Like Phantoms Forever

When I woke up, the alarm clock on my nightstand was reading 6:30.
As in, AM.
If I hadn’t just had the craziest dream about my book, I would have rolled over and gone back to sleep. Instead, I got up and put on some fuzzy socks before padding into my office. It was freezing in the house right now, which could be chalked up to the torrential rain we were having. Wes had complained last night that she left Jersey for the good weather in California.
I laughed and said in the winter here, it didn’t snow, it just rained buckets. I made a cup of hot cocoa with the mini microwave I had up here and got to work, trying to type as softly as possible. Although the chances of anyone hearing me over the rain were very slim.
There was a soft tap on the door and I looked up, wondering who would be up right now. From the looks of the hair, it was Mikey.
“What are you doing up so early?” He asked, closing the door behind him. He was wearing a Star Wars t-shirt and pajama pants.
“I could ask you the same question.” I said, pretending I was searching for a new song on the playlist.
Of course the one I picked would be “Demolition Lovers.” Like it hasn’t been awkward enough between Mikey and me the last few weeks they’ve been here. If there are people around, its fine. We don’t have to talk to each other.
But if they leave the room or he happens to come in when I’m alone, holy fuck is it tense. We don’t know what to say to each other.
“So I see you liked it with music.” Mikey said, leaning against my desk.
“When I first heard it, I wished you’d been the one singing it.” I couldn’t take the words back once they were out.
“Gerard’s a better singer.” There was what they call a pregnant pause, a pause that’s going to give birth to something you don’t want to hear, while the lyrics he’d written for me so many years ago played in the background.
“You look good Mikey.” I wanted to kick myself as soon as I said it. That’s like the most cliché possible thing to say to someone.
“You too.” Both of us studied the floor like it was the most interesting thing we’d ever seen.
“How’ve you been?”
“Good. Touring….I have a girlfriend now.” The last part was almost so soft I could barely hear it.
“Oh.” I took a sip of hot cocoa. “I’m happy for you.” No I wasn’t.
“Thanks.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m gonna go back to bed now.”
“Okay.” I started typing again and he left. Once I heard the bedroom door open and close, I let my head hit the desk a few times. “Stupid, stupid, stupid.”
Of course he would have a girlfriend now. Any girl would be lucky to have a guy like Mikey. Just because I’d only had a few very short relationships several years ago didn’t mean that he wouldn’t move on.
I was an idiot for hoping….it doesn’t even matter now. I have the closure I needed.
“Em?” This time it was the other Way that was knocking on the door. I took one look at him and busted up laughing. He was wearing these weird ass skeleton pajamas. It took several minutes before I stopped laughing, which he spent with his arms crossed over his chest and a scowl.
“I’m sorry Gee. It’s just those pajamas.” I said, wiping my eyes.
“I’m glad you got a good giggle.” He sat on the big squishy armchair I had in here. “You’ve got a pretty good setup in here.”
“Yeah, its so I don’t have to go downstairs if I want some tea or something to eat. It’s mostly cuz I’m lazy.”
“It’s good to have in your creative space.” He stayed and talked to me until everyone else was up and I’d almost forgotten about the Mikey revelation until I heard him on the phone when I was walking past his room.
“Yeah, I miss you too. I’m gonna go look for a rental place soon, so you can come out. We’re staying with an old friend who lives out here.” Yeah, the girl who took your virginity can be considered an “old friend” I guess. “I love you too. I’ll talk to you later.” I skedaddled into my room before someone could catch me eavesdropping.
I hadn’t expected it to cut me to the core like that. I tried to put it out of my mind, but while I was showering there’s really nothing to think about and my mind kept rotating back around to his girlfriend.
She was probably tall and leggy, with flaming red hair and an interesting scar on her thigh from when she saved a baby from a charging wild boar or something. Someone exciting, someone unforgettable.
In other words, everything short, brunette, forgettable me wasn’t.
And for the first time in a really long time, I wanted a drink.