***tangle

Not everybody was angry with us about what happened. There were some of our friends that were really happy for us, which made us feel less like shit about it. Then there were a good amount of people that could pretty much care less. And Cora and Amanda practically helped us keep the whole thing under wraps before Sarah found out, so they were completely supportive of us.

It was a good feeling, knowing that even though there are some people that nearly hate your guts (or do hate your guts), not everyone felt that way. But it still wasn’t at all nice having those people that dislike you glare at you every time you pass them. Even though Graham and I could be a couple in front of everyone now, it was hard to do it comfortably because of those people.

And of course, as with every small group, word gets around within a day or two. Mr. Ratica even found out about it somehow, and decided that Sarah, Graham and I needed to have a talk about it in his office.

“Now Sarah, I know this has got to be a really difficult thing to deal with,” he started softly. “but I need you to promise me that - at least during practices and games - you won’t let it affect your marching or anyone else’s.”

“How would my feelings affect anyone else’s marching?” she quipped. I could tell she was trying to not snap, because she knew if she did, she’d have gotten yelled at for it.

“Like Monday when you hit me with your flag,” Graham suggested quietly. He didn’t want to make her any angrier, but it was kind of hard not to. She got angry at basically anything that came out of either of our mouths. She glared at him and he sunk down a little in his seat.

“Yes, exactly like that,” Mr. Ratica nodded. “I understand wanting to hit them, but doing it is a different story. What if you hit one of them so hard it broke something and they could no longer march? What if you hit their instrument and it knocked out teeth or split their lip so they could no longer play? I would rather them not be able to march than play, but I would much rather have them both be able to do both. So I would really appreciate you not injuring two of my most valuable players. If you want to hurt someone, make it Scott or Jenny or Chris. Don’t hurt these to, please.”

“Yeah, but Scott, Jenny and Chris didn’t cheat on me or steal my boyfriend,”

“And I get that. I was trying to make a joke to lighten the situation up a bit,”

“This isn’t a very light situation, Mr. Ratica,” I offered up, saying what was on all of our minds. For once, Sarah didn’t glare or scoff at me. She agreed with me too.

“Okay, true,” he nodded. “Well, I'll skip the jokes and go straight to it. Is there any way that you three can get along? If not for anything else, do it for the sake of the band, please.”

“Well they have no problem getting along,” Sarah scoffed.

“This is what I'm talking about,” he warned, giving her a stern look. “I really should have just had this talk with you, Sarah. You’re the one that has the problem. You’re the one that needs to get along with them.”

“Well wouldn’t you have a problem if you were in my place?”

“Yes I would, but I would also recognize that I needed to try and get along with them so we don’t tear down the band from the inside. This is a great way to destroy a close-nit organization, and I really wish all three of you would have realized that a lot sooner. Perhaps if you would have, this wouldn’t have happened and we would not be having this talk right now. So can you or can you not be civil to them, Sarah?”

“I can try,”

“No,” he said quickly. “You will be civil to them. If I find out that you aren’t – at least during band functions – you will be benched that week’s game, and depending on what you did, possibly even the one after that. Do you understand me?”

“But Sir, that’s not fair!” she exclaimed, her voice changing from pissed for the first time yet. “How can you do that for something not band related?”

“If you injure one of my best players, then yes it is,”

“I'm not going to hurt them. But not hurting them and being ‘civil’ are two different things. What if I'm just in a bad mood and they think I'm not being ‘civil’ to them? I can’t be benched for having a bad day!”

“Then they have to promise me that they will only say something if you really aren’t being civil to them,” he said to her before turning to Graham and I. “Did you get that? Only if she is being really horrible to you are you allowed to come to me. If she snaps at you, deal with it. If she swings at you, tell me. You both understand the difference there?”

“Yes sir,” I agreed.

“Of course,” Graham nodded. “I wouldn’t do anything like that. I don’t want to hurt you anymore than I already have, Sarah. But I know I can’t take it back and I know you’ll never forgive me for it. I would never intentionally make you suffer any more than you have, and I hate that you already have.”

“Save it, Graham. I've already heard all of your shit,”

“Alright, come on,” Mr. Ratica started. “We were making progress here. Let’s just backtrack and all agree that we’ll be civil again.”

“I know I will. I don’t want to cause any more trouble for anyone,” I said, looking softly at Sarah, who was glaring at me once again.

“You’ve already heard that I will and why,” Graham offered, shrugging slightly. He looked as if he was giving up on trying to explain himself to Sarah, who really wasn’t going to listen to “his shit” anymore.

“Fine, I'll be civil. And I'm not going to hurt either of you anymore. I'm still pissed, and I'm still going to be pissy, but I'll be as nice as I can. Or I just won’t talk. That’d probably be better anyways. Yeah, I just won’t talk to you guys, no matter what. That should keep me from snapping, I guess,” Sarah rambled quietly. It really did seem like she was trying to make an effort, but I knew it was going to be hard for her to do. That’s why I wasn’t going hard on her or anything. She really had been through enough shit and I didn’t want to add to that any more than I already have. I felt terrible about what happened, but there was nothing anyone could do to make her feel better about it.



Our football team made it all the way into the final game of the playoffs, which meant that we were marching until December 3rd. It took until the week before the final playoff game for Graham and I to stop being glared at as we walked together or sat together. That’s because Sarah told her friends and everyone else that was angry at us to stop it, surprisingly enough. What was even more surprising was her coming up to us during the third quarter of that game and not being hostile.

Graham and I were standing near the concession stands, talking to a couple of kids from the other team’s band when one of them pointed out to us that a girl from our school was walking towards us. We both looked around and saw Sarah headed our way. She stopped and smiled at everyone before addressing us.

“Hey, Graham, Jessie, when you guys get a minute could I have a talk with you both?” she asked kindly. It was the nicest I’d seen her in a very long time, and I knew the same could go for Graham. She was showing us a side that neither of us had seen for a while.

“Yeah, sure Sarah,” I answered after a couple seconds of being totally dumbstruck.

“Okay, great,” she smiled. “I'll meet you guys back in our stands.”

Graham waited until she was out of earshot to say anything. “What’s she planning?”

“How should I know?” I shrugged, just as lost as him.

We said goodbye to the kids we were talking to and wished their band luck for the rest of the year before heading off back to our band’s stands. Lo and behold, there’s Sarah, sitting by herself, sipping at a styrofoam cup of something. It didn’t seem like Graham wanted to cause any kind of confrontation and sure as hell didn’t want to talk to her first after all the shit she’s thrown at us. So with that in mind, I knew I had to be the one to initiate conversation with her. I sat down next to her and Graham sat next to me, looking kind of like a scared child.

“So what did you want to talk about, Sarah?” I asked nicely, cocking my head slightly out of habit.

“I wanted to apologize,” she sighed, looking between the two of us.

“Apologize?” Graham’s voice nearly squeaked.

“I've treated both of you like utter shit over the past couple of months, and I'm really sorry about that,”

“We kind of deserved it though,”

“No you didn’t,” she shook her head. “Yeah, you did a shitty thing, but I can see that now that how I treated you wasn’t right. I feel real bad about everything.”

“So you aren’t angry with us anymore?” I seemed to be doing most of the ‘conversing’ with Sarah, seeing as how Graham was off in his own dumbstruck world. I think he was having a really hard time either believing her or letting it all sink in.

“I'm mad, yeah, but not at you. I'm mad about what you did, but I'm not angry at either of you guys,” she said. Her tone of voice was really hard to figure out. It almost sounded solemn, but she didn’t seem very sad about the whole situation. Almost like she was happy for it to happen, but had a hard time with it (which obviously she did). Kind of bittersweet, I guess is the best way I could think to explain it. It was yet another thing about that girl that I couldn’t quite pin.

“Why?” he asked, shaking himself out of his own trance.

“What do you mean, why?”

“I mean, why aren’t you mad at us? I would be if the roles were reversed, which is why I felt so horrible about it in the first place,”

“Being mad at you isn’t going to change what happened. And I've seen you guys together so many times in the past months. I saw how much you guys do belong together. That’s not me being sarcastic either. I really do think you guys are good for each other, but it took me a while to see that through my haze of anger. I was also kind of in denial. I didn’t want to admit that you’re a cute couple, but you are and I see that now.” She took a long drink from her cup and swallowed thoughtfully. “I want you guys to be happy with each other and I don’t want to get in your way. And I think I've talked with everyone else that was ‘on my side’ or whatever, and they all understand that I'm not mad anymore, so I don’t think you’ll have problems with anyone anymore. I really do wish you guys the best of luck.”

Sarah got up and walked out of the stands, turning to wave at us as she walked away. It was such a weird way to end a conversation, but I guess that was just her style.

I looked at Graham, who was looking at me with the same expression; a mixture between relief and confusion. I chuckled lightly and laid my head on his shoulder. His arms wrapped around my waist and held me against him.

In the cold night air of an Ohioan December, it was a lovely feeling to be pressed up against a person you really cared for.

And with the sounds of a football game ringing in my ears, I couldn’t help but think, ’I told you, self; something good came out of this after all.’