Caught Like A Fly

I was standing with Rachel, both of us wearing matching dresses in a pretty shade of purple. Viv said Ronnie liked the color purple, so we didn't have a choice in the matter. They were knee-length, made out of silk with thin straps and a heart-shaped bodice. I would never wear it again. All of the guys were standing together like a group of penguins in their matching tuxedos that would match Ronnie's if he took his vest off. Ronnie, my self-adopted big brother, was getting married. We only had twenty minutes until the wedding started, but at this rate, it would feel like a year. Well, twenty minutes was better than no time at all.

"Huh?" Ronnie asked, turning his head as I walked up to him and cleared my throat. "Andy. I've been meaning to talk to you. Are you okay?" He had his hands on my shoulders, and when I chanced a look at Jacky, he was staring stonily in another direction.

"No," I choked out. Viv would murder me if I messed up my makeup. "I've never had everything so bottled up in my entire life."

"Well, he's standing right there and he can hear you," he said quietly, nodding his head in Jacky's direction. Jacky didn't bother to conceal the fact he was looking at me now. "Go ahead."

"I don't want to ruin your wedding."

"You aren't going to ruin anything," Ronnie laughed. "Just talk. You ramble on a lot now, thanks to Viv."

"Well, I think it all started when I quit my band," I said softly, my eyes looking at the pictures in my head, remembering the shows I haven't played in almost a year. "I haven't found anything that replaces that. Yeah, I play with Jacky, but it's not the same. I know he knows that. He compliments that life, he can't replace it. I think he knows that, too." I paused, glancing at Jacky, who was staring at me with more emotion in his face than I've seen in months.

"I don't care about Connor. I definitely never loved him. He just reminds me of the life I belong in, and by letting him go I was letting music go. Now I know that's ridiculous. I wish I would have figured that out before it was too late," my voice cracked and big, fat tears threated to leave my eyes, but I remembered Viv's reaction when I accidentally rubbed one of my eyes earlier. My eyes dried.

"Too late?" Ronnie asked, one eyebrow lifted in confusion. Before I could ask, Darren was clapping his hands loudly; a signal that it was time to pair up and get ready to walk down the aisle. Jacky and Ryan stood on either side of me, their arms held out for me to take. I looked at Ryan, who winked and gestured with his eyes to look at the man on my other side. Slowly, I turned my head to take on that cold, blue-eyed stare, but it wasn't cold at all. He had so many questions, so many things to say and we both knew it would have to wait. He was always good at communicating without saying anything.

A piece that Ronnie wrote started to play, and we started to walk. I distracted myself by pretending Ryan was my dad and that Jacky wasn't there. That Jacky was waiting for me at the end of this stretch of white walkway. I mentally shook my head and smiled. What a ridiculous notion. It was going to take me a long time before Jacky forgave me and deserved something like that. Parting with him to stand next to Rachel was difficult; like pulling two magnets apart. At least he was smiling now, even if he was trying to hide it.

The ceremony couldn't have gone any more smoothly, other than Ronnie making Viv cry with that song he's been obsessing over for ages. She parted reluctantly with the roses she forged for him, because I had to hand them over for her. They really were the most elegant things she's ever made, since she was more of a knives and weapons kind of woman. At the end, though, I've never seen two people happier than they were.

* * *

The rush to get to the reception was hilarious. Ronnie picked up Viv, who squawked loudly and giggled the entire way down the aisle, her dress trailing on the ground. I linked arms with Andy, Ryan on her other side, all three of us grinning from ear-to-ear for our friends. We were all supposed to get the bride and groom away from each other to get them changed. Ronnie wanted to change into his regular clothes, and Viv had a different dress to wear. In other words, Darren's father Charles was looking for ways to spend money on her. His cheeks were wet with happy tears as if Viv was his real daughter. He was the one who gave her away since Viv's father had passed away.

"Andy," I started to say after we were back in the foyer, "meet me by that fountain you like so much, I have to talk--" Rachel grabbed her by the elbow and pulled her into the elevator with an insanely happy Viv. She nodded, and I sighed in relief.

"What was that all about?" Ronnie asked me as we got into the elevator on the opposite side. "Why would she think she was out of time?"

"I don't know," I said, knitting my eyebrows together in thought. "Does Viv have a surprise for me or something?"

"It wouldn't surprise me," Ronnie shrugged. "She said she was going to take care of Andy, and knowing Viv, she would probably do something over the top."

Within the next half hour, all of the wedding guests were gathered around the dance floor, watching Ronnie and Viv have their first dance. Viv's dress was a sparkly gold thing that probably cost a small fortune, twirling with her the way it did with dancers in the movies. She parted with Ronnie and danced with Charles, and surprised me by taking my hand and putting it on her waist.

"Jacky," she said seriously. "I have something for you."

"What? Viv, no, you can't, this is your wedding--"

"And I can give anyone anything I feel like giving," she finished for me, looking as if this gift was going to hurt her. "Do you miss your family?" We were drifting back and forth across the floor like professionals, but in all honesty, my mind was simply distracted and my feet did all the work. I was always a fast learner.

"Of course," I said, recalling pictures of my mum and dad. "A lot."

"Come with Ronnie and me to the airport," she said. "I bought you a one way ticket to London." My heart lifted and I stopped dancing to give her a hug. Everyone took that as the signal to enter the dance floor themselves and get this reception started.

"Thank you so much, Viv," I said into her hair, and held her an arm's length away. "Why a one-way? You know I have to come back for the band, right?"

"Andy doesn't know that," she said, smirking. "I know, it was low, but I had to get her ass moving somehow."

"You told her I was going home to London and not coming back?!" I asked incredulously, but unable to stop from smiling.

"I said no such thing," she said, putting her hands on her hips. "I told her Ronnie bought you a one-way ticket to London. She assumed the rest."

"You should apologize to Ronnie," I told her. "He's been so confused by Andy that he doesn't know how to talk to her anymore."

"I'm on my way to tell my husband--you have no idea how good it feels to say that--that you're coming with us, right? It's round-trip, don't look at me like that," she said wryly, flicking my shoulder. "Now you should go meet Andy by that fountain. She's waiting for you. Mrs. Radke. How does that sound? Okay, I'm going, I'm going!"

* * *

Figures. Jacky wasn't at the fountain, and everyone had started dancing. I was about to get up and leave, but I saw him jog into the empty courtyard and stop a good six feet away from me. He was smiling like an idiot, and despite my irritation I had to smile back. I stood up and folded my arms nervously, wondering how to ask him to stay here with me. Well, I never used to tolerate subtlety, and I wasn't going to tolerate it now. In three leaps I had my arms wrapped around his chest and my face buried in the crook where his shoulder met his neck and I begged.

"Please, don't leave. Jacky, I need you, don't go to London," I said, my voice shaking. "I can't lose you, not again. I can't." His silence lasted forever. He rested his cheek against my head, and I could hear his heartbeat speed up and his breathing change.

"Why?" That single word hummed in my brain like the vibrations from his throat hummed against my head.

"Do you remember when we met?" I asked, and he hummed in acknowledgment. "You did a lot more than pick me up off of the floor. You picked up the broken pieces of my life and handed me the idea of a new one."

"By getting you to cheat on your boyfriend?"

"I thought about you every single day," I snapped, lifting my head and backing up so I could look him in the eye. "For a year. I knew my life would be better if only Jacky Vincent was a bigger part of it, but now look at us."

"We're falling apart at the seams," he said gloomily, pulling me back to his chest. "I need to go home, Andy."

"No!" I cried, hitting his shoulder. He grunted a little, but he didn't push me away. If anything, he held me a little tighter.

"Listen to me!" he said loudly, but I couldn't let this happen.

"I love you," I said, and the water works were starting up again. I was doing a lot of crying lately. It was very unbecoming on me.

"I love you, too," he said, tucking an errant hair behind my ear. "I'm coming back, you know."

"When?" I asked, hope beginning to filter through my drowning heart like bubbles of oxygen.

"I don't know," he said, his eyebrows scrunched together. Well, there went the hope. "But I will come back. I promise." This is when I broke down. The cobblestones hurt my knees and my heels fell off. I heard my shoes scrape the ground like they were being picked up, and then I was lifted off the ground. I hid my face in Jacky's shoulder as he carried me to the elevator, telling everyone I was drunk. That only brought another wave of sadness that made me shake. I wasn't going to cry anymore. Jacky was going to London and there was nothing I could do about it.