Damn the Day I Met You

There was a knock on my door, pulling me away from my homework. “come in,” I call out, being too lazy to get out of bed and open the door. My grandmother would scold me for days if she knew I did this. I finish the page I was on and close the book before turning around to my visitor. Part of me was expecting Zach to be standing there ready to apologize, but I knew that was unlikely. It’d been two days since we last fought and the thought of him stopping by at this point was just plain crazy.

The person at the door was someone I expected even less than Zach. Ana stood there smiling and gave a small wave. “Hey, is this a bad time? I can come back later…”

“No, no, it’s fine. I need a study break anyways. What’s up?”

She takes a seat, closing the door behind her, “I need to apologize about something. Actually, a lot of things.”

“Ana, whatever it is, just forget about it. It’s not that big of a deal.”

“No, please, just-I need to get this out.” I shrug, motioning for her to continue, “I-well-uh-Zach cheated on you?” she stares at me like she expects me to say something. Was she telling me this or asking?

“with you?”

“uh, yeah. But it didn’t mean anything, I swear! He was at the bar last night and was already drunk when I showed up. He seemed pretty upset about something and we were just talking…and yeah. We just fooled around, nothing more.”

I stare at a black mark on my wall, “nothing more.” I repeat in a whisper.

“please don’t hate me, Katie. I even talked to him this morning and he said he had to think things over. I don’t know, but you should talk to him. Though he seemed kind of mad still, did you guys fight or something?”

“yeah, over you,” I answer, laughing dryly.

“Katie, please don’t feel jealous about me or anything. I really don’t want to come between you two. It’s so obvious that he loves you, I couldn’t break that apart.”

Another dry laugh escapes my lips, “it’s obvious that he loves you, Ana, and I know you know it. Don’t pretend like you don’t notice. I’m just going to break things off with him, make it easier for all of us.”

“no, Katie, please don’t. I’m just his best friend, nothing more. I beg you, don’t break up with him, don’t break his heart.”

“Ana, I’m glad you care, I really am. But it’s hurting me even more to still be with him. Do you even know why we’re not talking? Did he tell you?”

She took a seat on the bed across from me, shrugging, “something about you running off with Tristan after throwing his phone into the fountain.”

I sigh, trying to decide whether that’s how he actually saw it, or that’s just him wanting someone to feel bad. Either way I was going to tell Ana the truth. “We were at the park, just walking around, talking. It was the first time we’d been alone for a very, very long time and I wanted to make the best of it. Back home he loved these kind of activities. We’d take walks around campus all the time and he always enjoyed it. But this time, he didn’t. And when I asked what was wrong, he just said nothing. He wasn’t talking to me at all and even had the guts to say ‘we’re walking around a park, Katie, what’s exactly fun about it?’ In all honesty this probably wasn’t that big of a deal but it’s the first memory I have of being with both my parents, so that park means a lot to me. Anyways I just kind of mumbled that it was a stupid idea and tried not to cry. When I turned around he was texting you.” Ana looked shocked, as if she too were mad at him. “I took the phone and tossed it into the fountain. I was just fed up because this was supposed to be our time and instead he wanted to hang out with you. And that’s nothing against you Ana, you’re a great person. I just wanted some alone time with my boyfriend. Anyways, Tristan and his little sister came up to say hi and Lucy, his sister, wanted Zach and I to go get ice cream with them and well, Zach didn’t want to go. So he left and I guess this was when I ran off with Tristan.”

Ana looked at me, sympathy written all over her face. “I’m so sorry Katie, I had no idea. I just can’t imagine him treating you that way.”

“he loves someone, simple as that, and it’s obviously not me.”

“but-”

“I don’t care what he says Ana. And I don’t know why he’s still with me. I was considering breaking up with him long before you came along, so don’t feel like any of this is your fault. You and Zach deserve each other, and I mean that. I’m just getting in your way.”

“are you sure?” Ana asks, sounding nervous and happy at the same time.

“I’m positive.”

“But I’m not. You guys are so obviously meant for each other.”

I stare at her, “how so? Cause I really don’t see it.”

She takes a moment to think before responding, “it’s not in what you like and dislike, but just how you act together. He always talks about you and how you guys met and everything. You can tell he really loves you. I haven’t spent that much time with you so I couldn’t say on your end of it. But he does care.”

“what if I don’t care anymore? What if it’s me and not him?”

“Don’t let Tristan get between you and Zach. Tristan is a playboy, always has been. Follows after his father is what I heard. He can get any girl of any age to fall for him. A mother of two, a teenager, it doesn’t matter.”

I take in what she said. It sounded so honest, so personal. Had she been played by Tristan? “There’s absolutely nothing going on between Tristan and I and there never will be.” My voice came out a little harsher than I intended, making the statement sound more like I was defending myself. It was like I was telling myself that just as much as I was telling her that. Could I suddenly be developing feelings for Tristan?

“okay.” There was a short pause as we both took in what I just said.

“You know, my mom once told me that Italy was the worst place to find love and I kind of believe her now.” I say randomly, “so much drama has happened since I got here.”

“how could she say that?! Your parents met here!”

“yes, technically they did. But that was just a summer fling mostly. It’s a really long and complicated story. What matters is that they’re together now.”

“are they coming for Christmas? I’d love to meet them.”

“you don’t know?” I asked, surprised she hadn’t heard the news yet, it was all over campus and celebrity news channels.

“know what?” Ana asks, totally clueless.

I laugh and shake my head, “sorry, I keep forgetting how much you don’t care. I’m used to people knowing more about my life than I do. Anyways, next week is my grandmother’s birthday, so my family will be here for the party.”

“another party?” she asks, sounding just like Zach, not too excited.

It was my turn to shrug, “yeah, but not as formal as the others. Though dressing up is kind of a must.”

She sighs, “how do you afford all these dresses?” I look at her confused, “I mean, like, you must have tons of dresses that you just wear once. Isn’t that a waste?”

I smile, motioning for her to stand, “here, let me show you something.” She follows me to my closet and gasps when I open it, allowing a lot of dresses to breathe a little more. “Most of my dresses I donate to programs that give out the dresses for formal events for low-income women. Some of them though, I turn into a new dress. Most of these are dresses I’ve worn at least twice.”

“you’re a seamstress?”

“unofficially. I’ve always loved to sew and design stuff so I just do it for myself.” I pull her closer to the closet, “now, choose one or two or five. I really don’t care. You’re going to need something for the party though.”

Ana looks at me surprised, “oh no, I couldn’t take one of your dresses! These are much too nice.”

“you’re my friend. And in being my friend you’ll be attending a lot of parties. you’re taking it. “

“but won’t your parents know. Worse, Zach?”

“no, not at all.” I grab one that I wore back in high school but would fit Ana almost perfectly, “last time I wore this was in high school. Zach didn’t know me back then and I’ve worn so many dresses since then that no one will know. So now you have the dress and a date. You’re all set.”

“I need a boyfriend. I can’t rely on Toby all the time.”

“you keep wearing dresses like that and you’ll be getting Vincent Farrai to ask you out.” I joke, handing her another dress that was a bit more casual, “that would be for a brunch type event.”

“okay two dresses, I’m drawing the limit at that.”

I chuckle, “fine, fine. But at least let me give you shoes too.”

“nope! Besides, we’re different sizes and I can’t walk in heels.” I just roll my eyes and keep from arguing with her. There was a knock at my door and we look up to find Zach standing there.

“uh, I’m gonna hang these up before I trip or something and go study. I’ll talk to you later?”

“definitely.” She slips by Zach and he smiles down at her before turning his attention back to me.

I close my closet doors and lean against my wall, crossing my arms. I wasn’t about to start the conversation. He was obviously here for a reason and I decided to let him start out.

“you’re not going to make this easy, are you?” he asks. I raise my eyebrows, surprised he hadn’t learned his lesson yet. “Look, I’m sorry.”

“for?”

He sighs, “for not putting more effort into this relationship and getting jealous of you running off to hang out with Tristan.”

“I was actually hanging out with his sister.”

“Whatever. And I should also apologize for kissing Ana last night.”

“yeah, I heard about that.”

“Seriously it was a mistake. I was upset and drunk and you know how I am when I’m drunk, I do stupid things.”

I smile, remembering the first time I was around Zach when he was drunk. He took that moment of being drunk to ask me out. “Yeah, I do know. You do things that you don’t have the guts to do sober.”

“I-” He started but became speechless.

“it’s okay Zach. I’m not mad at you. Ana said it meant nothing and since she was sober, I’m trusting her on that.” I could see a look of pain flash across his face but it was quickly covered up with a smile as he came closer to me.

“I love you so much Katie.”

I smile, and lean in to kiss him, “I love you too.”

But I knew both of us were lying. His voice didn’t have that ‘love’ edge to it, didn’t have the passion. I couldn’t hear the love in his voice and I definitely couldn’t see it on his face or in his eyes. He sounded and looked like he was telling me he loved his sister. Nothing special.

And me? It was just obvious that my words didn’t have the same spark to them. They were dry and lifeless.

We were holding onto something that didn’t exist, but neither of us could let go.