I Need You, Just Like You Need Me.

I found myself standing in the bathroom, of a little club. I was alone, and The door was locked. My day was going pretty well, then the show ended. And the girls swarmed around my best friends. The girls didn't bother me, I wasn't into the guys   in that way. It's just, it made me feel like shit. Everyone looks so pretty and perfect. And no matter what I did, I came up short. Which brings us back to the bathroom. I reach into my bag, pulling out a small box. I open it, pulling out a tiny razor  blade. I close my eyes, and surrender myself to the pain. 

I push the blade deeper into my skin. My eyes stay closed, I could feel the warm sensation of my blood drip off my arm. After about three minutes passed, The sound of my ringtone consumed  me. I search 
for paper towel, to wipe away the blood. I check my phone, Pat had texted me, "Where are you? We are ready to go home." 
I didn't bother texting back.  I rinsed off  the blade, and pulled my sleeve down. 

•••
 "Where were you?" Garrett asked, walking up to me.

"Ohh, I Had to use the bathroom." Garrett and I have been living together, for about two years now. He's still oblivious to my self destruction. And I'd like to keep it that way.

"Okay, well come on. I'm tired." He turned around, walking to the rest of the guys. 

We were all on the bus, heading back to mine and Garrett's house. I sat alone, separating myself from everyone else. The guys voices roared,  talking about what to do with the time they have off.

"Let's go down to the lake!" John chimed in the conversation.

"Yes!" Jared's shot his head up. " It's suppose to be like a billion degrees for the rest of the week."

"Hey Rory," Johns voice awakened me from my daydream. "Do you think your sister would be cool with us staying with her, for a couple days?"

My older sister Harlow, lived with her fiancé Stephen. They have a huge house, right on the lake. "Um, I don't think she would mind. She loves having guests."

"Sweet, looks like we are having a lake party!" John leaned back on his seat. 

•••
I  was the first one up, as usual. I packed  my bag with enough clothes for three days. I was stoked to see my sister, but I dreaded swimming. I'm not a big bathing suit wearer, I hated my body. Thinking about having to deal with this, made me feel weak.

  I have a bathroom in my room. That made it easy for me to satisfy my urge to, hurt myself. I wandered in, pulling up my hair in a bun. I prop myself up, hanging my head  over the toilet.  I used my finger to gag myself. After a couple tries, I finally felt the vomit slip up my throat. I repeated that once more, before brushing my teeth. 

I head downstairs, to make sure the boys were up. Kennedy, Jared, and Garrett were on the couch, in the living room.

"You guys ready?" I asked, placing my hands on my hips. 

"Just waiting on Pat in the bathroom. And John just woke up." Jared rolled his eyes.

"It's okay, we can leave him." Kennedy smiles. 

I brought my bags down to the van, by that time John was ready.  We all load in to the van, Garrett took the role of the driver on this trip. It was was going to be an hour and half drive.  John Sat in the back with me. John and I always have been pretty close. We kept each other sane, most of the time. 

I guess my face showed I wasn't excited about going. 
John leaned over to me, "You look thrilled. Something wrong?"

"No, I'm just tired." Lie. 

"Ohh, I see. Fair warning, I might fall asleep on you." John laughs. 

"That's fine, just don't drool on me!" 

John's voice attempted to sound serious. "I can't make any promises." He laughed and slipped his arm around my shoulder.