Like Phantoms Forever

I rolled over and snuggled into what I thought was my pillow, but it was awfully hard and warm to be my pillow.
I cracked open one eye and saw that what I’d been snuggling into was Gerard’s chest. I also saw Frank and Wes standing over us. Frank had his phone out and it wasn’t until I heard the click of the camera that I realized what he was doing.
“Now I have photographic evidence!” He cackled, running out of the room.
“I have a feeling I’m going to have to kill your boyfriend.” I groaned, sitting up. Gerard stirred and then opened his eyes.
“Why are you killing my boyfriend?” He asked sleepily. Wes and I just stared at him.
“So Frerard exists!” I laughed. He swatted at me half heartedly and rolled back over to go to sleep.
“Someone called about half an hour ago, she said her name was Sophie Hart and she was coming to pick you up for breakfast.” Wes said. I let out a squeak of happiness and hobbled out of my bed as fast as I could to get ready. Sophie was one of my author friends who used the same publisher I did. I hadn’t seen her in almost five months.
As much as I loved maxi dresses, I was getting sick of wearing them and would be happy when I could get back into my jeans.
The door bell rang and by the time I got up to get it, Frank had already opened the door.
“Em? You didn’t tell me you lived with good-looking rock stars.” Sophie said as she walked in.
“Because these fuckheads only moved in after you left. How was Ireland?” I said, hugging her.
“As amazing as you said it would be.” She grinned. I had lived in Ireland for six months while writing Beautiful Lies. “Well, shall we go?”
“Yep. You guys can fend for yourselves, right?” I asked.
“We’re not incompetent Emmy.” Wes rolled her eyes. “Go already!” So we drove to a little diner ten minutes away from my house and found a table.
“Tell me everything.” Sophie said after we ordered breakfast.
“Everything what?”
“I can tell something’s bothering you. So spill.”
“Where do I even begin Soph?” I sighed. “My ex-boyfriend, who I freely admit I have never gotten over, is living with me, and his girlfriend is living with me as well. I’m crippled so I can’t leave the house, I may have feelings for his older brother who is sharing a room with me, I haven’t seen my brother or niece in two months and I’m fucking sick of everything.” She was quiet.
“Sounds like you need a tranquilizer.”
“I need a drink, but I can’t have one.” I ran one hand through my hair. “And to top it all off, I can’t even hate his new girlfriend because we were guitar techs on the same tour and she was awesome.” I’d been Brian’s tech; she’d been Zacky’s. “That tour was actually the last time I got laid.”
“Which one was it?” She leaned forward expectantly.
“Brian. We got…close during the tour, but we quickly realized we were better off as friends and so we broke up I guess.”
“Look at you, dating all the rock stars.”
“I dated Mikey long before he was a rock star.” I reminded her.
“Whatever. So tell me about his brother.”
I heaved a frustrated sigh. “Gerard has been through what I’ve been through. He’s a sweetheart, an amazing person and probably an artistic genius. Plus the Way family genes seem to be incredible and he’s goddamn goodlooking.”
“Sounds like you have a little bit of a crush on him.”
“A little, yeah.” I groaned. “What am I gonna do?”
“Well, for starters you could ask Mikey to move out.”
“I would look like such a bitch if I did that, asking him to leave the minute Alicia shows up.”
“Not if you ask all of them to move out. They’re all couples except for you and Gerard, right?”
“Yeah…” I’d gotten used to them being around. I was kind of reluctant to kick them out.
“Just think about it Em, okay?”
“Okay.” I said finally.
--
It was late, almost one according to the clock I could see glowing faintly from the living room. I was sitting out on my patio with a blanket wrapped around me to keep the chill off. It was almost completely silent. A hush had fallen over the neighborhood and even Zero, who barked at shadows, was sleeping peacefully at my feet.
This was the most peaceful I’d felt in a long time, the most centered. I heard the screen door behind me creak softly and a tall, skinny shape sat down next to me on the bench.
“Are you all right Emmy?” Mikey said softly.
“I’m fine. Why?”
“I know you. You wouldn’t be sitting out here at one in the morning unless something was bothering you.” He moved closer to me.
I let out a long breath. “I don’t know.”
“You don’t know what?” There were a lot of things I could have said. I don’t know why I still love you. I don’t know why you can still make my heart skip beats. I don’t know why I can’t hate your girlfriend, even though she gets to sleep next to you every night and I don’t.
In the end, I just said, “I don’t know why this still hurts so much.” I think he knew I wasn’t talking about my leg and that I was talking about us.
He didn’t say anything. He wrapped one arm around me and squeezed, resting his head against mine. For a moment, I could pretend we were still together, could pretend that we were still in love. But it wasn’t real, just a figment of my imagination.
Something brushed against my temple, maybe his lips, and then he was gone. I waited for a few minutes before hobbling into the house and taking something out of the fridge back outside.
I set it on the table and stared at it for a few minutes. It was nothing. Just a bottle of amber colored glass with a shiny silver top. And as long as I stared, I couldn’t convince myself that this was a bad idea.
I cracked open the beer and took a sip.
It was going to be a long night.