Damn the Day I Met You

“I didn’t know.” Tristan blurts out, facing forward, away from me.

“You didn’t know?” I asked, wanting him to clarify. That was the vaguest sentence he could have said at the moment.

“At the time. I-I didn’t know exactly what I was doing. I didn’t know who you were. I didn’t know how terrible of a person my mother really was. I mean, I knew what she did to us and I knew some of the reasons for her being in jail. But I didn’t fully know.”

I put my hand on top of his and he finally looks up at me. “Tristan, I don’t blame you. It’s not like you were the one directly trying to harm me.” His eyes widen and I pull back a bit. “You didn’t directly try to harm me, did you?”

“No. God no. I wouldn’t have done that to anyone, whether I knew them or not. I was just, usually, the one driving the getaway car. I just didn’t know it was the getaway car.” I let out the breath I was holding and relax a bit.

I lean forward on my elbows and place my legs on top of Tristan’s to get comfortable. “So, what exactly does, ‘a lot longer than you think,’ mean?”

He looks at me confused. “That’s what you want to talk about?” Instead of answering I just nod, waiting for his answer to my own question. “I had just turned four when the wedding was supposed to happen. And you were six. I don’t know how much you remember about it, and honestly I don’t remember a lot. But I always remembered having an amazing time with this gorgeous girl, and she had just as quickly disappeared. I didn’t really think about it all that much. At the time, and the few years to follow, I hadn’t the slightest idea of what had gone on that day.” He reaches for his wallet and pulls something out, “but then one day I was in the attic, just hanging out up there. I was going through boxes and came across wedding photos. Photos that included my mother, Adam, you. I only recognized my family members, but once I saw this picture some things came a bit clearer. I was at least able to put a face to the girl I could remember.”

He handed over a wallet sized photo that was bent and crinkled. But the picture was clear as daylight. Tristan was standing there, his little four-year-old self in a suit, balancing the pillow for the rings on top of his head. I was right next to him, the flower girl, with the biggest smile on my face. We were holding hands, probably practicing for the actually walking down the aisle part. “You’ve kept this?”

“It’s been with me every day since I found it.”

“And the adoption…did you know about it?

“My parents told me in their own way that I wasn’t going to be living with them any longer. Though it came as no surprise when that didn’t happen. And as your father says, Lucy is honestly the best thing that’s happened to us.”

I smile and lean back in my chair, “can’t argue with that. So that man in there that was your father?”

He nervously scratches the back of his neck, “uh, yeah. Sorry about that. You’re not any of those things.”

“Of course you say that, I’m your girlfriend. And to be honest, the attention has been on you and me for the past few weeks.”

“That is true.” Tristan agrees, smiling for the first time since we started the conversation, “My dad—he just likes to come into our lives when he sees it to be necessary. Also known as when he needs money.”

“I’m sorry.”

Again, Tristan smiles, this time shaking his head. “Katie, you are the last person in this house that should be apologizing right now.”

“Fine. So all of this, it’s why Zach didn’t want me near you?”

“More or less. I’m sure Ana told him some stuff about me too. But Zach knew the whole story, therefore knew what part I played in it.”

“And my dad, this is why he dislikes you?”

Tristan looks around the room as if my dad is just going to magically reappear. “Yes. Partially. Like your mom said, at the time he wanted to press charges. But I think it’s something else too. I think he might just regret past decisions when he looks at me. I mean, I am a big and live part of his past; I’m pretty much a representation of every moment of his adult life that he was regretted. A constant reminder of when he screwed up. I think he also regrets not being there for me. There were multiple times during my life that he thought I was his son. That thought doesn’t magically go away overnight just because a medical test says differently.”

“Why does Ana think my mom was my dad’s mistress?”

“You heard that story right? Well, imagine my mother telling the part about the Italy trip and wedding and everything. That’s what Ana’s father got, and that’s what Ana was told.”

“So a good portion of Italy probably thinks my dad married his mistress?”

“Yes, but not the part that matters.”

I lean back in my chair trying to think about everything that was now pieced together like a perfect puzzle. Well, almost perfect. “So what happens next?”

“Well, I would say that we spend the rest of the weekend here. You work things out with your parents, the media, whatever you need to do. Then, we head home, Peter can stay if you like, that’s up to you. We all go back to school, finish up the year like normal.” He pauses and leans in so he’s only inches from me. “But I have two simple requests.”

“And what would those be?”

“At your going away party, I want to be a guest, not staff. And I’m going to need those dates for when I’m supposed to send my sister away.” With a smirk playing on his lips he moves up to whisper in my ear, “preferably as soon as possible.”

I notice that the only mention of me leaving is my party. Which makes me realize that I hadn’t even made a decision yet. I didn’t know if I was going to stay, leave, if I was leaving, when. I had been living for the moment, wanting to forget what the future held. But the future was quickly sneaking up on me and would force me to decide sooner or later.

Shaking those thoughts from my head, I turn my head to kiss Tristan. At first he didn’t respond, making me nervous but eventually he was kissing me back with even more passion. Finally needing air I pull back, resting my forehead on his. “I’m going to need to catch up on schoolwork.” Tristan nods, his lips brushing against my skin, making it extremely difficult to think. “So sending Lucy away, that’s going to have to wait.”

This makes Tristan fully pulls back, staring at me with shocked and hurt eyes. “You’re joking right?”

“School is over in a few weeks Tristan. It will be easier on both of us.”

“And then what? You just leave?”

I sigh, “That’s not what I said Tristan.”

“But it’s what you meant, right?”

“I don’t know what I’m doing once I’m done. You know that! Which is part of why I am extremely stressed right now and, though a weekend away with you sounds amazing, it just can’t happen right now. That’s too much to do, too much to fix, too much to figure out. But when I do figure everything out, you’ll be the first to know.”

“No.”

“What?!”

“No. I said no. I’m done with this bullshit.” He stands up and starts walking toward the door. I quickly chase after, grabbing onto his arm.

“What do you mean you’re done? Tristan, please.” I beg. I didn’t know what was going on but I certainly didn’t like it.

“Please what? I’m tired of this Katie. I’m tired of all of this drama, this past, dictating our relationship. You’re finally safe, at least for now. Why not use that freedom? Why not indulge in being able to walk outside without being afraid of getting killed? Why not spend time with your boyfriend?” He pulls his arm away and walks out the door. Luckily there was a ways to go before he reached the gate and soon after the paparazzi.

“I’m scared!” I scream after him. “Is that what you want to hear? What you want me to admit?!” Tristan stops and slowly turns to face me but doesn’t move from his spot.

“Scared of what?”

“You, me, us. Falling extremely hard, never leaving, and changing my life plans. That it will end horribly. That the same thing that happened to me will happen to my mother. “I list a few of the more plausible fears. “I don’t know what to do in a relationship like this” I admit to him from afar.

“Relationship like what?”

“Like this. Short term, expiration date.”

Tristan stays silent as he walks up to where I was standing on the steps. “What expiration date? Who the hell gave this relationship an expiration date?”

“Come on Tristan, you know what’s going to happen in about a month.”

“Yes. You’re moving back to New York to finish your degree and I’m staying here. And then we figure out what to do. In the meantime we continue this relationship because no one in their right mind breaks up just because someone is moving.” Tristan takes one step more, “I don’t know about what it’s like in the US, but around here a couple doesn’t tend to break up very soon after admitting their love for each other. Especially not for a stupid reason like distance.”

“It’s not stupid.”

“Isn’t it?” Tristan sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “I can’t stay around if you’re going to keep doing this back and forth deal. That’s not healthy for me and it’s especially not healthy for Lucy. I am going to lay it all out there for you. I love you Katie. I love you now and I want to love you for a long time if you let me. I want to marry you; I want to have brilliant children with you. But I can’t do that if you keep running away every time things get tough or scary.”

Tears were threatening to spill over at that, “Tristan…”

“No, let me finish.” He grabs my hands and looks straight into my eyes, “I want to know what scares you so that I can eliminate all your fears. I want to know what excites you so that I can bring joy into your world. I can’t do either if you’re not honest with me. And especially if you’re not around.”

“Fuck Tristan.” I say, shaking my head.

A look of panic crosses his face. “What? What did I do wrong?”

“You can’t go around acting like you’re Nicholas Sparks and say stuff like that.”

“And why not?”

“Because those lips should be on mine.”

Tristan chuckles and somehow manages to pull me closer. “Will you go out with me Katie? Just one time. If it’s a total bust we can break up.”

“Fine. But we won’t be breaking-up. Ever.”

“Never?”

I grin and press my lips passionately against his. “Never.”