Remembering the Ghost of You

July 9th, 1945

I pinched the bridge of my nose to try to keep the tears at bay. I had to finish filling out these forms now that Mrs. Dupont had gone through the trouble of translating them for me. Adoption involved too many papers although when I went to pick them up from one of the French officers he’d said I didn’t really need to bother. They’d give her to me without a second thought. I still wanted to go through the formalities though especially so that I could avoid trouble when arriving back in America.
I had gotten a letter from Rebecca earlier today and what it said was weighing heavily on my mind. My mother had slipped into a coma and doctors weren’t sure she’d wake up from it. I longed to be there with her. Even though my father and Mikey were gone I was still here. Rebecca said she seemed to have no life left in her. I didn’t want to cry over it though. I could only imagine her pain. I just wish I was there to comfort her.
“Is it October yet?” Ray asked as he stepped outside. I was sitting on a crate outside the hospital filling out these forms using a book as a table.
“If only,” I said and he sat next to me. Today was a scorcher. The sun beat down on the still broken city. It was quickly rebuilding though.
“Heard anything about the Japanese?” Ray asked and I shook my head. I was glad that neither he nor Frank wanted to go to Japan and help fight. The war here might be over, but it was still ongoing in the Pacific. I didn’t like to think about it.
“Nope. I just hope it ends soon though. The sooner the better actually. I’ve gotta get home,” I told him and he nodded.
“We all need to get home. Those the papers to take Esmerie with you?”
“Yeah, translated by Mrs. Dupont,” I said and held them up.
“What does Rebecca think about you adopting Esmerie?”
“She supports it’s one hundred percent. I think she’s excited … at least I hope she is. That’s what I’ve gotten from her letters. I don’t know what I’d do if she wasn’t. I could never decide between them.” I was suddenly starting to panic about this entire thing.
“Hey man I didn’t mean to worry you. Rebecca loves children,” Ray reassured. “I was just asking. We should be out of this shit hole. Once I get back home I’m never leaving again.”
“I hope there are no more wars after this. I don’t know how I’d ever be able to bring more children into this world knowing they could end up in my shoes.” I said to Ray. I hoped Esmerie never wanted to sign up either.
“We can only hope. What are you going to do when you get home? Like for the rest of your life?” he asked and I shrugged.
“Never thought about it. All I want is to be back with everyone and actual food,” I laughed.
“Amen to that. I want something deep fried and greasy and rich with flavor when I get home,” Ray said and I could feel my mouth start to water.
“Don’t talk about food,” I moaned and he laughed before lighting a cigarette. I ran a hand through my sweaty hair and tried to concentrate on the papers. It was hard though now that Ray got me thinking about food.
“At least you got Mrs. Dupont cooking food for you sometimes,” Ray pointed out and I shrugged.
“It’s a hell of a lot better then rations, but it’s still nothing like home,” I said and he shook his head.
“Frankie said when he’s getting back he’s making Samantha make him pie,” Ray told me.
“She gets to go back soon?”
“Red Cross has different rules I guess? I don’t know,” Ray said and I nodded. Watching Frank and Samantha made me smile. I was glad something was making him happy. For awhile there he seemed so lost.
“And you aren’t going to chicken out with the girl when you get home, right?” I teased and Ray grinned.
“I couldn’t wait. I just mailed a letter telling her I love her,” he said with his grin getting bigger.
“Congrats man!” I said and slapped him on the back.
“I figured I didn’t need to wait anymore. I’m definitely going home,” he said and I agreed. The worst of this war was over. We were safe and soon we were going home.

“Gerard?” Esmerie asked as she climbed onto the couch with me. I’d fallen asleep while working on the adoption papers.
“Hmm?” I asked and rubbed sleep from my eyes as she lay her sweaty body on my chest. It was even hotter in this house then it was outside and the windows were open.
“I miss Greta,” she whispered and I stroked her damp hair.
“I know,” I told her. I did the best to keep busy so that I wouldn’t think about her … or Bob or Mikey.
“Will I ever have another sister?” she asked and I chuckled. “What?” she said and stared at me with confused green eyes.
“If I marry Rebecca then we will all make a big family,” I told Esmerie.
“She’ll marry you,” she told me and I laughed again. “Will I have brothers too?”
“I don’t know. I can’t see the future,” I told her and rubbed her back.
“I’m sure you can find more kids who are boys,” Esmerie said and I chuckled again. I wasn’t surprised that she thought you just found kids to keep for your own. I wasn’t about to tell a four year old the truth about babies though. “When I’m older will I go to school?” she asked and I nodded.
“You will when you are five. It’s not that far away.”
“Greta said school was fun and that she got to learn a lot when she went, but then they didn’t let her go anymore. Will that happen to me too?” she asked and turned to look at me again.
“No it won’t ever happen to you,” I reassured her and she smiled.
“Will I be Jewish?” she asked and I laughed some more.
“No, no … you are Catholic like I am,” I told her.
“Oh,” she said. “So I won’t be Jewish?”
“Not unless you want to switch religion,” I told her and she nodded.
“Maybe sometimes I will for Greta,” Esmerie told me and I smiled and patted her head.
“You need sleep.”
“But it’s hot and my body is sticking together,” she told me.
“Try taking off your nightgown,” I said to her and helped her undo the buttons.
“It’s still hot,” I said and I smiled as she nestled against my chest. I kicked off my boots and adjusted into a more comfortable position. I learned up to kiss the top of her head. “Goodnight papa,” she murmured and curled up with her arms tightly around Verte and her hands clutching my tshirt. I think my heart became a gooey mess right there.
“Goodnight Esmerie,” I whispered back.