Let's Drink for Memories We Shared

I awoke to the loud obnoxious buzzing of my vibrating phone. I looked at the screen to see a text from Brooks. I guess he had gotten a call from the hopsital since he was the one who emitted me and Katie there last night.

From: Brooks

Hey man, things aren't looking to bright for Katie. CRITICAL CONDITION. :(

I sighed sadly, and rushed getting dressed. It was gonna be another day of waiting in that room, waiting while stark uncertainties filled your mind and drove you to the edge of a break down. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I lost Katie because of this; it'd be on my consciousness constantly. I would end up being the reason Katie was dead, I was driving the car, I was speeding on that icy road, it would all end up pointing to me as the culprit for the crash.

I decided to text Brooks back, letting him know I need him for a ride.

To: Brooks

Dude, can you drive me to the ER. I wanna be there for her. Thanks man.

The waiting game had already begun. Once Brooks arrived it was another quiet car ride. We just sat there in silence, not awkward silence, just a dead unknown silence. We were both worrying over Katie's end results, but who ever entered critical condition didn't have an easy time coming out of it. I feared with all my being for Katie, but she was a beautiful strong person, she'd make it out okay. I was sure.

Once at the hospital, Brooks refused to leave me in such dire times. After long hours of nothing and few words of small talk the same doctor from yesterday approached us with a grim stoic look on her face. She quickly forced a small sad smile before approaching us. She sat down next to me and I looked up at her, and glance down at her clip board.

"Her rib cage is a mess, broken, fractured and shattered in many various locations. We thought that was the worst of it because none of them seemed to be dangerous, until this morning when he did a full body X-Ray, we noticed something." She paused and I held my breath, literally as I waited for her to finish.

"A fragment from her rib has punctured her lungs, and a piece of her sternum has gone through her heart. There isn't much we can go except for make this process a non painful one.She's drugged up on morphine," I wanted to see Katie. Nothing more than just seeing her smile one last time. I didn't want to believe what this lady was saying, if it was true, shouldn't she have died on the spot? Why did she have to suffer? No, rather, why did I have to suffer thinking there was hope I'd get her back, and to be able to hold her once more? I didn't know her condition was this bad.

"Is she awake?" Brooks asked, what I wanted to know. I wanted her to go reach the heavens knowing I will always be by her side; I never left her.

"Yes, she asked for you," The doctor's golden brown eyes met mine. "She's aware of her time left."

She stood up, fixing her white coat, and gestured for us to follow. Once more I was padding down this hall, rushing forward until I saw the door 402. Inside was Katie and her blonde curls sitting up propped up against the raised bed. She smiled softly at the sight of me, and opened her mouth to talk but nothing came out.

I was just as speechless, and Brooks behind me waved at her.

"Derek, is that really you? Or is just these drugs I'm on?" She wondered, reaching out towards me. I approached her, and sat in the chair besides her, taking her fragile hand in mine.

"Yeah it's really me, angel. How do you feel?" I felt the tears well up in my eyes. It was hard knowing that I only had a few more hours with this girl, a few more hours to see her face all smiling and just alive.

"Like everything's a dream." Katie yawned and smiled once more. The doctor and nurse was gone, so I brought myself to lie in the small bed with Katie. She snuggled up against me the best she could, and rested her heart on my chest. My heart was still beating, while her punctured one would stop soon. I held her in my arms, her small frame, and just wanted to keep us that way; together.

"Angel, I'm so sorry, it's all my fault you're like this. It's my fault I'm losing you." I couldn't keep back the choked up sob that began. I was guilty; I should have listened to her. Katie told me while clutching onto the edge of her seat for me to slow down and drive carefully. I didn't listen because I didn't expect anything to happen because people sped down that road all the time in worse conditions then it was.

"Derek, I don't care, don't kill yourself over it. I love you, no matter what. I'll always just be you're angel," She murmured the words softly against me. She was right though, when she's gone she'll always be my angel. I would never be able to forget her though, and I'd cry over this every day. It'd still going to haunt me regardless.

Katie fell asleep, and I knew it would be the last time she would ever open her eyes again. I didn't want to let her go; she was still living at this moment. Breathing.

I stayed with her until she left me. Her breathing stopped, and the monitor tracking her heart beat turned into a straight line. Katie was gone; forever. Losing someone was always hard, especially when you knew you were never going to see them again.

-*-

It has been a week since Katie passed away. I stood there by her open coffin just staring at her numbly. Her poor mother was sobbing nearby, and her father was trying to console her. Katie's sisters were distressed and a wreck, but not nearly as much of a train wreck as I was.

Everyone from the band was here as well, walking through the Century Rose Garden's, waiting to reach the spot where her body lies for now. After today her corpse will be left to rot under the ground.

I can't help but to miss her, it stung more than you'd ever imagine. My heart was in shattered broken pieces as if someone had taken a hammer to smash it, and then to break it even more, forcing it through the shredder. If my heart was in that condition with so many missing pieces, there was no one who'd be able to replace them. There will always be the void that Katie left. I've never felt so hurt that I went completely emotionless and numb in my life.

And the hardest part of living was just taking breaths to stay.