Remembering the Ghost of You

April 11th, 1945

Buchenwald was like Mittelbau except bigger. We arrived in the afternoon, half our troops were sent to help out here, and there were already soldiers here as well as Red Cross nurses. When I’d been chosen to be one of the soldiers to head out and help at Buchenwald I had refused to leave Greta behind. I carried her the entire way here, but it’s not like that took too much effort. She drifted in and out of sleep and we spoke a few times. She told me that if any of her family was alive they’d be here. She didn’t expect to find anyone though.
Now I had set her on the ground with a blanket and Fighter while I went off to help out. Frank had insisted on coming with us even though they tried to get him to stay at Mittelbau. He’d told me that he needed to be near me or Ray or he’d go insane. It made sense. If I had no friends near me I’d break down in an instant.

“Gerard!” Frank called as I was going around giving out blankets and extra clothes. The second I heard my name I thought it was something regarding Greta but he didn’t look upset so I relaxed.
“What?” I asked.
“The sister. I saw the sister here,” he said and I gave him a confused look.
“What?”
“You know … I can’t think of her name but it’s Rebecca’s sister. She’s working over on the other side. I saw her with some other nurses,” he said and I barely let him finish before I was shoving my stuff into his hands and taking off.
“Excuse me, but is Samantha Gartner here?” I asked the first Red Cross nurse I could find.
“Yeah she should be around here somewhere,” the lady said and I began to desperately search for her. Moments later I spotted her handing out bowls and cups of warm soup to survivors. She didn’t look any different even in her white uniform and heavy coat.
“Samantha!” I called out to her and when she looked up she dropped what she’d been holding and a hand flew to her mouth. She ran to me and wrapped her arms tightly around me.
“Is it really you Gee?” she sobbed into my coat. I hugged her tightly.
“Yeah it’s me,” I said quietly.
“I just got word of Bob and I can’t believe it. When I heard of Mikey … I just hate it all. Innocent people taken from us, but god I’m so happy to see you,” she cried. I stood there stroking her hair. “Rebecca would be so jealous,” she laughed as she continued to hug me. She finally broke away and wiped her eyes. Her hands then went to my face and she smiled sadly. “You look so much older and worn out,” she commented and I nodded.
“There’s no time to be young out here,” I told her.
“I know. I haven’t seen fighting, but I see this every day and I find it worse,” she said gesturing to the skeletons that sat huddled on the ground.
“It’s hard,” I said and she nodded.
“Rebecca loves you. You know that right?” she asked and I sighed.
“I do.”
“Do you love her?” she asked with a smile. She knew.
“I do,” I told her and her smile widened.
“She can’t wait until you get home,” she told me and I nodded.
“I can’t either. I’ve been waiting since the moment I left.”
“Happy late birthday too Gerard.”
“Thanks. It was great to see you, but we should get back to work,” I told her and she nodded. “And if you ever fell like you’re getting overwhelmed, well I know you love dogs so look for a black puppy near a little girl. His name is Fighter and Frankie took him in,” I told her and her eyes lit up.
“It’s been so long since I’ve seen a dog!” she exclaimed and I smiled.
“Later Samantha.”
“See you around Gerard!” she said and hurried back over to the other nurses who were watching us.

I wandered back to where I’d left Greta. When I got to her I saw that she was looking at Esmerie’s drawings. “Why do you have that?” I asked. It had been in my bag.
“I am sorry. Fighter knocked it over and your stuff spilled!” she exclaimed and I sat next to her.
“No, no it’s alright. I was just wondering,” I said and she unfolded the rest of the drawings I had from Esmerie.
“Who is it?” she asked pointing to the stick figure Esmerie had labeled “me”.
“In Paris I found a little girl named Esmerie. She drew these,” I said and she nodded.
“I always wanted a sister,” she said quietly and folded the papers back up and handed them to me. “Do you have a sister?” she asked me. I shook my head.
“I have a friend who is like a sister though. She’s working here and you might see her. Her name is Samantha,” I explained and she nodded. I watched as Fighter laid his head in her lap and she scratched his ears. “I did have a brother though,” I added and she turned her gray sunken eyes to me.
“He died?” she asked and I nodded. I pulled out the pictures from my pocket.
“My most recent one is back with Esmerie, but this is us with out friends when we were younger,” I said and she took the picture.
“A younger brother?”
“Yeah, Mikey,” I said sadly.
“How’d he die?” she asked.
“In the war … we were both soldiers,” I told her and she nodded.
“Who is she?” Greta asked pointing to Susan and Robert Jr. I had been the one to hold on to the picture.
“A few months ago I lost a friend and fellow soldier. That’s his wife and their baby. He never got to see his son,” I told her and she nodded. She handed the pictures back to me and I pulled her into my lap. “You’d like Esmerie. She can make anyone smile even in the darkest of times,” I told Greta.
“I don’t want to die here,” she whispered as she went into a fit of coughing. “Mutti and vati did, but I don’t want to,” she sobbed and I held her as tight as I dared. An idea was brewing in my mind, but I wasn’t sure how to go about it.
“No one would,” I said quietly and I was determined to make sure that when she passed away she was far away from these dark places.