Through the Afterglow

I stared at myself through the floor length mirror against my door, with Jazlyn, still not telling me why we left so abruptly a few days ago, watched on. She whistled as she exhaled, smiling brighter than I had seen her smile in a long time. “You look great, Rae. Really, Brian is going to go crazy when he sees you.”

When we were at the mall a couple of days ago, Brian had pulled me away, taking me on a walk while his bandmates roamed around, looking for gifts for the “new happy couple”, meaning Jazlyn and Stephen, but judging by Brian's deep blush, I figured that wasn't what it was really about.

But as we walked by Macy's, he had shoved his hands deep into his pockets, looking sheepish. I said nothing, just looking deep into his eyes. He smiled a little, stuttering in that adorable way that made me melt like the Wicked Witch. “Would you, uh, like to, uh, go to dinner this Friday? With me?” He asked awkwardly, looking down at my shoes, which were crappy and written on but the only thing I had at Jazlyn's house.

I smiled, gently wrapping my hand in his and giving it a squeeze. “I'd love to, Brian.”

And now I stood in front of the mirror, decked out in white, with my hair curled to perfection by the master. Jazlyn had been such a good friend through my whole life, and here she was, decking me out like I was getting married. But I knew why she was making such a big deal about it. Like always, she was scared this would be her last date.

Maybe I should start living like that.

I took a deep breath, calming the butterflies in my stomach and making them settle. “He's here, Jazlyn. I'm terrified.” I gave a weak and watery smile, and Jazlyn smiled too, giving me a gentle hug and squeezing tight.

Life was moving in folds: one minute I was here, and the next I was there. And suddenly, there I was, sitting shotgun in Brian's dirty car as he endlessly apologized. “I mean, I should have borrowed Jess's car or something, since it's always clean but-”

I smiled, cutting him off, just happy to be here. “Brian, seriously. It's okay. Stop apologizing. This is what my apartment looks like.” He fell silent, and I nudged him gently, blushing. “You look really handsome.” He blushed too, pulling into the parking lot and, most delicately and carefully, like he was scared he was going to hurt me, he kissed my cheek.

“You look beautiful,” He said, helping me out of the car and towards this nice restaurant, called Coast of Maine, where I had been a few times with my parents for brunch. It was excellent. We were seated immediately, a cozy table in the corner, away from the noise and hustle and bustle, where we could talk and drink our bottle of wine, hand selected by the chef as being excellent. “So, Rae, tell me about your childhood.” He was leaning back, with terrible posture that the inner doctor in me was freaking out on, but tonight, I wasn't Dr. Stephens. I was Rae.

I laughed. “I grew up with Jazlyn. I never really fit in, since I was always skipping grades and crazy things like that, but I mean, really, that's totally okay. Jazlyn and I are close enough to be sisters, so just having her around was enough to get through my hellhole of a high school.” I shrugged. “Tell me about yours.”

Brian shrugged too, taking a sip of his wine. “I grew up listening to good music and ignoring the world. That's how I met TSS guys, and Jess. I mean, listening to music took away the pain, and when I got into writing them, everything just fell into place like it was supposed to.” He shrugged again, perplexing my interest.

I groaned. “You're so lucky that everything just fell into place so easily, you know?” I blushed sheepishly. “I mean, me and Jazlyn Googled you guys earlier and watched your show, and Brian, you look like you belong up there. And maybe I can't get the full potential since I've never been to one of your shows-” Brian faked hurt, another cute thing about him. “but even through a computer screen, you belong up there.” I smiled, and Brian simply shrugged again, leaning on his elbows and looking deep into my eyes.

“Aren't you happy as a doctor?” Brian asked innocently, and it struck me that no one had ever asked me that simple question. Am I happy?

I sigh deeply. “I'm thrilled that I save lives, that's what I became a doctor for. But it's so disappointing when doctors just give up on their patients.” I bite my lip, answering his original question. Everything was so easy with Brian, it was like time was hardly passing. “I'm happy with what I'm doing, and I want to change things.”

Brian chuckled, though not darkly. “Isn't that what we all want? To mean something, to make a difference and leave our mark on the world?”

I laugh, shaking my head. “Are you like, my soul mate, or something?” I joked, though partially serious. “Where have you been all my life?!” I joke, and Brian softens, a quiet smile on his lips.

“Waiting to find you.” I melted. Completely and totally melted. I smiled, and he blushed deeply, but this time, thankfully, didn't apologize. I reached across the table and took his hand, something I clearly knew he was too afraid to do. He was so handsome, so sweet, and so not a dirtbag. He was unlike anyone else I had ever dated and it was magnificent, like being reborn again. I wasn't going to be the girl who was the booty call or the one someone called for a “good time” in the most sexual of ways. I was going to be, I hoped, the girlfriend of a singer who treated me right and loved me dearly, knowing he was lucky to have me.

That thought just brought a smile to my lips. “Okay, Brian, now it's your turn. Tell me about tour.”

The night passed with ease and elegance, our food always delicious and another bottle of wine ordered, keeping us not only sane, but also completely and totally drunk. I knew better, drinking my wine in small increments, and Brian seemed to follow my lead. Yet, I still felt a bit tipsy as he opened my door to his crappy little car.

And though it took him all night, as we drove the longest way back to my apartment as possible, he reached across the tan center console and grabbed my hand, his thumb gently rubbing the space between my thumb and forefinger, a quiet smile on his lips, illuminated by the harsh streetlights. “Rae, what's your namesake?” Brian asked suddenly, looking at me and not the road, which surprisingly didn't make me nervous, like it did when Jazlyn did it.

I laughed. “My mom had this vodka once called Ray's, and it was the best thing that ever happened to her, since when she spilled it down herself at a bar, she met my dad. So, when I was born, they just added an 'e', and hoped I wouldn't mind.” I stuck my tongue out, a childish gesture. “But I did, obviously.”

Brian smirked, squeezing my hand. “I think it's cute.” It was hard to tell if he was being serious or not, but hey, it was a compliment all the same. I had this deep pounding in my chest, something I could hear in my ears. I knew it was my heart, and Brian was making it beat so quickly, so fast, so … unlike my own heart that it was heard to believe it was mine. He stopped in front of my apartment complex, and smiled. “I'll walk you up,” He said cutely, and forever the gentleman, opened my door and helped me out, walking me up the steps.

“I had a great time tonight, Brian,” I said, standing on my tip-toes and kissing his cheek gently, tasting the orange cologne he was wearing, and loving the smell as I breathed him in. He smiled, grabbing my other hand and keeping me close, but I knew he wouldn't kiss me. Not yet. It was like reading minds, the way I could read him.

“I did too.” He grinned. “Maybe we can do it again next week?” He said, much more confident now, something I obviously admired greatly. I smiled too, blushing a deep scarlet, something I almost never did.

“I'd love to.” Smirking, and digging my key out of my bra, I spoke again, flirting shamelessly. “Call me, love,” I said, opening the door and waving to him, heading up to my apartment and falling onto the bed, almost wanting to scream to the heavens about how wonderful this feeling was, whatever it was.