Been to Hell

Emily’s Point Of View

Zane walked in slowly, head hanging. I could tell he was full of shame, that he was angry that this was happening. He kicked the door close and tightened his arms around the fuzzy blanket he was holding.

“I brought you a blanket, I seen you were cold last night and I thought you would need this.” He walked over slowly to me and then shook it out, allowing it to drop over my curled up body.

To be honest, after she left I had a mini panic attack. When Zane started walking though the door and seen me crying earlier, he didn’t attempt to calm me down- he knew it was no use. I sat in this room sulking all day, maybe just wanting to hear the results of the test. They still haven’t come in, maybe that’s why Zane was sulking as well. Or maybe he knew the truth and he was coming to tell me.

He tucked it close to me then laid down at my side. Steering clear of all the new cords that were sticking in my body. I cuddled against his side and almost wiped my tears on his shirt. His arm wrapped gently around me.

“I’m sorry, this is all my fault.” He whispered. I felt the need to cry more, thinking that he didn’t want to start a family with me. All I wanted to do was start a family with him. That was all I dreamed of doing, besides finally marrying him. I love this guy with all my heart, I wanted to have a life with him. “You aren’t healthy enough to be pregnant right now, if you get hurt because of me…well I can’t live with that anymore.”

“So you don’t want a family with me?” I muttered, feeling more depression wash over me.

“No no no, that’s not it. Of course I want a family with you.” He demanded. Looking down at me with horror filled eyes, terrified that I was misreading him. Which apparently I was. “I want to marry you and have children with you. But I thought we discussed this, I’ve told you that I don’t have the money and you don’t have the health. I can’t live with myself if I put you in that kind of danger. I can’t loose you because I have raging boy hormones. Please understand that we can’t have this right now, I’ve told her that if your life is in danger that she has permission to-”
“You told her to give me an abortion!?” I sobbed, sitting up in horror. I hate the idea of killing something so defenseless. Sure I can understand it if someone was raped, or way underage- sure I’m underage but not like twelve.

Zane face shown anger when I flipped. “Emily! You cannot bare a child if you are even healthy enough to jog through the woods!” He jumped out of the cot and just about knocked me off as well. But I didn’t feel any pain from moving, his anger set me off. I was just about as angry as he was. “I will not watch you put yourself though that just because you want to have my child!”

“I will not kill an innocent child just because you think I’m not fit to be pregnant!” I sobbed. I hate fighting with him, but I seen no other alternative. I cannot agree with this, this is the one time I have to stand for what I believe in.

“I do not think, Emily! I know! You are already sick enough! I can’t watch this! I won’t!” He screamed, stomping him feet like he was a little child. My heart broke when I thought the words, but I couldn’t stop myself from saying them.

“Then leave!” I could see his heart break, but I couldn’t find the words through my tears to stop him. He didn’t even say good-bye, he just let his own tears overflow and ran out of the room. That’s when I realized what I had just said, I’ve never cried so hard in my life.