Love Game

Three days later, I finally agreed to Jacoby’s request to go out again. I figured that it had been long enough for me to get over the shock and hurt, and honestly, I was sick of walking in on Jared and Sasha. Now I understood her reasoning behind those rules.

I drove up to the bar that Jacoby had said to come to. I wasn’t ready to actually sit in a car with him. Honestly, I wasn’t sure exactly how this was going to work out. At this point, the only thing I felt was guilt and rage.

I saw him standing by his car, so I pulled into the space beside him. I got out, and he walked over to me. I crossed my arms over my chest and looked at him.

“Still with her?” I asked. He sighed.

“I’m kind of stuck with her,” he replied. “Not going to ruin tonight, is it?”

“We’ll see.” He nodded.

“Is it okay if I get close to you?” I bit my lip and nodded, letting him wrap his arm around my waist. He led me inside the bar, which was crowded with people. I noticed a few stares, but I tried to ignore them, it only made me feel so much worse. He walked up to the bar and asked for a couple of shot glasses and a bottle of Smirnoff. He then led me over to a booth in the corner of the bar so we could have some privacy. He slid in the seat beside me, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. After a minute, I leaned into him, placing my hand on his leg. It was only too easy to feel comfortable with him.

“Can you give me a shot of that?” I asked. “I kind of need it.” He obliged, pouring the liquor into one of the shot glasses. I eagerly took it and downed the shot, enjoying the feel of the burn as it travelled down my throat.

“Better?” he asked.

“I’ll be better once the alcohol gets in my system,” I replied. “A buzz makes the best out of the worst situations.”

“Don’t be like this, Jordana,” he said in my ear, a sad note to his voice.

“It could be worse,” I snapped. “I’m here, aren’t I? Be grateful.” He smiled sadly at me and leaned over to give me a kiss. I pulled away right as his lips touched mine. I felt guilty for being here and letting him cheat on this other girl. I saw the hurt in his eyes, but at this moment, I really couldn’t give a damn.

“So why are you here?”

“I can’t seem to say no to you,” I replied honestly. He kissed me again, and this time I wasn’t so hesitant to kiss him back, even if it was only for a moment.

An hour later, I had loosened up a bit. I was now leaning against his chest with my arm going behind me to wrap around his neck. I was laughing loudly and joking around. I wasn’t drunk. I just had a slight buzz. But even with the buzz, I still couldn’t drown out my guilt. Even though I didn’t know Jess, I still knew it was wrong to just knowingly let Jacoby cheat on her. I felt bad for what had happened unknowingly. How could he do this? What about his band mates? Didn’t they know about him and Jess?

“Tell me how much you love me,” he said in my ear. I snapped at that moment. I couldn’t take it anymore. I pulled away from him, sliding as far away from him as the booth allowed. He had a hurt look on his face when I glanced at him. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry,” I apologized. “I don’t know what got into me.” He shrugged and leaned in to kiss me. At first I kissed him back, but then I pushed him away roughly. He almost fell onto the floor.

“Jordana, what the hell is going on?” he asked.

“I can’t do this,” I said. “Let me out.” He shook his head.

“You’re not leaving until you tell me what’s wrong.”

“Then will you at least move to the other side of the booth?” I asked, getting a bit hysterical. He looked at me for a moment before doing as I asked.

“Now what is it?” he asked.

“How do you not feel it?” I said, stunned. “It’s gnawing at me, eating me apart.”

“What is?”

“The guilt!” I screamed. “What else would I be fucking talking about? How can you just do this without feeling slightly guilty about what you’re doing to her? How much she’ll be hurt when she finds out? I hate myself for even being a part of this, knowingly or not!”

“I love you, Jordana. No one else. Just you.”

“How many people know? How many people in this damn bar know? They probably all know. They think I’m a slut, a home wrecker. Shit, that’s what I am. How can you do this?” I cried out in frustration. I pulled at my hair. I was a mess. How the hell was he sitting there calmly like there wasn’t anything wrong? Like cheating on his girlfriend wasn’t a big deal?

“Jordana, baby, listen to me,” he said softly, reaching over and taking my hands in his. “I want you to just forget about this whole thing. It’s just me and you, baby.” I stared at him in disgust. How much of a pig was he? How could I have even fallen in love with him?

“You know what,” I snapped, jerking my hands out of his as I stood up. “I’m done. I’m out of here.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” he demanded.

“This,” I shouted, pointing back and forth between us. “I can’t just fucking sit here and let you cheat on this girl! I’m sick of assholes like you! What fucking gives you the right to decide you can be with however many fucking women you want like they don’t have feelings? I’m fucking through with you, Jacoby,” I spat, turning on my heel and walking away.

“So you’re just going to walk away?” he shouted angrily after me. I paused and turned around, putting a smile on my face.

“Of course not,” I said as I walked over to the table. He smirked at me and moved over to allow me to take a seat. Instead of sitting down, I grabbed one of the glasses that still had drink in it and threw the liquid in his face. I heard the onlookers “ooh”, and he glared at me. “Now I’m going to walk away,” I spat. I made my way to the exit and turned around. “Do me a favor and don’t call!” I shouted and then stormed out of the bar.

Somehow during the drive back to my apartment, I managed to keep my cool. I remained emotionless, as if nothing had even happened. I don’t know what had gotten into me. Maybe the anger finally took over and got it’s say in the whole situation. I knew I was better off anyway.

I walked into the apartment, locking the door behind me. Sasha wasn’t in the living room, so I assumed she’d gone to bed. Either that or she was doing the nasty with Jared, and I didn’t want to interrupt. She’d been happier than ever before since they’d gotten together. It still scared me a little actually, but I was still happy for her.

Once I thought of her and Jared, I finally realized what had happened. I broke up with the guy that I thought was the best guy I’d ever met. Now he was an asshole, and I wanted so badly to hate him. Too bad that I was completely in love with him. I leaned against the door, sliding down to the floor and burying my face in my hands as I cried my eyes out. I should’ve listened to Sasha from the beginning. Heartbreak’s the only thing I gained from all of this.