Remembering the Ghost of You

December 16th , 1944

Brussels was basically a pile of charred rubble. We had only spent two nights there when all the medics were moved out to where the German’s kept trying to advance; the border.
I was spending yet another night in the basement of some building sterilizing bandages. The German’s were getting aggressive.
“I don’t like this,” Ray muttered. When we’d met again the Brussels he looked about 10 years older. He was worn out, hungry, covered in dirt and soot, and tense. Everyone in the army was starting to take on this appearance. I can’t remember the last time I spent days on end starving.
“It’s better then being out there,” I said. It was freezing cold and there was a light dusting of snow that covered the ice that blanketed everything.
“No I meant the fighting. It seems quiet,” he told me and I nodded. There was less gunfire then there had been two days ago.
“Maybe we finally push them farther back?” I suggested but we both knew that wasn’t the thing. We’d have been moved, well at least Ray would have, if crossed the border.
“Talk about something else,” he said as he emptied another steaming kettle of water into the wash basin.
“Like what?” I didn’t want to think about anything else other then these bandages and going to the front in the morning. I’d been there for awhile; living in a damn hole and trying to fix wounds that were beyond repair. My gun was traded for a medic helmet upon arriving here since there was a shortage. Perhaps it was because I had nothing to defend myself with.
I didn’t sleep a wink out there. Freezing in a pit in the ground that was constantly shaken by mortar blasts wasn’t exactly comfortable. I got to see people get blown up and dismembered by shrapnel. It was like Normandy all over again but I refused to think about those times. I couldn’t think about Mikey out here.
“Victor died last night,” he told me quietly.
“Like Victor who was with Rebecca?” I asked and he nodded. Everyone was dying. Out of the few soldiers I had come to know only my close friends were still alive. I gritted my teeth and sighed.
“She shouldn’t have to deal with that,” I told him sadly.
“I know, I heard about your mom and her sister from Frankie,” Ray admitted.
“I wish I was there for her,” I whispered. “She has no one there to comfort her.”
“She finds comfort in knowing that you’re still alive I’m sure of that,” Ray said and I shrugged. “Trust me. That’s all Jillian says when she writes to me. She tells me it helps her sleep at night knowing that I’m alive.”
“Your friend from your home?” I asked and he nodded.
“Yeah, her name is Jillian and she’s already expressed her love for me through the letters. The second I go home I will propose to her. I’m not giving her any reason to be afraid anymore. I will stay by her side and sleep with her wrapped safely in my arms. No more of times like this. The war has made me admit things to myself that I’d been too afraid of back home,” Ray explained and I nodded. I knew what he meant by that. I was pretty sure that if I hadn’t come here I wouldn’t have admitted to myself how much I truly did love Rebecca. I had always wanted her to be happy and hadn’t realized how much of a factor in that I was.
Our conversation ended there as the night air filled with the reckless and ear piercing sound of bombs exploding. Instinctively I grabbed my helmet and followed Ray up the stairs.
Planes, German planes, roared over head but most of the bombing was coming from the forest not far away. I watched Ray cross himself. Men were flooding out of the other buildings headed for the woods.
“Germans are trying to push us back,” a solider explained and I nodded. I could feel the earth shake as another wave of bombs exploded. Smoke poured from the trees but I was glad that people weren’t running from the woods. That was a good sign. Or they were all dead. Ray grabbed my shoulder and pointed to the woods. I nodded to him and hefted the supplies bag on my shoulder.
We had to walk cautiously the closer we got to the woods. The ice was thick here due to a creak and hidden under the snow. Men were slipping and sliding all over the place. My ears were ringing and I could only make out vague shouts ordering us into the foliage.
These woods were dense and the ground with littered with broken limbs and holes in the ground from past mortars. It was dark and the smoke was thick. Sometimes there’d be a flash from a bomb, but I kept my focus on Ray’s back as we entered deeper into the trees. The smoke thickened and gunfire began mixing with pained wails as we entered the “camp”. The snow here was black and red, but most of the gunfire and bombs were no longer in this immediate area.
I slid into the first hole of bloody soldiers I came across and assessed the damage. Two of the three were dead and the third was missing half his head. He’d die soon. I threw up before hefting myself out of the hole and crawled across the violently shaking ground to another hole. The second hole was filled with dead bodies, but the third had two alive. One guy was trying to work on another who screamed. From the look of his face and coat I knew he’d been burned. My ears were still ringing and my lungs felt constricted as I worked to unscrew the top of the ointment for the burn cream. My fingers were numb and it was dark. I got it open and handed it to the other solider. He dipped frostbitten fingers into it and began coating his friends face as quickly as he could.
I was scurrying across the bloody snow as fast as I could. The gunfire and blasts seemed to be getting farther away, but the ear piercing ring in my ears was still there. I was now working on bandaging a leg that was broken on a guy who wasn’t in a hole. I waved soldiers over to me and motioned for them to take him back to get more help.
“We are needed farther north! Everyone regroup at the village” a commander yelled out. His voice was muffled and barely a whispered under the ringing. Soldiers began falling back, emerging from holes and from behind fallen trees. I shivered and started trudging through the snow. I was freezing, it was hard to breath, my eyes were stinging, and I was soaked from snow and blood.
Commanders or whoever was in charge ordered me to the supplies storage instead of to the makeshift hospital. I knew this meant that there weren’t many survivors. I ran down the stairs into the slightly warmer basement and started packing what we had left. It was nowhere near enough for anything.
“Nazi’s are trying to force us back,” Ray called as he entered the basement. In the frenzy I’d almost forgotten to think about where he was. He was equally as damp as I was and covered in just as much blood.
“Of course they are,” I muttered. This was probably their attempt to get Belgium back. I’d heard that people were confused as to why German’s didn’t seem to be making much effort at the border. Now it made sense. They were preparing.
“We should be able to force them back,” Ray said and I sighed. That’s what they all said. “The Russians are closing in on the other side,” Ray added as we headed up the stairs. Troops were already heading out and we were told to join the group leaving now. All the medics were being sent out. Everyone here was dead then. I resisted the urge to throw up again as I fell into line next to Ray and a bandaged shivering soldier. I hoped Brussels was holding up alright. I’m sure that’d where the planes were headed. I didn’t want to think about the chaos Frank and Bob might be enduring back there.
I shook the thought from my mind and concentrated on keeping up with the other freezing soldiers. If the Nazi’s didn’t kill us soon this cold weather sure would.