Rhinestone Eyes.

June 28th, 2011

It had only been six days since Sierra had come back, Jess had already left, she left the day after they had gotten there only giving Danny a few hours to get to know his son. Madison hasn’t been talking to him, or sleeping in the same bed.

Tommy was watching T.V with Cameron when Sierra woke up.

“Where’s Danny?”

Cameron looked up and smiled. “E’s outside. Are you cold?”

Sierra laughed and grabbed a jacket from the couch wrapping herself in it and realizing it was Danny’s. She opened the door and walked out into the chilly morning air. It was around six am because the sun was just coming up. She walked around to the back of the bus and Danny was leaning against the bus with a cigarette in his hand.

“Hey… Wha’ are you doin’?”

He looked up at her and threw his cigarette on the ground.

“Thinkin’.”

“Wha’ abou’?”

He looked down and sighed.

“Doin’ the right thing even though I don’ want to.”

“An’ what would tha’ be?”

“Leaving Madison…”

“Danny…” She leaned against the bus next to him and sighed.

“You don’ ‘ave to. I’m pretty sure tha’ you love ‘er.”

“No I don’t. I jus’ like her boobs.”

“That’s a lie. You two aren’t married and your doin’ better than Ben an’ I…. Been together longer too.”

“She isn’ talking to me anyway. She’s mad at me for something that I didn’ even know.”

“Well. Tha’s her problem…” Sierra looked down. “You miss Jess don’ you?”

“You an’ everyone else knows the answer to tha’. You not stupid. It jus’ sucks because I’m afraid I’ll be jus’ like him but now I have to be a dad. I don’ have a choice. Well I do but if I do the wrong thing I will be jus’ like him.”

“Danny. Please. You were smiling the whole time he was here. You already love him and you jus’ met him. You took him everywhere with you. You took him on stage with you. Your doing great in one day just imagine the next fifteen years. You’re going to be fine.”

“I’m stuck aren’t I?” He laughed.

“Yeah you are. The most you can do is just be there for him, don’t ever leave him, and don’t ever leave. He needs you. Just… Just be there Danny. Promise me.”

He looked over at her and noticed that she was about to cry.

“It’s not easy Danny. Nobody told you that it would be but you won’t have to do it alone.” She was crying now.

“You miss him. You miss him even though he was bad to you. Why is that?”

She sighed.

“There isn’t anything like first love.” She whipped a tear away. “But then you try to move on, they want to be happy for you but their so miserable. You know… I really regret…” She sighed. “I regret it. We shouldn’t have gotten married. If we didn’t get married he would atleast still be here. You know he thought he was a terrible father? I just want there to be a way for me to tell him that he wasn’t. He was great. It was like he was superman when he was around. That smile. They would just laugh for hours over stupid things.” She closed her eyes letting tears fall. “Tommy loved him so much.” She took in a big breath and Danny hugged her.

“I know. I was there a lot too you know? I didn’t like him but I won’ say tha’ he was a terrible father…”

“I kind of miss fighting with him.”

“You do? Seriously? You guys would go at it for real. Fists and all. An’ you miss tha’?”

“Yes… I really do. I just miss him being here. I just miss him.”

XXX

Sierra had been using again, she did leave with Andy again but she came back a few days before warped tour ended. Since they had been home she had been using multiple drugs, behind their backs and in front of their faces. Everyone knew what was going on when she was with Matt; every day was the same but today would be different.

August 14th 2011.

Sierra was in the kitchen her breath was heavy and her body was hot, She was in a loose fitting tank top and pair of panties. Tommy and Ben were asleep in Sierra and Ben’s bedroom. Danny was asleep in his room and Madison had left weeks ago. Sierra had made a few lines for herself and had already taken a few pills. She leaned over the counter and took in one line. He heart sped up and her head rushed. She reached across the counter grabbing the tin that held several kitchen utensils. But she fell, knocking down the tin, the coffee maker, and the can opener. She fell to the ground and saw blood falling onto the floor. She took a deep breath and tried to get up but couldn’t stand. Soon Danny was in the kitchen with her watching her fall over herself. She looked up at him and tried to speak but she couldn’t. She reached up for him but couldn’t move. He didn’t know what to do. Ben ran into the kitchen with Tommy behind him.

“I said in your room now!”

Danny looked at him and Ben was surprised to see tears streaming down his face. He looked at the counter saw the two lines that were still there. Blood on the counter. Tommy hid behind him but he didn’t care. Danny looked back at Sierra and saw the blood in her hair, she had hit her head, and the coffee maker was shattered around her hand with blood splattered about.

“Why the fuck are you doin’ this to us?!”

Sierra looked up at him and started to smile.

“You think it’s fuckin’ funny?! You’re goin’ to kill yourself!”

She started to laugh and cough. She was fighting for every breath. Tommy was watching her shake on the floor with no expression.

“Do you wan’ to leave him without a mother too?” She nodded.

“You wan’ to die like this?! Really! What the fuck has our life taught you?! You want to leave me leave Tommy, Ben. Leave everyone?! ”

She nodded again with a smile. Danny kicked her in the side and she cried out as loud as she could.

“Did it fucking hurt?”

She didn’t answer but laughed again.

“You’re fucking worthless.”

“Danny stop! She’s overdosing! You’re going to kill her we need to take her to the ER now.”

“You want to call them?”

“No… You do it. I’m done trying.”

XXX

August 18th, 2011.

Sierra woke up, in the hospital… Again. She looked over to her left and Saw Danny asleep in a chair holding Tommy. Tommy was awake and started to shake Danny.

“She’s awake! She’s awake!”

Danny opened his eyes and looked over at her, this time he didn’t smile. He moved Tommy and walked into the hallway.

“Mummy?” Tommy tugged on her gown and she looked at him, smiling.”

“Does tha’ thing in yeh nose ‘urt?” She shook her head.

“I love you… Are you goin’ to be okay mummy?”

“Y…yes. I’ll be f-fine. Baby boy.” He voice was very hoarse and raspy.

Danny came back into the room followed by a nurse. The nurse asked a few questions about how Sierra was feeling and if she wanted to go home. They helped her get into a wheel chair and took her to leave, Danny had to sign her out, and he pushed her out to the parking area with Tommy following.

“I ‘ave a head ache.”

“I’ll ge’ you something when we get ‘ome. Hayden and Jess are staying with us.”

“Why?”

“To make the house feel balanced I guess.”

“Where’s Ben?”

“I was really hoping you wouldn’t ask me tha’.”

She looked down. Confused.

Danny helped her into the car and they got ready to leave.

“Where is he?”

Danny started the car and looked out the window.

“He went back to London… Sierra he filed divorce two days ago.”

Her heart fell and she thought she would vomit, scratch that. She opened the door and puked onto the pavement. Danny reached over to keep her from falling out of the car. Then he got out of the car and ran over to her side. He stepped around her mess and lifted her out of the car, walking over to the bush decorated road side. He set her on her feet and held her hair back as she let everything from the past few days out.

Tommy sat in the back of the car watching. He rolled his window down and peaked out.

“Is she okay?”

Danny looked back at Tommy.

“Yeah… I mean no. But yes she’s not sick… Well no she’s not okay.”

“Do we ‘ave to go back?”

“No… We’re going ‘ome jus’ hold on.”

She heaved her body forward almost falling over and cried out loud. Danny held onto her and let her cry. He sighed hated what was happening to his family with every inch of his body.

“I tried… I tried to make ‘m stay, I tried to talk him ou’ of it… ‘M sorry.”