Love Game

Jacoby's P.O.V.

I leaned against my car and waited for Jordana to show up. She was late, and I was starting to worry that she’d decided not to come after all. If that was the case, then I’d just have to her, and I’d force my way into that damn apartment so I could talk to her. I wanted her, no scratch that. I needed her in my life because she’s the only thing that keeps me in my place.

I wasn’t sure what I was going to do to be honest. I had to be with Jordana. I didn’t have much choice there. I’d fallen in love, and she was perfect for me. I always thought it was stupid when people said they’d found their soul mates. I’d thought it was a bunch of bullshit because there couldn’t be a way that someone could be made to be with someone else. But that changed with Jordana because she was absolutely meant to be mine. She just understood me and connected with me in ways that I’d never experienced before.

The problem was Jess. I was going to call it off. She came home two days ago, and I was getting ready to break it off. I couldn’t be with her any longer. Then she told me the news. She was pregnant, with my kid. My own dad had bailed on me, leaving me with a fucked up childhood. How could I possibly let my own kid experience the same thing I did. I’d sworn I wouldn’t be that guy. And that meant that I had to stay with Jess, even though I didn’t want to.

I spotted Jordana’s car pulling into the parking lot. She spotted me and pulled into the space beside me. I pushed myself off my car and started walking towards her as she got out. She still managed to take my breath away. It was too easy for her. She crossed her arms over her chest and stared at me with hostility. I stopped in my tracks.

“Still with her?” she asked, a little bit of anger in her voice. I sighed.

“I’m kind of stuck with her,” I said. “Not going to ruin tonight, is it?” I sure as hell hoped not. I hated myself enough without knowing she resented me too.

“We’ll see.” I nodded.

“Can you let me be near you?” I wanted so badly to hold her in my arms again. They felt empty without her. She bit her lip and nodded, so I wrapped my arm around her waist, pulling her as close as I could.

The bar was crowded. I wasn’t expecting it to be this busy, but hopefully it would be easier to talk with her since they’d most likely be too busy with other things. I saw the discomfort on Jordana’s face. I didn’t know what it was that made her feel like that, but somehow I knew it had to do with me, and I hated it. I hated myself so much worse.

We slid into the booth after getting a bottle of liquor and shot glasses. I wrapped my arm around her shoulder, not wanting to lose the feeling of her in my arms. At first I thought she wasn’t going to reciprocate, but after a minute she leaned against me and put her hand on my leg. I smiled down at her.

“Can you give me a shot of that?” she asked, pointing to the bottle. “I kind of need it.” I didn’t ask questions. I just did what she asked. She downed it quickly.

“Better?” I asked.

“I’ll be better once the alcohol gets in my system,” she replied. “A buzz makes the best out of the worst situations.” My heart fell a bit in my chest.

“Don’t be like this, Jordana,” I begged, speaking softly in her ear. She turned to me with an icy glare on her face.

“It could be worse,” she snapped harshly. I winced because even though they were words, they felt like a slap to the face. “I’m here, aren’t I? Be grateful.” I smiled sadly and leaned down to place a kiss on her lips. I wanted her to know that I really did love her and I cared about her. She turned her head as soon as our lips touched. It hurt that she turned me down like that. I wouldn’t have done it to her. She didn’t say anything, and her eyes said “Fuck you, Jacoby.”

“So why are you here?” I asked, desperate to make the accusation leave her face.

“I can’t seem to say no to you,” she said. There was a note of sadness in the reply, and her eyes dulled. It was like she hated that she was in love with me. I turned her face back to mine and kissed her again. This time she kissed back, and I felt so much better. If she couldn’t say no to me, then she couldn’t leave me. She was just as screwed in this as I was, but I was grateful for it. I never wanted her to leave me.

An hour passed. We’d both been drinking steadily. She had finally let go of the anger though. I wrapped my arm around her waist as she leaned against my chest and wrapped her arm behind my neck. She laughed loudly and joked, so maybe she’d forgotten everything or had forgiven me. I didn’t really care because at least she was back to being herself.

“You know, I really shouldn’t love you, but I do,” she slurred.

“Tell me how much you love me,” I said in her ear. All of a sudden, her eyes cleared up and she pulled away from me. She slid away from me, her back against the wall. “What’s wrong?” I asked, hoping she couldn’t see how much she hurt me.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what got into me.” I studied her, but I couldn’t decipher the emotions in her eyes. I shrugged and leaned in so I could kiss her and make everything disappear. She kissed me back, but just as soon as I slipped my tongue into her mouth shoved me away from her. Hard enough for me to almost fall out of the seat.

“Jordana, what the hell is going on?” I demanded.

“I can’t do this. Let me out,” she begged. I shook my head. If I got up, she’d leave, and I wasn’t ready for that yet. Even if she did come back to me eventually, I wasn’t ready for her to leave yet.

“You’re not leaving until you tell me what’s wrong,” I said. I didn’t care if I was being stubborn or not. I loved her way too much, and I had to know what was making her upset.

“Then will you at least move to the other side of the booth?” she asked. She was getting hysterical now. I had to move, but I paused. I had to see in her eyes that she was going to stay. Satisfied with what I saw, I got up and moved.

“Now what is it?”

“How do you not feel it? It’s gnawing at me, eating me apart.” I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. What the hell was she talking about?

“What is?”

“The guilt!” she screamed at me. “What else would I be fucking talking about? How can you just do this without feeling slightly guilty about what you’re doing to her? How much she’ll be hurt when she finds out? I hate myself for even being a part of this, knowingly or not!” I stared at her intently, making sure she could see exactly what I was feeling at that moment.

“I love you, Jordana. No one else. Just you.”

“How many people know? How many people in this damn bar know? They probably all know. They think I’m a slut, a home wrecker. Shit, that’s what I am. How can you do this?” she cried out in frustration. She ran her fingers through her hair, tugging it roughly. She’d never freaked out like this before. And I had to do something about it because our entire relationship was spinning out of control, and I had to do everything I could to make things right between us.

“Jordana, baby, listen to me,” I said softly, reaching over and taking her hands in mine gently. “I want you to just forget about this whole thing. It’s just me and you, baby.” She stared at me, the disgust apparent on her face. I held her gaze so that she could see that I meant those words. That is was just about us, and it always would be. She jerked her hands of my grip and stood up, glaring at me with more hostility than I thought she was capable of. I didn’t see why she was freaking out like this. We both knew she was going to come back to me no matter what happened. We were soul mates, and that’s what soul mates did.

“You know what? I’m done. I’m out of here.” So much hate in her voice, and I didn’t understand a single thing she said.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“This!” she screamed, pointing at us. “I can’t just fucking sit here and let you cheat on this girl! I’m sick of assholes like you! What fucking gives you the right to decide you can be with however many fucking women you want like they don’t have feelings? I’m fucking through with you, Jacoby.” She turned and started walking away angrily.

“So you’re just going to walk away?” I yelled after her. She couldn’t just fucking leave me like this. I was in love with her, and she was in love with me. She hadn’t even heard everything I had to say. And I know it was stupid to get like this. Like she said, she couldn’t say no to me, so she wouldn’t stay away. Not by a long shot. She turned and smiled at me.

“Of course not.” I smirked as she walked back over to me because I’d known she’d come back to me. I didn’t care if people were watching us. They didn’t know shit anyway. I moved over so that she could sit next to me. She reached over to one of the shot glasses and threw the drink in my face. I wiped the alcohol out of my eyes and glared at her, not giving a damn about what the other people were saying. What the fuck was her problem. “Now I’m walking away,” she spat. She stormed off and turned towards me at the door. “Do me a favor and don’t call!” I just stared in shock as she left.

“What happened there, buddy?” some guy asked me. I glared at him.

“None of your fucking business,” I snapped, rushing out of the bar. Her car was already pulling out of the parking lot. “Dammit, Jacoby,” I said to myself. “Look what you did. Screwed yourself over once again.” I wanted to follow her back to her apartment, but I had a feeling she’d kick me in the balls if I did. So, I’d just give it a day or two. Let her cool off and come to her senses before I went to see her again. And I was going to see her again. I had to. I didn’t want her to keep blaming me for shit when I told her I’d never meant it in the first place. She brought it up anyway, but I’m going to do whatever I can to make sure she stays a part of my life. I have to make sure we don’t fall apart.