Tonight I'm Loving You

The sun shining in my face is what woke me up. My eyes were burning and I rubbed at them, wincing as the movement seemed to jar my brain. I looked around, my surroundings unfamiliar. I was in someone else's bedroom. An expensive looking one.

And everything that happened the night before came flooding into my head.

I looked over at the other side of the bed. Enrique was gone. I got up as quickly as the hangover would allow and tried to find my clothes. All the while, I cussed myself out, nearly screaming in frustration. I felt dirty and foolish. Overall, I felt used. Enrique had fucked with me once again and left.

I opened the door from the bedroom, fully dressed, and looked around. A large living room, open to a kitchen and dining room was spread out before me. Modern and chiche, across from me was a wall completely made of glass, giving a breathtaking view of Madrid.

Enrique was no where in sight.

He left no trace of anything. Not a note to say anything, not even "Thanks for the sex. Have a nice a day!"

I left the apartment and took the elevator down. When I practically threw myself outside, I took in deep gulps of air, resting against a lamp post as I tried to fight back tears. How could I be so stupid? I wiped my eyes forcibly and looked around. Where the hell was I?

The street sign at the corner put me in my bearings. Luckily, I'd lived in Madrid long enough to know the city enough to know how to get places. I was in the older part of the city and if I took a taxi, I thought I could get home. I had a little money still. Hopefully, enough to get me within walking distance of home.

My calculations were pretty accurate. I took the taxi until ten blocks from my apartment and walked the rest. During that time, I let the tears fall before I had to go home to my little girl.

I knocked on the door and Rosa opened it. She looked at my disheveled state and her eyes rose chidingly. She knew what must have happened.

"Enrique," I explained just so she wouldn't think I'd went home with some random guy.

Her face went from disappointed to surprise. "Oh, querido," she said, taking me into her arms. She did not reprimand me on my stupidity. Instead, she held me tight until I was sure I could control myself.

"How's Satia?" I asked, sniffing.

Rosa sighed. "She's barely noticed you've been gone. I tried calling your phone this morning to make sure you were alright."

"Sorry. I was pretty...drunk," I admitted.

She patted my shoulder. "Well, I can warm up some breakfast for you. I made sure Satia got to school."

"Thank you so much, Rosa. Where would I be without you?"

"You'd manage."

No. I don't think I would have.

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I raked the hair back from my face and exhaled loudly. My income was not adding up to the bills. The older Satia got, the more expensive she seemed to be. I'd have to take her out of ballet lessons if I wanted to be able to pay for our food. That would break her heart.

My own heart cringed at having to disappoint her. She loved to dance and sing. Music in general. Like her father.

I finished doing the bills to keep my mind off him. Enrique had not bothered to call for nearly five days, leaving his daughter wondering what she'd done.

"Mama? Did I do something to make Enrique go away?" she'd asked me.

"No, sweetie," I'd answered. "He's just...being difficult right now."

"Like I can be?"

"Oh, no. You're an angel compared to him." She'd smiled at me and I'd had to force a smile back.

Things were going to get rough. Satia was a growing girl. She had to be my top priority--and she was. I would quit school if I had to, but if I quit school, I wouldn't be able to get an education and a better job. Hence, I wouldn't have any better income than I did.

We'd just have to tough it out until I could get graduated and find a better job.

My phone vibrated on the table by the papers.

Enrique

I clutched the phone so hard in my hand, it possibly cracked. Now he calls. When I'm already pissed!

"What?" I snapped.

"Rosin--"

"What do you want?"

"Can I come see Satia tomorrow?" His voice was quiet, timid.

"No," I replied and hung up.

I buried my face in my hands, growling things under my breath, wishing Enrique would get hit by a bus or the mic would electrocute him on his next performance. But I knew I wouldn't get that lucky. I never did.

"Mama?" Satia whispered from behind me.

I turned in my chair. "What are you doing up?"

"Were you crying?"

I smiled at her. "No, I was just letting all the stress out. So what are you doing up?"

"I miss Enrique."

My shoulders slouched. I knew, no matter how much I tried to push Enrique away, he'd have to come back. He'd sunk his claws into my little girl's life and she wouldn't let him go. She didn't understand the problems and dilemmas that he'd caused.

How much he hurt her mama...

"Come here," I said, opening my arms.

She walked over and pulled her into my lap, holding her close. "Why do you miss Enrique?" I asked.

"Because he's nice and he gives me presents."

"If I gave you presents, would you like me more?"

"No, you're my mama. I love you more than him."

"Oh, sweetie," I said, squeezing her. "Thank you."

"I still miss him..."

I didn't miss this Enrique, but I missed the one I'd met and spent those three months. He'd treated me like I was perfection, like he would never love anyone else. Where had that Enrique gone?

"Me too, honey. Me too."