Remembering the Ghost of You

"Some say Rebecca knew. From the look he gave her she felt a feeling of permanent goodbye. She knew he wasn’t coming back."

April 9th, 1944

I’ll never know why he did it today. It was my birthday damn it! It was Rebecca, my neighbor, who told me where Mikey had gone. I was coming home from training and she was in her garden.
“Mikey went to the recruitment office,” she said to me and all my insides turned ice cold. He was just a child! He wasn’t even eighteen yet. I had no idea how our mother was going to react. Our father had been gone for almost two years, I was due to leave the eighteenth and now Mikey had gone and signed up for the army. He was too young.
“Why?” I asked her and she shrugged. She tucked a stray hair behind her ear and came over to the white picket fence dividing our yards.
“He left with that friend of his, Frank. I asked where and they said to kill Nazi’s,” she told me and I gripped the fence. Anger was building inside of me. War was no place for children. “But happy birthday Gerard. I’ve got a pie baking for you.” I forced a smile and thanked her before entering my house.
The picture of me and Mikey as children stared down at me and I felt sick to my stomach. “Oh Gerard you’re early!” my mother called coming from the kitchen. Each day she looked older. I didn’t know what she was going to do with us both gone? I hugged her and kissed her cheek hello.
“I’m going to shower.”
“That’s fine sweetheart. Will Raymond and Robert be joining us for dinner?”
“Ray and Bob, mother, and yes they will be,” I said and she smiled happily. Both guys were in my company. Ray was a trained medic from Virginia and Bob came all the way from Chicago with a group of others.
“Rebecca and her little sister Samantha are going to come by as well and Michael might bring his friend.”
“Okay,” I said taking the steps two at a time. I didn’t want to think about what Mikey had done. I didn’t know how he was going to tell her.

I took twice as long in the shower and could hear people downstairs when I left my room after changing. Bob and Ray stood in the living room engaging Rebecca and her sister in conversation. They looked very professional in their uniforms. I hadn’t bothered to put mine back on.
“Why didn’t you tell us about the social?” Samantha asked as I entered the room. At six years Rebecca’s junior she was the spitting image of her sister. Sleek brown hair, rosy lips, pale skin and big chocolate eyes.
“I’d forgotten,” I answered. The base was holding a large social for men and women before we were transported to England.
“Ray said they need a singer. You must sing Gerard!” Rebecca said happily. “He used to sing in the church choir,” she then explained to the others.
“Sing with us!” Bob said and I knew there would be no way out of it. After much discussion of the social wine was brought out and the table set for dinner. My mother was starting to worry about Mikey not being back but no sooner had she expressed her worry did the back door swing open and him and his friend bound through the door.
“You’re a mess! Go wash up. Supper is ready,” she ordered. I couldn’t bring myself to look at him.
“We were just playing baseball ma,” he said sheepishly but went with his friend to wash up. I sat at the table gripping my fork tightly wondering how my birthday dinner was supposed to taste good when I had this weighing on my mind.
“Everyone this is Frankie,” Mikey said as they took their seats at the table. Everyone took a turn to introduce themselves and when I came to me I just offered a curt hello. He looked even younger than Mikey. Enough people were dying in this war; it didn’t need to start killing younger kids.
After dinner, while mother cut the pie, Samantha and Mikey did the dishes in the kitchen chatting about school. I knew she had always liked Mikey, but Mikey had his eyes on Rebecca and Rebecca was seeing a young man named Victor who had come to town with Bob’s company. He just needed to stay home and go to school and become a doctor or a teacher. Our dad was gone and I was about to be shipped off so there was no need for Mikey to run off as well. I’d already heard enough horror stories from veterans and wounded soldiers.
I shifted my attention to his friend Frankie. He looked even younger than Mikey and wasn’t very tall. He was asking Ray and Bob questions with enthusiasm. There was nothing interesting about training in my opinion. As much as I wanted to honor my country and fight, someone needed to look after my mother. I’ve seen enough women be told their husbands and children were gone. Mrs. Walker on the corner lost all three sons and her husband is missing. It’s just her and her three year old daughter. Across the street Mrs. Dane took care of her now blind husband and her son was killed just last week. Rebecca and Samantha’s father died almost a year ago. As it was our father was probably dead and I didn’t need my mother to receive a visit from the officers in the black cars in charge of letting the family know. I can still remember when we got the letter just before Christmas last year that our fathers’ company had been out of contact since August and all were listed MIA and presumed dead.
“Smile, it’s your birthday,” Rebecca said and squeezed my arm. I attempted a grin for her.
“Take care of my mother and Mikey if I don’t come back, okay Rebecca?” the words tumbled out of my mouth. A day didn’t go by when I didn’t think of death. As it was more men seemed to come back in body bags or not at all then alive. She nodded.
“I promise I will,” she said and I felt relieved she didn’t tell me that I shouldn’t talk like that. I knew the chances of coming home were slim. I was leaving one of the safest places in the world to go into the belly of the beast.

That night, after our mother was asleep I confronted my brother. “Did you sign up for the army?” I hissed as I turned the lamp on between our beds.
“What?” he asked and put his glasses on and rubbed sleep from his eyes. I wish I could sleep that easily. Instead I was now worrying about my brother joining the army.
“Did you go down to the recruitment office?” I asked trying to keep calm.
“I’m not discussing this with you,” he said and rolled over. Feury engulfed me and I resisted the urge to scream at him.
“How?” I managed to sputter.
“A guy in the senior class makes fake papers. A bunch of us got them and went to the office,” he said quietly. I clenched my fists in anger.
“Why would you do something so stupid?!”
“Stupid?” my brother asked rolling over. “Why should you be the only one to be the American hero? I want to serve my country!”
“It’s not as glorious as the teachers in school or the news casters make it out to be!” I shouted. “Have you talked to Ray’s brother? His legs were blown off! What about Mr. Dane? He’s blind! Not to mention all the people were know that are dead. Eleven people I went to school with are dead somewhere in Europe. You aren’t even old enough! What about mother?!”
“I can make my own decisions Gerard. You don’t get all the glory this time!” he snapped.
“What glory?!”
“You’ve heard ma. She’s been talking about you going off to war since your card was drawn in the draft!”
“I never asked to go though Mikey!”
“Well I’m going and that’s final!” he snapped back and shoved something at me. It was his paper requesting his, or Eric Bryce’s, departure from the base on May 7th, 1944. I crumpled the paper and threw it at his back.
“Have fun telling mother,” I muttered in anger and went down to the porch. I sat on the steps and lit a cigarette. Lately it had been my only relief from the stress these days brought. I exhaled the smoke and tried not to think about how much of an idiot Mikey was being. I knew everyone was feeding all the young ones tales of honor and glory. The school held monthly fundraisers to gather everything from scrap metal to homemade socks to send to the troops. I never thought they’d suck Mikey in. I had been hoping that maybe the war would be over by the time he turned eighteen. He couldn’t even have waited a few months until his birthday. He probably didn’t want to be the only one in his grade who didn’t sign up.
I stubbed the finished cigarette out and went back into the house. It was surprisingly warm for early April but the thought of Mikey risking his life sent shivers through me. I knocked lightly on my mothers’ door.
“What is it Gerard?” she asked sleepily.
“Nothing,” I said and climbed into bed with her. I hugged my mother tightly and longed for the old days where we weren’t surrounded by death and goodbyes. I fell asleep praying for Mikey and my safety in the coming months.