Remembering the Ghost of You

September 6th, 1944

Most of the US troops were headed for Germany, but I was left in a group that was to remain in Paris until November. Ray was gone though. They needed all the medics they could get and people like me were left with the dying soldiers and civilians. We seemed to be burying more and more people each day. The soldiers left were busy digging graves while itching to be heading off to Germany. We needed to hold Paris though.
Bob and Frank stood outside the church covered in dirt and smoking cigarettes when I was finally relieved of bandaging people. “If I have to dig one more damn hole without killing some Nazi’s first I’m going to go insane,” Bob said bitterly.
“I’ll trade you Esmerie,” I told him and lit my cigarette. When I wasn’t playing doctor I was babysitting Esmerie.
“You know you’ve grown to like her,” Frank said and I shrugged. She was kind of like a bright flower amongst all the destruction. Sometimes I’d find her and Frank playing on her pallet or outside. He was the only one she let near her besides me.
“Still, it’s like an extra burden,” I said even though I was only trying to make excuses. Sometimes I’d tell her stories or sing songs and in those moments I could forget the war we were in the middle of.
“Better then digging holes,” Bob grumbled. He flicked his cigarette away. “I’m going to see if there’s mail. Coming?”
“Nah I’m taking a nap,” Frank said and stretched. “These next two hours are my only break from grave digging today.”
“I’m going to check Esmerie,” I said. I doubted there’d be mail for me anyways.
“Suit yourselves,” Bob said and headed off. Frank stood with me while I finished my cigarette.
“You haven’t written to her have you?” he asked quietly and I shook my head. I’d tried to write to Rebecca but I couldn’t get the words onto paper. “You’ll feel better if you write to her,” he added and I shrugged.
“I just don’t know what to say. There’s so much I want to say and yet I can’t put it into words,” I told him.
“I get it I guess. She wants you there and you’re stuck here.”
“That’s really all it is, and I found out she’s still writing to Victor,” I said and Frank shook his head.
“She loves you though dumbass,” he laughed and lit another cigarette. “Stop making excuses and write to her. At least let her know that you’re still alive.”
“I guess,” I said.
“You don’t want to end up regretting not writing either,” he told me. “Who knows what shit will happen tomorrow,” he said.
“I know.” There was silence after that. I could hear voices off in the distance and the sky was bright blue today. I couldn’t believe it was already September.
“How are you holding up otherwise?” he asked and I shrugged. I had been doing my best to not think about that. “It’s going to be hard on all of us.”
“I know,” I whispered.
“He said that on his eighteenth birthday he was going to confess his love to Rebecca even though he knew she didn’t like him that way. Then, if we were home, we were going to spend the afternoon having sundaes at the corner store. If we were away he said we were going to sing and drink until we passed out. We had plans,” Frank told me. He wasn’t looking at me but I could hear the way his voice wavered and knew he was crying.
“We had plans too,” I said to him and laid a hand on his shoulder. “He promised to take my mother to see her sister in New York and then they were going to spend the day together. He should have been starting college now as an engineering student,” I cut off before adding and now he’s in the ground rotting away.
“It doesn’t seem real,” Frank said and I nodded even though he was turned away.
“I don’t know when it will,” I admitted. Sometimes I could even still hear Mikey’s laughter or voice in my head.
“It’s going to rain on the 10th,” he added.
“It already is,” I said as I bowed my head to wipe away the tears. It was always raining when the subject was Mikey.