Been to Hell

Zane’s Point Of View

My heart had broken inside my chest, and I could think clearly. I pushed my feet forward, forcing myself to do just as she asked- leave. I don’t care what she believes right now, I will not allow her to put herself through that. She’s sick and is already in enough danger, I cannot allow her to bear a child that will potentially kill her. Sure, if she made it though the nine months that would even out her odds, but the birth itself would pose such a hazard. I can’t bare knowing that it was my fault she was going through such pain. To me, I’d rather have her then an unborn child that I know I can’t support. Sure that sounds horrible on my part, but she’s the love of my life. How could I let this happen?

Again, my offense is not thinking straight. So when I felt a pain shot though my hand I knew I had done something stupid. Without walking out of hearing range of Emily, I punched the -very hard- cement wall. To me, it felt like my hand set on fire, and was burning. That alone gave me the fact that it was broken, the doctors here didn’t need to tell me that.

“Zane!” The nurse that took care of Emily cried, she ran up to me and looked worriedly into my eyes. Seeing my tears, and my sad expression. But I don’t think she really got the idea, maybe she thought I was still freaking out. Her soft cold hands grabbed my throbbing one, running her fingers gently over my knuckles. I hissed in pain and pulled away. “Now what good did that do you? The walls always wins, they are kind of hard.” She knocked her fingers against it, showing me the sound it made. It was almost like she was congratulating it for winning.

“I-…I-” I couldn’t think of anything to tell her, I just cried harder. So afraid that Emily was never going to take me back. Why’d I leave? Why would I ever do such a stupid thing, and put her in this situation? One night that I let go and sleep with her and this happens? Why did I ever do that to her? She is only seventeen, I should never has deflowered this poor girl. We should’ve waited, I should’ve made sure we were both ready for the it if this ever happened. But no, me and my stupid boy hormones messed everything up.

“You’re hands not broken.” She sighed, shaking her had a little bit. “Come on, we’ll go get the results of the test.”

She began walking down the hall, and I found myself following. Scared of what I might find on those papers. Sure I want to start a family with her, but right now is not the time.

“Why couldn’t we just do a pregnancy test?” I whispered, catching up to her side. She shook her head a bit, muttering something about civilians.

“We are in a hospital, why not just be double sure?” She informed, turning and walking through the doors into a little office. I stopped at the door frame. Eyeing that big manila envelope on her desk. She picked it up and tore the top open. There was only one paper inside, and it was filled with words. Horror filled me once more, were those words telling her what to do with Emily because she was having a baby? The nurse smiled a bit. “Miss Emily is not pregnant, she was just dehydrated. Plus she has a little sickness from being cold. I’ve never been so happy to see that someone is not pregnant.”

Dread filled my body, the biggest fight we’ve ever had was over nothing. I need to clear this up with her, I can’t let this just float up in the air. She’s going to be angry that I actually left. That’s when I felt sick to my stomach, I dove to the nearest bathroom and puked.

It wasn’t until that mourning when I got up the guts to walk into the hospital room. Emily was curled up in the corner of her cot, snuggling with her blanket and crying. The fact that she was still crying wounded me, I hate knowing that she was doing something like that because of the likes of me. She saw me the instant I began walking to her side, her eyes were full of sadness and terror. Maybe she thought I was someone else at first.

“Zane!?” She sobbed, pulling me down into the tightest hug she could provide. I didn’t blame her, I was almost hugging tight enough to cut off her air ways. “Oh Zane, I’m so sorry. Don’t leave, I didn’t mean it. I was just angry, please don’t leave.”

“Shh, I know you didn’t mean it.” I hummed, stroking her hair. Sure I had lied, I didn’t know she was just freaking out. I thought she really wanted me gone, actually I even anticipated leaving just to make her happy. But in the end I took a chance, knowing that she was something I could risk loosing. “Did she tell you?”

“Ya, I didn’t think it was worth fighting about after I found out I wasn’t going to have a baby. I’m so sorry, I just could bare loosing something like that. Its my fault, I should’ve listened to you.” It just felt nice to know that she still loved me, in fact I’m not sure if I would made her get rid of it-if it was something she wanted. All I want if for her to be happy.