Remembering the Ghost of You

October 11th, 1945

The bus was pulling into the station when I realized I wasn't ready for this. Seeing home come into view had already made me teary, but I wasn't ready to get off the bus. The nightmare was over, but it was still very real and seeing people I left behind and the places he should be ... all those memories ... I didn't want to deal with it.
Esmerie was bouncing in her seat and it was her who dragged me to my feet as the bus came to a halt. I was one of three others getting off, so I quickly gathered my things. She hopped down the steps holding Verte and her pictures tightly and I hesitated. This was it.
I was finally home.
Rebecca stood across the street. The bus pulled away and I stared at her. She was wearing a dark blue and gray dress and her hair was pinned back like always. She clutched her red purse tightly and stood frozen. Esmerie looked at me, but I couldn't hear her. I was too fixated on Rebecca who was waving shyly and I returned the gesture. I felt like everything around me was going in slow motion.
"Welcome home," she said and I felt the tears start to burn my eyes. All I could do was open my arms to her. She stepped off the curb and ran to me.
Rebecca hit my chest and my arms locked around her. Tears ran over my cheeks as she sobbed into my chest rambling about everything. I tried to comfort her or say anything, but the words were caught in my throat.
"Finally," I managed to choke out.
"I saw Ray yesterday," she sobbed, "and he said you'd be back last night and then I don't even know and then you called and just hearing your voice and I can't I is it really you!?" she exclaimed looking up at me. I could only nod and she laughed wiping her eyes on the back of her hand. "I promised myslef I wouldn't cry like this," she laughed sadly trying to wipe away the tears. I hugged her tightly.
"It's okay Rebecca," I told her and she stroked the back of my neck.
"I'm terrified it's a dream and I'm going to wake up Gerard."
"All of this has felt too real for it to be a dream," I said. I spent months wishing it was a nightmare that I'd wake up from, but at the same time it felt too real and that's what almost broke me; knowing it wasn't just some horrible never ending nightmare. It was very real ... but it was finally over.
"And this must be Esmerie," she said pulling away and crouching down. Esmerie smiled shyly and held out a drawing. "For me?" Rebecca asked and she nodded. "Thank you it's wonderful," she said wiping her eyes looking back up to me. "Never thought you'd come back a father. Most soldiers come back in pieces, but not you." I smiled wiping my eyes.
"I didn't have a choice," I said and picked Esmerie up. "The second I pulled her out of the rubble it was unavoidable," I told her and Esmerie wiped my eyes with Verte's leg. I laughed and Rebecca stood and I pulled her into my arms. I'd be content standing here forever. I couldn't save everyone or even keep all my friends safe, but right here, right now, I felt like I'd be able to protect these two for forever.
And I would.
I know I can.
We walked back to my house. The tightness in my chest returning as I stared at the front porch thinking about how not too long ago Mikey and Frankie would be sitting there talking about school. Now it looked alien and like a washed out memory. It felt empty. No father, no Mikey, and my mother away at the hospital left the house for me.
Rebecca rubbed my back and I pulled her close. "It'll get easier," she whispered as I cried again. I nodded pulling the picture of me and Mikey from my pocket. "I promise," she added quietly turning her head into my side as she cried.
"I want to have a service for him," I finally said watching Esmerie hop up the stairs on the porch. "I want a proper grave and service for him here," I whispered.
"We will Gerard," she told me.
"Hey Gerard!" Esmerie called out and I looked up. She was standing on the steps smiling.
"What is it?" I asked wiping my eyes on my sleeve.
"Remember that Mikey and Bob and Greeta and your daddy are always with you," she said and I smiled.
"I am," I told her and she nodded.
"So don't cry. You will see them again." Rebecca laughed.
"You've taught her well," she said to me and I nodded. Rebecca smiled up at me and I ran my fingers over her cheek.
"This isn't part of the nightmare right?" I asked and she shook her head.
"Feels too real and too happy to be part of the nightmare," she said and I smiled before leaning down and kissing her. She wrapped her arms around my neck and I smiled as I kissed her.
It'd been a long time, but I was finally home.