head in disappointment.

“Who is getting better?” Brian asked. Tholomew was silent. The human stared at the cat expectantly, requiring an answer. Jimmy still said nothing. He bent down to the Ouija board to spell out ‘think’.

For the three of them, it was a step ahead and two steps back. They had figured how to work it out, but they had no clue on where to begin.