Wall Paper Flowers.

The truth is…

I’ll probably never leave this place.
I’ll probably live here forever and never live anywhere else, I’ll grow old here and raise my own family in my own house… In this same place.

Everything I want in my life will be washed away by the waves.
I’m almost always certain that I wasn’t meant to live in this century. The nineteen-twenties sound like the place I should have been, before the world wars of course.
I suppose I would died before then, never saw it, heard of it, or had to study it in these damned text books.

I did have a passion to learn, but about things like this? Things like this are things that I don’t want to know, a man thirsty for world power, by killing all Jews, and making a superior race that was the exact opposite of himself, all because a Jewish man turned him away for art school? And then killed himself in the end.

I don’t see his death as a victory at all, but of a waste of life. He was a talented painter, and yes, yes I know being turned away from art school didn’t make him want to kill the Jewish people but it sure as hell seems that way. See I have a soft spot for art, and instead of going down in history as a menace, which disgraces my people, he could have gone down in history as a talented painter.

I don’t really know why I say my people as I take such great notice in the fact that I’m German… Because I don’t, not really. It’s not that I’m offended by it, but I just don’t care really.

“Hey… Buddy.” I looked over to see Reid standing up next to my desk looking impatient. “Do you want to oh I don’t know head to work considering the bell rang a little over 15 seconds ago.”

I quickly gathered my books, pencils, and note books.

“Sorry Reid, thinking about a new novel I wanted to start up soon, maybe this summer.”

“School just stared last week, and you’re thinking about a novel you want to start in the summer?”

“Yeah why not?” I asked putting my things into my locker.

“Well that’s like eight months away…”

“Oh well, I can make it work. I wrote Threader and The Grace all year last year and finished it the week before school year, I can manage.”

“Speaking of can I borrow it yet?”

“Yeah I’ll print it off tonight after work, can you give me money for a new ink cartridge?” I joked. “Just kidding, you know my dad keeps like 50 at a time.”

“I was about to have to slap you, that wasn’t very funny because you know the deal with all the money I have.”

“Reid… It was a joke.”

“I understand that now… Is Dalton working this evening?”

“Why do you say evening? That’s like a mom word.” I said closing my locker with a slight slam.
We started walking out the side door that was closest to my parked car

“Can’t you just answer my question?”

“No I think Laci works tonight.”

“Oh. I always forget to mention how awesome your car is.”

“No, you tell me every day when I pick you up.”

“I know that… I’m just jealous of your car, sorry I won’t speak again.”

Did I not mention that Reid is a bit bi-polar at times, he just takes things to seriously sometimes, I’m never hurt by it though.

“I was just kidding Reid, thank you.”

“You’re welcome…” He said as I started the car and began to drive toward our work.

“So how are things at home anyway?”

“I don’t know really my mom is still trying to take my dad’s house, get all his money and me, and Claire. Even though she’s the one that cheated she thinks she deserves some kind reward, and it’s just selfish, I can’t hate her because she’s mom but I really don’t like her you know?”

He looked over at me and I nodded, knowing he would continue with his teen ramble.

“She just annoys me, and now that their trying to divorce she’s just a completely different person, a person that I never knew. It’s like she took the past and caught it on fire, burnt all of our home videos and pictures from birthday’s. You know she’s already met a guy? And he’s a total loser too; it just makes me so mad.”

“Maybe that other guy is the guy she was already with?” I questioned looking over at him for a slight second. Then back to the road.

“I don’t think so, why would she go from the fancy business man that lives down town to a piece of dog trash.”

I stopped at the red light.

“What?” I said with a hint of laughter.

“What, what?”

“Dog trash?”

“You know… Man I don’t know a piece of trash that a dog chewed on!”

I started to laugh, and he did too telling me to shut up between chuckles.

“I don’t know, he’s just not right I guess.”

“Yeah… I’m sorry man.”

“What did you do when your mom left?”

“Well.” I thought for a second. “I got mad, I listened to a lot of metal and then I cried, then I watched my dad become an alcoholic, then I wrote The Threader and The Grace.”

“That’s about your mom? Now I want to read it even more.”

I pulled into the back lot and at that very moment I wondered where she was, my mom. I wondered if she was all out traveling, if I would ever hear from her again. Reid reached into the back seat and grabbed both of our work shirts. He changed into his in the car and so did I.

“We don’t have to go in for another twenty minutes… Do you want to smoke real quick?”
He offered me a cigarette from the box he had stolen from his dad. I took a cigarette and lit it with the lighter that Reid also had, we shared one on occasion.

When we finished up we went inside and got ready for the busy day of work ahead of us, and also found out that Laci had called in again so Dalton would be working today but he wouldn’t come in until 5.

XXX

It was later, 10 o’clock now that I had taken Reid home and his dad gave me gas money thanking me again for the 50th time this month, at first I took Claire to school too but she went to stay with their aunt, she was only 10 and didn’t really understand what was going on. I drove home with my iPod connected to the radio playing you’re A Wolf, by Sea Wolf.

Every street light filled my car with a dim orange color; I stopped at a few red lights and decided to get some gas since I was pretty close to E. I pulled into the gas station and got out, putting my gas card in the slot and buying 20 dollars, not much but just enough. I got back into my car and started the drive home.

When I got home I started up the stairs and dad’s room was wide open the lights still on, but he was asleep. I turned out the light and closed the door, then went into my room and sat at the computer; I logged on and opened the word document that held Threader and The Grace. I told it to print and sat back for a good 10 minutes waiting for it to finish up, how long it took to print made me proud of myself for how long it was. I was going to send it in to a publishing company soon but decided maybe having Reid read it first was a good idea, get it proof read. When it finished I stacked all the pages together neatly and put them in an old folder, set it on my dresser and got into the shower.
I took a long hot shower and then changed into clean boxers and an old band shirt. I lay down and let out a sigh. I grabbed my journal on my bed stand and scribbled down I miss you mom. putting the journal back in it’s place I stared at the glow stars that were scattered all over my ceiling.

I remembered when we put them up there; Jackson still lived at home, not in New York, not traveling around on mission trips with his church. I missed him too he went to college to become a minister when I was 13; he was of course my older brother. He came to visit for Christmas and Thanksgiving, sometimes my birthday. He promised me he would fly me out to New York with him last summer, and I would go to Jamaica with him and his church, a place I really wanted to visit.

That never happened.

I laid in silence missing mom, and missing Jackson, wondering what they were doing right now.