Through the Afterglow

"Are you almost ready?" Rae asked, as I clipped my belt around the middle of my waist, positioning the bow. I looked into the mirror, running my fingers through my hair briefly and rubbing some stray mascara that had fallen from my eyelash away.

"Almost." I said, pulling down my over sized t-shirt. I had no idea why I was putting so much attention into my looks. It wasn't exactly a big deal. I mean, I was just meeting up with some people at the mall. No big deal. It wasn't like I was into Stephen or anything...

Rae burst into the bathroom, her head tilted at me. She looked gorgeous, as always. Her hair was trailing down her back in tousled curls, and she looked like some sort of goddess, or something. She blinked at me, and then smiled. "You look great."

"So do you. Brian's gonna be all over you." I said, winking one of my silver eyeshadow covered lids at her.

"And Stephen's gonna be all over you." She said, grinning. I laughed, looking away.

"Nah."

"Yeah, he totally is."

"It doesn't matter anyway." I said. Rae just pursed her lips, and turned on her heel. I took one last look in the mirror, running my fingers through my straightened black hair, before following her.

I hadn't always been like this. I hadn't always been so withdrawn and antisocial. I had always been afraid, ever since I was a little girl, but I figured one day I'd find a guy that would care about me regardless of my flaws.

When I was ten, I was diagnosed with a type of epilepsy, called Autosomal dominant nocturnal frontal lobe epilepsy. It was never really serious, just mild seizures in my sleep. Mostly random motor movements, and sometimes vocal things. I would cry out, yell, terrifying my Mother. It was only really bad for four or five years starting during puberty. It still affected my life, but not has extreme as it did when I was a child. When I was a little girl, it was a nightly thing, now, it was a rarity.

Well, at least as far as I knew. I hadn't exactly shared a bed with someone for a long, long time.

I never thought that the epilepsy impacted me very much. I never got to have sleepovers with the other girls, but I didn't mind. I was painfully shy anyways. I never thought it would be an awfully big deal, and I still didn't. It wasn't exactly something I wanted to talk about with people, though.

During one of my check ups after a particularly bad seizure though, I found out there was a deeper problem with my health, though, and that was why I was so afraid.

I remember sitting in the hospital staring out the window, and running my fingers through my hair. It was long, down to my waist, shiny and raven black. I'd always been so, so proud of my hair...

And clumps of it came off into my hand.

I panicked, frantically combing through my hair with my fingers, watching strand after strand fall onto the white of the hospital bed.

I think it was then I decided I wasn't going to let anyone see me like that, whether they loved me or not. That was when I decided if there was even a chance of me ever being that scared and vulnerable again, I wouldn't let anyone close enough to see it.

And that was that.

"Come on Jaz, Brian just texted me saying they're already on their way!" Rae called from out the door, and I followed after her, running my hands through my now, slightly past shoulder length hair, with a sigh.

--

"Where did they say to meet us again?" I asked Rae, jamming my hands in the pockets of my jeans nervously, looking around the food court. Rae smiled at me, and looked down at her phone.

"Brian said they'd meet us at the food court."

I looked around. "We're at the food court. They are not."

"Calm down, Jaz! They'll be here. Why do you care so much, anyways?" She grinned, walking up right beside me and gingerly nudging with her shoulder. "Someone got a crush?"

"No!" I scowled, looking around. "Definitely not."

"Sure, sure." She said, flicking her hair over her shoulder, and winking suggestively at me. She looked over my shoulder, and a small smile passed her lips. "Here they are."

I whirled around, seeing Brian and Stephen, as well as two other boys, and a girl. Brian immediately smiled, seeing Rae. Stephen smirked at me, as they approached.

"Hey ladies." Brian greeted, smiling particularly at Rae, looking up at her beneath his eyelashes. She smiled back at him. Needless to say, it was adorable.

"Hey." Rae said. I merely waved to all of them. "I'm Rae." She said, introducing herself to the others that didn't know her yet.

"I'm Jazlyn." I said, sort of shyly. Stephen was still smirking at me. I rocked back and forth on my heels, uncomfortable.

"I'm Jess." The girl introduced herself, and I smiled at her.

"John." Said the dark haired boy standing beside Stephen.

"And, I'm Josh." The last boy said, smiling. "And there's a whole lot of people that have J names here." He chuckled.

"Indeed there is." Rae said, laughing. "So how are you all?"

We exchanged the typical pleasantries of people who had just met, getting to each other all more, I guess. We had group conversation that I didn't really know how to be a part of, so I just sort of stood there, looking at the ground.

After a few minutes of small talk, I felt someone gingerly kick my shoe. I looked up to Stephen smiling at me.

"Wanna go for a walk?" He asked me quietly, and I said yes, against my better judgment. Rae smiled at me as Stephen and I started heading off down the escalator, to god knows where.

"So..." He started, running his fingers through his dark hair. My stomach did a flip, and I bit down on my lip, trying to suppress that feeling. "You seem upset."

I shook my head, not looking him directly in the eyes. "I'm not upset. Just... awkward."

He tilted his head, his expression urging me to explain further.

"I'm just... weird when I'm meeting new people. I get really uncomfortable..." I said simply, as we strolled through the ground floor of the mall, passing various clothing stores and random people.

"You weren't that weird when we first met." He pointed out. "You seemed totally normal."

"I guess you're different then." I laughed. He flashed me a huge smile, and I could feel a bit of heat rising in my cheeks.

"Well, I hope that's a good thing!" He said, chuckling lightly.

"I suppose it is." I said, smiling. "I don't get along with people easily."

"I feel special." He commented teasingly, scratching the back of his neck. He was quiet for a moment, and then he looked over at me, making eye contact. "Why do you say you don't get along with people?"

"I...I..." I blinked at him, unsure of what to say. No one has ever up front asked me that before... it was different. "I guess I just have trouble trusting people. I was never around people growing up, except Rae, so I'm just really shy."

"Why weren't you around people? Didn't you go to school?" He asked, obviously confused. Hell, I couldn't blame him.

"Long story. Some other day." I said, lying about telling him some other time. That was something I never planned on sharing, in all honesty. It was just an uncomfortable subject.

"Okay." Stephen said happily, seeming to accept that, which came as a great relief to me. We continued just strolling aimlessly, and I was sort of happy to be away from everyone, spending time with him... Whether he was a boy that was potentially interested in me, or not, I needed more of a social life. I'd been deprived of that for a long time.

My phone vibrated in my pocket, and I pulled it out quickly, seeing one new message from Rae. I hastily opened it, eyes scanning the text.

How are you and Stephen? ;)

Fine. The real question is, how are you and Brian? I texted back, sliding my phone back in my pocket. Stephen just looked at me curiously.

"It's Rae." I said, giggling. "Just asking what's up."

"Oh, cool." He said, nodding. "Brian thinks she's adorable. But I've already told you that."

I grinned, and nodded. "I'm so happy for her. You know, that he's interested. That's just...awesome."

"Yeah." Stephen agreed, nodding. I tried to think of a response, but my phone vibrating cut me off.

We went off for a walk. I'll tell you later. :)

Kay. I slid my phone back in my pocket, smiling sheepishly at Stephen. He looked at me contentedly, and I got a strange sort of feeling. He just seemed so... solid. It was hard to find someone that immediately gave off that sort of vibe.

I looked away from his gaze awkwardly, and realized we were at the bottom of the same escalator we'd came from. We'd done a total circle.

"Wanna go up now?" He asked me, and I simply nodded, boarding the escalator without another word.

When we reached the top, I looked around, not seeing Brian, Rae, Jess, Josh or John anywhere. I didn't know whether to be relieved or not. "Should we sit down?" I asked, gesturing to one of the many tables in front of the Taco Bell, and beside McDonald's.

"Sure." Stephen said, and I watched him glance around looking for a table for us. He was truly, very cute, and as much as I tried to ignore it, it was pretty difficult. I hated it. I stared at the ground, mentally scolding myself. Stephen cleared his throat, and I looked up, seeing he was holding out a chair for me at a small, circular table with one chair on either side.

"Oh.. thanks." I mumbled, sinking down into the seat. Stephen walked to the other side, and seated himself.

"No problem." He said, shrugging, resting his elbows on the table. He looked at me, tilting his head. I tried not to look too uncomfortable as he examined me happily. I wondered desperately what he was thinking, mostly because I couldn't remember the last time I'd been in this situation, but I didn't ask. I knew I never would.

"So..." I said, turning my head away, and staring the ground, uncomfortable.

"I like your hair..." He said quietly, taking a strand between his fingers. "It's really pretty. Perfect length."

I jerked away, and Stephen let go of my hair before he had a chance to tug on it.

His words hit me like ice, and I shoved my chair back, getting myself as far away from him as I could. I had no direct reasoning to why his comment had shocked me so much, except for my flashback with my hair earlier. I muttered a quiet thank you under my breath, feeling his eyes watching me, concerned.

It was just a compliment. He didn't say anything wrong.. he just complimented me. That's all he did. I had no idea why I was acting this way. Maybe it was just the fact that he'd complimented me at all... Either way, I hastily reached into my pocket, and grabbed my phone, texting Rae.

We need to leave.

I pressed send, without one more word to Stephen.