Say It Again

Ellie attempted to discern the top of her bed curtains; but the darkness was impenetrable. All around her, Ellie’s dormmate’s even breathing conveyed the blissful sleep that had eluded her all night. Turning on her side, Ellie puffed out an agitated sigh.

Shutting her eyes once more, Ellie’s mind immediately conjured an emerald ring. She frowned, her eyes still closed, trying to force the image to turn from a blurry outline to a concrete representation of the ring. What had Draco done with it? He hadn’t been wearing it on the train or at dinner. Had he thrown it out? Disposed of it by magical means?

Ellie’s thoughts might have traveled farther down this painful path had it not been for a very loud, a very intentional cough coming from the bed beside hers. She froze, hoping to trick the other into thinking she really had been sleeping all this time. The rouse failed.

“Ellie,” an exasperated voice called out to her in the darkness. “I know you’re awake.”

Ellie sighed in defeat, opening her eyes and tugging her bed curtains open a few inches. Fiery red hair loomed down upon her. “Scoot over.”

Ellie sat up, shifting over to provide room for Ginny. After waving her wand to block their conversation from the other inhabitants of the dorm, Ginny turned to Ellie. “We need to talk.” Her tone was flat, not revealing her anger, though Ellie knew it must have simmered just below the surface.

Ellie remained silent as she had so far through the conversation. After a few minutes of heavy silence, Ginny began again, “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming back?”

This question broke Ellie’s reserve. “I tried not to return, Ginny, you have to believe me. I begged Madame Maxime to allow me to remain at Beauxbatons, but she wouldn’t let me. I’m so sorry, Ginny. I know I have no right to be here,” she said miserably. Shame caused her cheeks to glow pink in the night.

“Are you serious?” Ginny demanded, her anger finally beginning to show through.

“Que? Of course I am.”

“You tried not to come back?” Ginny repeated, her words suffused with outrage though Ellie couldn’t fathom why. “You tried to abandon Luna, Neville, Sophi, everyone? Me included? I thought you cared about us! I thought you cared about the war. But, clearly, I was mistaken.” Her eyes burned indignantly.

Ellie’s blue eyes flashed. “I do care! Mon dieu, I care too much. I almost died, Ginny. And my family – they are – are . . .” but words failed her.

“Then why would you try to run away? Had enough of fighting, did you? Thought you would chum up with the other side?” Her accusation was blatant.

“Non!” Ellie burst out, infuriated.

“Then why?” Ginny pressured.

“Parce-que I hate myself! I hate what I allowed to happen! It was my fault. I should have stopped – stopped him!” She was practically yelling.

Ginny threw her arms about Ellie who instantly thrashed against the restraint, desperate to get away. But Ginny held on tight, fighting to prevent her friend from shattering emotionally. “There was nothing you could have done,” she said calmly, all traces of anger erased from her voice.

“You’re wrong!” Ellie said frantically, desperate that someone know the truth. So for the first time, Ellie confessed the entire sorted affair.

Ginny listened without comment, her hold on Ellie never slackening, her eyes never wavering from Ellie’s strained features. And once Ellie had finished her tale, her heart in her hands pleading for forgiveness and understanding, Ginny gave it without hesitation.

“You couldn’t have known what he would do,” she whispered.

“But I did! Some part of me knew, mais I ignored it –“

“Because you loved him,” Ginny interrupted, quick to sooth her friend’s darkest worries. “Ellie, you are not the first person to fall in love with a pariah and I dare say you won’t be the last either.”

But Ellie rallied instantly, intent on not letting herself off as easily as her friend had. “What about Bill? Because of my stupidity, because I didn’t tell anyone –“

“Please don’t try to take credit for matters that are purely out of your hands. What happened that night was Draco’s choice and not yours. There was nothing you could do, no way you could have influenced the situation. And let us not forget that out of the entire scuffle, you were the one to come closest to death.” Ginny finally released her.

Subconsciously, Ellie delicately traced her left eyebrow. A slim cut sliced diagonally through the end of her blonde eyebrow. It was the sole reminder of the worst night of her life. She had been unconscious for the better part of two days before waking up in the Hospital Wing calling out for a boy who had never loved her.

“But,” Ellie began quietly, focusing on her lap, her shoulders drooping under the weight of it all, “I’ve made so many mistakes. I thought you would surely hate me.”

Ginny shook her head vehemently back and forth. “I don’t hate you. I’m not even mad at you. I just want your word that this year you will stand by my side. The war isn’t just out there,” she motioned toward the castle window that looked down at the grounds. “It’s in here now too. We’ve got to create a united front, Ellie, let the Death Eaters know they can infiltrate us, but they cannot control us.”

Lifting her face to Ginny’s, Ellie nodded solemnly. “I will stand with you.”

“Not with me,” Ginny grinned, “with us.”

“Us?” Ellie echoed back.

“Dumbledore’s Army.” And as Ginny told the tale of how the group had come into existence two years prior, Ellie’s heart began to rise. For the first time in four months, Ellie had something to believe in.