"Gee... I don't know who I am anymore."

Mikey is bent over the table, trying to study.
But words seems to fly through his mind, leaving it after a few seconds, and nothing remains in his head, haunted by too many thoughts, too confused or too clear, but he's not ready to face them.

"Hey... What are you doing here?" asks him Gerard, walking in the room.

"I'm studying... kind of..."

"Yeah, you're trying. Just like everyone else." he jokes. He, who hasn't understood yet what troubles his little brother.

Mikey laughed. A fake laugh. "Well, no... dunno..."

He slurred meaningless words. They forced their way out. He didn't wanna talk.

Oh my God, now he's gonna ask me what's up.

There. A fake smile. Eyes looking away. He's sad. I wonder what's up with him... no... maybe I got it. But he'll surely change subject, as always.

As he came out of his thoughts, Gerard figured out that, while thinking, Mikey kept silent.

Unbelievable, he's never like that. He's not Mikey if he doesn't talk, or laugh...

Gerard is now convinced that he could just stand there for ages, imagining what's on his mind, while he would keep his eyes on the book, while his heart would flip through the pages of his past.

"Miiiiikey!!!" He calls, sounding cheerful. "Come on, what's up?" And there he goes, minimizing everything as always.

Typical me. I got there the wrong way...

"Nah, it's nothing... I mean, it is a little hard... I can read but... and the teacher..."

A sentence which doesn't make any sense. He tries but he can't even express himself. And it's making him nervous.

If he sees I'm nervous he'll get there faster...

"Mikey, you can lie to yourself, but not to me." He says calm but confident.

"Come on, Gee! It's the usual things... I mean, as everyone else..." he says out loud, to mask his weakness.

Why can't I tell him how I feel? What's stopping me?

"Hey, who do you think I am? You can't lie to me, bro."

I joked again. Idiot...

"Gee, it's the school..."

"I don't buy it." he replies nervously.

"Gee, it's the stress, those every day things, it's everything together."

"Ok... next answer? This is not the right one..."

"You bastard..." Mikey smiles at him. That smile that apperas on someone who's just being caught and can't back off.

He can make me laugh even in these moments... If I were alone to think about my problems, tears would probably have the best of me, and farewell my lovely... Or I would try to think about something else, watching a movie, but then I'd end up crying more.

"Ok, next answer? Well... You'll have next answer in the next episode."

"Oh no. I want the anticipations, Mikey!"

Gerard's tense humor infects Mikey's too, with the only difference that Mikey's trying not to cry. For how long, though?

There, I can't even tell you, that he's off crying.

"Oh my God, Mikey, sorry, I didn't want to... I've gone too far."

He's crying to much to talk.

"Hey, come on..."

"It's good that you went this far..." and he keeps crying...

And suddenly, right when his voice is broken from crying, he needs to tell him everyting.

Once you open up that bottle called heart, everything comes out in a hurry, fed up of being closed in there. And the one who opens this bottle, is usually called friend.

"It seems as though you're trying to repress your feelings and wait for me to take them out! That is so hard! Mikey... why are you creating this void around you?"

"I'm... scared."

"Of what?"

"Of everything!"

"Not of me."

"Well, but you are... Gerard. Gee... I don't know who I am anymore."

"No, you're scared of being who you are. You're killing yourself, this way, Mikes. You never line up for anything, you never express yourself... And doing so you think you avoid the burden of choosing... That burden that makes everyone suffer. In fact, you are suffering..."

"Maybe..."

"When you say that, it means yes." but you're scared to admit it.

"Well... perhaps..."

"There you are, that's a yes."

Finally Mikey looks him in the eyes, getting angry with himself but saying how he feels.

"Gee, life is the burden to me... enough... To me, nothing exists anymore. Every thing I've ever done, went up in smoke, right when I thought I'd seen my expectations come to life... Enough, enough, if I'm worth something, someone please come knock at my door!"

"You're kidding, I hope..."

"No, I'm not, I'm serious."

"You're just building up a barrier... a coffin which will close you off to other people till you die. The perfect coffin for a masochist."

"The others built it around me."

"No... You allowed them."

"And what's the difference???"

"It's a huge difference! You allowed them... You, with your sheepish and... pessimistic behaviour. You're cold, to all appearances, but not to me, because I know you."

There. He got it.

Mikey starts crying again... once the bottle is nearly empty, we get to the bottom, where there's that spot that held all the suffering that crushed it, at first... the most painful spot. And Gerard just touched it, with that sweetness mixed with that good dose of persuasion which, once again, managed to stir him up. Better, it up. The spot.

Oh yeah. Because everything starts from the bottom of your soul... and, if brushed, comforted... that spot will be the reason of the renewed smile. Pure, this time.

"Mikey... You've been disappointed... And you let go... is this what you wanted? Is this the side of you you’ve always wanted to show to the world? Make you decisions. Choose to love yourself and not to pretend everything’s alright. Choose to face your disappointments, not to look cold and emotionless.” the one who’s never suffered “Choose to BE, not to SEEM.

“Whatever happens to you, Mikey, remember that happiness is not denied to anyone, not even to you. And you know why you don’t see it? Because you don’t see your true self, because you don’t like yourself, because you don’t appreciate yourself. So, how could you remotely think you could see your happiness?

“You’re special, though, Mikey. There are people who love you…

“Like me… I love you, Mikey.”.