भेस में चमत्कार

Long after she had left, along with most everybody else I still sat at the piano, trying to let my emotions out of me somehow. Shaking thoughts out of my head of how she used to sit beside me, watching intently with those big blue eyes. I wondered if I looked into them now would I still see the same innocence? I used to love her eyes because they would change. You could see the sadness in her eyes, but at other times you could see laughter. Her eyes would tell a story, they seemed to dance with excitement. Two blue pools that seemed to be connected directly to her soul. Christ I need to stop thinking about her! I thought as I switched keys and looked up. My older brother, Mark was walking towards me Great I thought as i looked back at the keys pretending not to see him.
"Matt, got a sec?" I looked up at him and shrugged. "I think ya do" he said turning and sitting in the first pew. I reluctantly join him. "Rough night?" I wonder why I suddenly feel as if I am going to cry. I drop my head into my hands, avoiding eye contact. "It's not what you think Matt...It's not her fault."
"What are you talking about Mark?! Why can't anyone just tell me straight up? Why didn't you tell me at all"
"Fine, straight up. She was raped Matthew, while she was in India." My jaw dropped. I am the biggest asshole ever! I felt as if I had just taken a low blow,and all I could do is crawl away. "I just assumed she would have told you I mean...Sorry kid"
"No....No I had no idea" thoughts ran through my head, emotions trying to take over. I promised I would always protect her, this is all my fault. I should have told her not to go, I should have went with her. I told her I would always be there for her, i should have been there when she got off that plane, I should have written her, I should have been holding her hand when she found out she was pregnant. Then my thoughts jumped to tonight, why had I said that stuff! Even if it was "her fault" I should have been supportive! The room starts to spin and I want to puke from pure disgust of myself.
"Come on big guy let me get you home." Mark says laying a hand on my back "You've had a llooonng night."
"No thanks" I say slowly standing, "I need to run this one off" I say heading towards the office to get my spare running clothes.
"Kid it's after 10, you got a lot on your mind just..."
"Mark! I need to think!" I say slamming the office door. And leaning against the other side, letting out a long sigh and tears that I have been holding back since I first heard the words "morning sickness". Maybe even tears I have been holding back for years.
The tears don't stop my whole run home and when I reach for the doorknob of my house I knw that I can't face what is inside just yet. I run back down the steps and back down my street. I race for the park, one of the few places we hung out outside of church. I sit on home plate and look out onto the field. I remember playing with her here. I look to my left, I remember playing volleyball with her there. And to my right, I sat on those bleachers and serenaded her, as she watched intently with those eyes. I close my own eyes playing back tonight, her eyes had given me warning tonight. They had pleaded with me to listen but then they lost hope. How could I make this right again? By the time I walked into my house, greeted by anxious parents with many questions I knew. I knew I would go to her, and beg for forgiveness. I knew it would not be easy, but I knew that I could not live with myself if I didn't.