Doe

Please understand...it has to be this way.

Sometimes you just want to place your fingers onto someones back. Or even you own.
Feel the bones as if the blades were wings, maybe of an angel....or something different. You want to move your fingers, slowly pulling out the wings. As you pull the blades out, blood only falls. As not of your blood drenched tears? Wings may emerge or only if you hope so.

"Only if you hope.", His words trailed off.

I never had a carefully crafted Dr.Drew. I never gave a damn about a doctorate of psychology or nooses?

No, I don't breathe in my toxin's that way.

"Your harboring an addiction", Her likely cow skin chair, croaked. Like the animal it was skinned from, like the little calves were yelping. Forehead screamed, she needed a bloody vacation. Dr. Tablot smile begging for my thoughts.

The chair beckon...
Help me!
Save me!

Don't worry; I'm not a vegan, I won't go all PETA lovin' on you.

I couldn't tell anyone. Oh I never did. I never told them.

I never had that bottle blond girl in my right palm, I was never the sad brunette sidekick. I was never one to be reckon with? No.
I didn't breathe a word to them about murdering. Oh no, Noah and I knew better. As we wanted to bathe in there blood. Those, they. They ruined my life. They left me for dead. You can't just throw me away. We took our AK-47 Noah's Daddy loved for shooting. Or maybe something of the nicer choice? Pistols and ,shotguns? No, I'm rather a magnum revolver.

Shot back the pills fast. Then slice.

We used to ponder why he used them? Why we couldn't wrap our heads around why he would own those many guns? Maybe because he didn't want to feel....frighten. Like he was in the deep end drowning. Never getting out. Black water clouding his vanishing vision. He wanted to be safe. Sliver bullets and nice little weapons a thirteen year old boy might get erections over....did the job.

We would be famous. Not for begin ridiculed. Hurt, feeling like we were in a black hole. We would murder. We would kill all those motherfuckers, they did what they did. We would.

But he had to fall in love. In love? What about me. Was I never good enough? Was I never that blond who's perfect? Who he tells how he fucking cares to?

Okay. Baby....we can play this game.

I love these games. I have all these stains. In my tainted memories. I never could forgive you. As who strode away, with her. Loving her? Maybe.

Charlotte?

Okay. I'm cool with that. No problems. Wonder why she kept walking around...looking around. Always keeping her thoughts to herself. Always. I wonder why things turn out the way they-

I'm normal. I just am scared? Is that bad?

He couldn't just do this.
To me.
To Aria Stone.
To me.
His onyx black hair fell in front of his pale face.



"Baby, let me in"

My feet moved, away from him.

"We're not workin' out..."

Lips curled up into a devilish smile. He was gone.
Roars if scream beckon throughout the room.

From me.

I'm never touched by angels. I breathe in intoxication. Noah made me safe. He made me loved.

Left a sensation along my collar bone, as if his breaths were laced with flames.

He couldn't escape everything. He confided in me. Only me. Not that girl. That girl. Her red hair. He loves red hair. He loves her? He cried to me, and told me her lips were dribbled with acid. Mary Jane? Oh maybe.

He wanted her. I hated her. Simple fact babe.

I'll let you know just how much you mean to me
As snow falls on desert sky
Until the end of everything

I wouldn't get told. I wouldn't get gone. I wouldn't leave them alone. I knew what he would do with her. He is run, through his whole body. His whole body. Not the convulsing one that made me pray. That he wouldn't die.
I won't kill anyone. I promise.
I heard him through a crack in the wall.
They held us. They thought we were going to kill ourselves.

On camera.
What is this? Some sick game? They kept us in cells. We were temportay wounds in there plans. They knew what we were gonna do.
Kill, we wanted to. We longed to. Noah...when he kissed me.
Only once. Maybe twice?
I died inside. I became.

Aria. Nothing remained. Only addiction. I couldn't do anything. I was drawn by his playfully and insightful words. That spewed from his liven mouth. High from all our meds.
Mother worried, cried.
"Is it something I did!?"
"No", I replied flatly.
Why should I hide? I was gone for over two months. People at school....they didn't remember my name. Only until I came back. I was insane. I was the killer. I was the psychopath.
I wouldn't speak the truth to their marked faces. They were marked with vacant wants. They were empty.

Nobody will be with me.
Am I suppose to give you valid reasons for my thoughts?
For what I think is life?
Because life is bullshit.
It is, you fall again. You love again?
Then you die. That's all. No amazing thoughts! Actions! Words!
Can take this fate away from us. We are liars. We are not human. We all need to die.

Is this a world? Is it motherfucker!? No. This. is.hell.
How is this a life? If we have drained out life like vampires.
Nobody should expect me to say sorry for what I did to Charlotte.
Noah was mine. I don't think she couldn't understand. No matter how many times he snaked those has pale hands snaked up her skirts. Her eyes marked with pleasure. Not because of his magic fingers. Only because she knew. He was hers.



And as we're falling down, and in this pool of blood
And as we're touching hands, and as we're falling down
And in this pool of blood, and as we're falling down
I'll see your eyes, and in this pool of blood
I'll meet your eyes, I mean this forever



I wanted to kill everyone. Douse the school on fire. I came with Noah, to the park. Spoke in low shutters. Voice cracking
"Is this because of Char?"
Char?! Char?! Okay...
"Noah, You know I love her like you do!", My voice ached out.
Eyes locked on his angel crafted lips. His cupid bow. His eyes. His pale green eyes.
My heart was dying, I was dying. Shoot something in my veins Noah. Noah.... Noah... Noah..,

Where are you going Noah?
Why are you leaving me Noah?!
I want to see what your insides are!
Don't leave me Noah.
I am your only friend
Noah?

I cut my veins open that day.
I walked in the fucking school.
Gasps and screams.
I'm putting this motherfucker on fire

Life
Is
But
A
Dream
For
DEAD.

On the steps. My blades sliced through my thick skin. It bloomed, the thick, warm blood bloomed and drenched my perfect caramel skin. It marked me. It shed. Dripped down my body.
Arm's split. Lashed my throat.
Revenge.
Coughing. Blood. People stared. I didn't shed a tear. Ripped the bloody blade across my neck.
Then walked. Then walked into the narrow hallways. Blood dripping all over the fucking floor. Mm mm.

Bliss.

Loosing. Thoughts.
people's eyes.
Peoples eyes.
People's faces.
Fading.
Life, is fading? I think not.
Noah? Where are you?
Take my fucking hand?
Teacher's screamed.
Everyone screamed ran.
911!
911!
Save her!
Suicide!
She can't die?!
Mmm.
Darlings, suicide is in the present.
We all commit our devilish affairs. Don't we?
Blood! So much blood.
Spilling.....

My feet plunging forward, cool water washed over me.
Seeing Char.
Let's call her that....
Motherfuckers. Her perfect face, body....complexion gazing into me.
Pity. My bloody arms, body lunged at her. Drenching her in my fucking blood. Noah yelped and threw me off her shaking body.

"Fuck......You......"
"No!", I croaked up. Words barely escaping.

His lips cloaked mine.
Wrapping his hand, gripping fistfuls of my hair.
My blood drenching his. Lips ripping through my flesh. Burning me. I was dying.
I was dying.
Help.

His eyes flicker up.
Grins.

This is how we go.
This is how we go.
And we all fall down.
I tried!
I tried!
I tried....I tried.
Well....

And we'll all dance along...
To the tune of your death.
And we'll love again!
We'll laugh again!
We'll cry again!
We'll dance again!

I told you, Noah. And
Everyone.

Faded away,
Noah.
Take my fucking hand!



I HATE MYSELF.
I HATE MYSELF.
I HATE MYSELF.



"Honey....why do you want to die."
Because your all the fucking same!
Nobody listens! There's no escape.
Kill my hopes.
Call me names.
Broke my jaw.
Your all the same.

Why do you all hate me? Daddy hates me. Mommy hates me.
Everyone hates me. Everyone one wants me dead.
Never stole never did anything.

"Run for you fucking life...", Noah breathed into my ear.
I want to bathe in your blood. I wanted to pull my knife along your flesh. I want to breath in your fear. I want to have your blood on my hands. I want to tie your ankles up and hear your screams. I want to kill you all.

I sure as hell will.

I'm a liar!

Wrapped my fucking hands around your throat.

"What if I can't help if I die?"
"....You want to commit suicide?"
"Why...."
"You little bitch."
"You little serial killer."
"I think...."

"Keepin' this shit alive."

YOU'LL NEVER FORGET MY FUCKING NAME.

I tried so long.
I tried for so long.

I wanna smile and stab you in the fucking back baby.

Liar. Motherfucking liar!

"So....we are coming up with your diagnose."
"Are you fucked up now!".
"What?"
"FUCK YOU!"
"So, it's okay if you don't have to say anything back...."
My mouth didn't form words?
I swear to god I will cut your insides out.
I will kill you all.
Noah, to you. We could of did everything.
People are in the way.
When they shouldn't be.



Call me names. I didn't do all of these. Plan everything just because of a hair twirler girl. I didn't do all of this for nothing.
I never did anything. You didn't listen. You all said all I had was anxiety.
Why can't I breathe? Noah. Noah. Where are you.
Why am I fading away. Why can't you hear my screams.
Why are you screaming run!
I don't know how to!
Why are there blood around me?
Why is their....blood.
So much blood.
So much.
There's blood on my hands?
Well at least this is a start.