Like Phantoms Forever

I typed away furiously, trying to get my thoughts onto the page as quickly as possible before I forgot them. I picked up my cup of tea and kept typing with the other hand.
According to the clock, it was 2 AM. I hadn’t slept in three days; I’d been in such a creative spell. I hadn’t even left my office except to go to the bathroom. I’ve ignored every knock on the door I’ve heard and locked it for good measure.
I don’t even want to think about what happened with Mikey. At all. I took every MCR song I had off my playlist so I wouldn’t hear it by accident.
I had the music up so loud I didn’t hear the hairpin sliding into the lock or someone jimmying the door open. In fact, I didn’t even notice someone was in the room with me until Wes spun my chair around to face her.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” She demanded, crossing her arms over her chest.
“Nothing.” I lied.
“You’re a horrible liar Emmy. There has to be a reason that you’re hiding out in here.”
It took me only a split second to decide to confide in my best friend. We hadn’t been as close as before, but if anyone would understand this, it would be Wes.
“I slept with Mikey.” I blurted.
“I was wondering when that would happen.” She didn’t sound surprised at all.
“I told him to forget it ever happened.”
She snorted. “Yeah okay, that'll happen.”
“Wes...he's with Alicia. Not me. It's been nine years.” I sighed.
“Doesn't mean he still doesn't love you.”
“I just want to forget it ever happened.”
“Good luck with that.”
“I know someone that could help me forget it and his name is Jack Daniels.” Even I knew how stupid that was, but I needed the fog of alcohol.
“You really want to go down that road?” She frowned.
“At this point it's sounding fucking great.”
“Alcohol won't make how you're feeling stop. Ask Gee he knows all about it.”
“It's worked for me before. Living in a stupor doesn't sound terrible right now.”
“Were you really happy then? I somehow doubt it.”
“At least I couldn't feel anything.” I sniffled and wiped at my eyes, hating myself for the weakness of crying.
Wes hugged me. “Oh Em I'm sorry. But if there's one thing I know about Mikey is everything he does has a reason. He wouldn't have slept with you if there wasn't something going on with him for you.”
I shook my head. “It was a one time thing.”
“I still say you two are made for each other.”
“Were. We were made for each other. Not anymore.”
“I know what I said and I said what I meant. You and Mikey belong together just like me and Frank.”
I shook my head. “I'm gonna ask him to leave tomorrow. Or I'll go stay with River until he's gone. Or I'll fucking move to Ireland again.”
“He won't let you leave your own house. If you ask him to leave, he will even if he doesn't want to really. Not that even he may fully realize he doesn't. You two are so starcrossed it's not funny.”
“I haven't seen River in a while. It's not that strange to go spend a few days with him.”
She raised her eyebrow. “Right after you two have sex? Mikey's smart enough to see through that.”
“E: I haven't even left my office in three days. I'm pretty sure this is an indicator that my head's messed up.”
“Well yeah it has been pretty obvious, even Frank noticed.”
“That's it. I'm leaving.” I got up and headed across the hall to my room and grabbed a bag to start throwing clothes in.
Wes followed me. “He's still gonna be here when you get back.”
“At the very least I'll have a few days to clear my head.”
“I'll start looking for places for us all to live while you're gone. It's not right to have Mikey and Alicia living here.”
“You and Frank are welcome to stay as long as you need. Same for Gerard. Ray and Christa found a place I think.” I rubbed my face tiredly.
“If I say we're all moving out Mikey will do the same and it won't be your idea.”
I let my head rest again the door with a thunk. “This is so fucked up.”
“It’ll get better Em. I promise.”
“I need a drink.”
“No you don't but you won't listen to me so I'm going to go get Gee. Just remember everything I do is out of love.” She ducked out of the room. I followed her to the top of the stairs.
“Did you get her out?” Gee asked. He must have been sitting in the living room.
“Yeah but all she wants to do is drink away her problems and feelings.” Wes said.
I heard him swear under his breath. “Not again.”
Wes sounded like she was fighting back tears. “I can't help her, please go help her. She listens to you more than me now.” I came down the stairs with my bag.
“Where are you going Em?” Gerard asked.
“Anywhere but here.” I said.
“I'm coming with you then.” He stood up.
“I'm gonna spend a few days with my brother.” I said.
“Emmy, talk to me, please. What's been bothering you?” Gerard pleaded.
“I'm gonna gather everyone else and take them out to dinner while you guys talk.” Wes said.
I shook my head. “That's not gonna be necessary. I'm leaving right now.”
Gerard caught my hand as I tried to walk past him. “I'm not letting you leave until you tell me what's wrong.”
“Em please talk to him, running away isn't the answer and Gee understands.” Wes said.
“I'm not gonna go get fucking trashed before I go see my niece, for Christ’s sake!” I was making no effort to keep my voice down.
“Emmy, please tell me what's going on. You're scaring me.” Gerard took my other hand in his.
“ Tell him Em, he won't judge you.” Wes said.
“I fucked your brother, all right? Are you happy now that I said it?” I looked between the two of them, trying to read their expressions.
Gerard’s eyes softened. “Emmy…” He tried to hug me.
I pushed him away. “I don't want your fucking pity.”
“No one pities you. You made a mistake and it hurts but damn it decide not to take the easy way out.” Wes cried.
“Leaving isn't the easy way out. Having the fucking guts to walk away is harder than staying.” My hands were shaking.
“I meant the drinking. You want to leave and get your head together, fine, just do it sober.” Wes pleaded.
“I'm not sober anymore Wes. Didn't Gerard tell you? I fell off the wagon last week.” I laughed, a hysterical note coming out in my voice.
“Em you've come too far.” Wes looked shocked.
I heard footsteps on the stairs. “I need to get out of here.”
“Wait okay. I'll go too.” Wes said.
I shook my head. “I'm going to River's house.”
“So? River loves me. Just wait a sec Em. It'll only take me 2.5 to grab some clothes.” Wes said. I grabbed my keys off the table just as Mikey walked into the room. I bit down on my lip, hard, trying not to cry. Wes ran up the stairs to grab clothes, I guess. Mikey looked between Gerard and me, looking confused.
I headed out the door to the garage, unlocking my car and throwing my stuff in the backseat before anyone could say anything. I drove down the block just as the door opened again and Wes came out.
I was going to cause a car accident the way I was driving. I’d never make it to River’s house in one piece, and god knows Wes could find his number and where he lived if she really wanted to. My mom’s house was out, and I’d be damned if I’d go see Forrest right now.
I just wanted to be left alone. Just me and my head, and maybe some alcohol if I could get my hands on it.
I turned the corner and drove towards where I knew there was a Marriott hotel. I was lucky enough that there was an open room for me to check into for the next few days.
I dumped my stuff on the bed and flopped face down on it, just letting myself cry it out for a bit. I knew there was a mini-bar in this room.
Just me and my demons in one room for a while.
What’s the worst that could happen?