Caught Like A Fly

Greeley Estates was an amazing band, but they didn't have any answers for me. The next week was a daze, and I seriously considered finding a drug dealer and buying some E or something just to break the monotony. Wake up, find a shitter, scavenge for free coffee, skip meals and scavenge for more coffee and find another shitter. Jacky said he had been busy with rehearsals, and I was busy with trying to get some sleep. It was hard to do when you demanded shotgun. I got carsick in the back, and the boys were bigger than me, so it wouldn't be fair for me to take up an entire seat to my tiny self. Connor offered to let me sleep on him, but I didn't think it would be right for me to think about Jacky while lying on my boyfriend's chest.

It felt like this dilemma should have been a bigger deal than it was, but honestly, things weren't any different. Dakota still irritated the shit out of Connor, Vinny and I still jammed together and nothing seemed out of place except in my own mind. Vinny could tell more than the others, but Dakota was oblivious and Connor didn't want to think anything was wrong. Plus, Vinny was a guitar player and I simply felt more comfortable around other guitar players.

"I wish I was a girl so I could flirt with Jacky Vincent," said Vinny wryly one day, which was also the day before Falling in Reverse started their tour. Jacky and his band would be here any time now. I wondered why the schedule was so weird towards the end, giving us every other day off. That's why this tour was taking so fucking long.

"You don't have to be a girl, he might swing both ways for you," I told him, warming up my fingers with little solos we came up with. We liked to play "HORSE" guitar-style. I always won unless he threw in something ridiculous that he would never be able to do again. "You'll never know unless you try. The worst thing he can do is turn you down."

"Good point," he said, copying what I played. "You haven't called dibs on him or anything?"

"I have a boyfriend, I'm not allowed to call dibs," I said lamely, pursing my lips. "What do you think about me and Connor?"

"Well, I'm friends with you both, so it makes this hard," he said, playing his own lick and waiting for me to play it back. "But do you want my honest opinion? The same one I gave Connor?"

"Sure," I said after I played the short tune. "Don't sugar-coat it."

"Dump him."

"WHAT?"

"He was going to break up with you after this tour," Vinny said calmly like this was something that happened every day. "But he keeps finding excuses to keep you around."

"Really?" I asked, and I couldn't hide the enthusiasm in my voice, and I didn't have the energy to feel bad about it.

"No," he said, and put his guitar in its case.

"Oh."

"Andy," he said, putting his elbows on his knees and giving me a nice view of the tattoos on his chest through his v-neck that was loose from being worn for four or five days straight. "I want you to be happy. You play better when you're happy, and the band does better when you're happy. If that means you need to take a break from Connor, take a break from Connor. If he doesn't understand, he didn't deserve you in the first place."

"What if he quits the band?" I asked desperately, setting my head on his shoulder.

"Then it looks like we'll be holding auditions for a new bass player and a new vocalist," Vinny said with certainty. "Me and Dakota aren't going to leave this band, Andy. If that's what you're concerned about, you can rest easy. Don't turn this into a bigger problem than it needs to be."

"You have no idea how much weight you just lifted off of my shoulders," I mumbled to him through my greasy hair. "If it wasn't so awkward, I would kiss you right now."

"I already have to jack off before practicing with you for long periods of time, don't play mind games with me, gypsy!" I rolled onto the floor and laughed hysterically until I thought I was going to pass out.

* * *

Twenty minutes. Only twenty more minutes and we would be at the venue where Andy and her band were. Anticipation had been wreaking havoc on my guts and all kinds of food made me feel queasy. Ronnie teased me with everything he ate and made sure everyone was as miserable as he was. Viv couldn't come on this tour and now that he popped the question to her, he had been a brat the entire trip. I did my best to ignore him, and it was easier than I thought it was going to be.

"Fuck, I feel like I should be writhing on the floor," I said, clutching my stomach. "I hate this feeling."

"No you don't," said Derek, looking out of the bus window next to me. "You love it."

"I'm not so sure about this," I told him, falling to the bus floor with a loud thump and curling into a ball. "Rouse me when we reach the venue." I closed my eyes and begged for time to pass quickly.

"Is Jacky on the floor again?!"

"Yup."

"He's not puking, is he?"

"Ronnie, leave him alone," Derek yelled back, and left me to scold Ronnie for giving me shit. To make matters worse, Andy texted me in all caps saying that she was so excited that I was going to be there soon. That roiling feeling in my stomach surged and this time I was beginning to doubt my ability to keep my breakfast down.

"Jacky," said Mika, and I felt a hand rubbing my back. "We aren't there yet, but I thought you might want to put your eyeliner on." I felt him tap me on the forehead with it before letting it drop and leaving the room. I got out of my miserable little heap and sat cross-legged in front of a tall mirror that was attached to the wall. This was adequate distraction, and by the time I had pocketed the little stick of liner the bus had stopped and I was the last one out.

* * *

I saw it; their bus. Falling in Reverse was here. Jacky was here. I shoved open the double doors as hard as my arms would push and sprinted to the gaggle of men dressed in black and chains, already becoming surrounded by VIP concert-goers. He saw me immediately and left his band mates to close the distance between us. I stopped a few feet short, and he also slowed to a walk and eventually a complete stop.

"Hi," I said, feeling shy as soon as I was able to speak. My arms make an awkward movement that would have looked normal if I was wearing my guitar, like I was going to rest them on top of it, and shook them out nervously. A smile broke onto his face and I could feel one begin to bloom on my own and worked up the courage to wrap my arms around his chest.

"A year is too long," he murmured into my hair, his head resting on top of mine. "Far too long." I hummed wordlessly in agreement, nuzzling my face into his chest before I could stop myself. Connor was sure to be watching. "He's giving me a death glare."

"Let him glare," I said, letting my hands trace his back muscles underneath his leather jacket. I felt his breath hitch on my head when I touched the bare skin on his lower back. I wasn't sure if it was me or him, but it got really warm all of a sudden, and we each took a step back, rearranging our clothes like the hug messed them up. I cleared my throat and stuck my hands in the pockets of my baggy jeans before looking up at him again. God, he was beautiful when he smiled. Life was a fucking bitch.