My Dilemma

For the record, when I first met Kevin, I was under the intention that he was just as single as I was. No one warned me of what I was getting into when he asked me out after the third time I saw him.

But he knew. And the thing was, if I hadn’t found out about him by watching entertainment news or checking gossip sites, I believe he never would’ve told me the truth himself.

Kevin is kind of difficult to understand. You see, our relationship developed like any other relationship does; it starts with the kind of awkward stages, but then moves into liking each other, and eventually... the loving each other part. And unfortunately, ours got to that last part. I say unfortunately because that just made everything even harder.

Even so, even though Kevin told me he loved me and I him, I believed him.

That was, however, until I found out about the other girl.

Now, everyone knows that what the media reports about celebrities isn’t always true. Far from it most of the time, especially since they have the tendency to stretch things out to make them more interesting, or more appealing.

So when I first saw that they were reporting Kevin being with another girl, I ignored it. Because again, I just blew it off as another dumb rumor. I believed that Kevin would never do that to me at the time. So I just ignored the rumors.

That is, however, until I saw a rumor that mentioned me.

The headline for the article was titled, ‘Kevin’s other girl’, and it had a picture of me and him, just wandering the streets of LA. I remembered that day we had gone shopping down the strip.

The article defiantly mentioned me, along with Kevin, along with another name. A girl’s name; along with claiming that name belonged to someone else that Kevin was seeing. Curiosity struck me, so I Googled her and Kevin’s names together, to see what came up. And I ended up finding pictures of them together. Close together; like they were a couple.

So, naturally, I confronted Kevin about this. And at first, he denied it.

“What? No, I’m not seeing anyone other than you, babe. C’mon,” he reasoned, before taking me in a hug to try to put an end to my worry and curiosity. And that distracted me, at first.

His family, oddly enough, played coy. The open and usually honest Jonases had nothing to say on the matter. They wouldn’t even, at the very least, confirm that I was the only one seeing him.

Joe brushed it off, saying he didn’t get into knowing his brother’s private life. Frankie, as innocent as he was, didn’t know anything about it and was the only one who helped me at least worry less. Mr. and Mrs. Jonas stayed mum, and had given me the feeling ever since day one that they hadn’t liked me too much, so I didn’t really expect them to tell me anything. The one, however, that gave me the most insight just happened to be Nick.

“I’d be careful, Bree,” he said, as if warning me, “as far as I know you’re the only one that he’s dating, but... yeah. Kevin seems a lot more closed off than he used to be.”

“He wouldn’t do that to you,” my friend Katherine(who was dating Joe), told me when I asked her opinion on it. “It has to be rumors. The Kevin I know wouldn’t do that to a girl, especially you. He loves you, Bree.”

“I know that, but his family and the media aren’t exactly giving me positive insight,” I said. “Plus, I Googled that girl. There’s all these pictures of her and Kevin together. I mean, a lot of them. I don’t even know who she is; I’ve never even met her. And if she’s just a friend, I’m sure Kevin would have at least introduced me to her or told me about her by now.”

“I don’t know, maybe she’s just one of those famous friends,” she said. “You know, one of those people the boys have to hang out with to help the person’s career or something. Nothing personal.”

“Maybe,” I said. “I really kind of hope so.”

Too bad we were both wrong.

>>-------------------------------------------->>

Kevin spilled the beans the fourth time I asked him.

“Alright, alright,” he said. “She’s just this girl...” and the rest, after that, he mumbled.

“What?”

“She’s just this girl I have to date for publicity,” he finally said. I was stunned at this.

“Publicity? For what?”

“For our next album,” he said, and I couldn’t tell if he was lying or not. “She’s featured on it, and she’s a solo artist and the word about her needs to be spread. Okay? So there’s nothing really going on.”

“Really? It’s just for publicity?” I tried to verify. He nodded, before giving me a worn-out look.

“Yes. Bree, I love you. I would never cheat on you,” he said, grabbing my face between his hands before kissing me passionately. And there, in that moment, I chose to believe him again.

>>------------------------------------------>>

Things started to settle down a bit after that. But some time later, three months to be exact, I found another article. And upon seeing this one, my eyes nearly popped out of my sockets.

“Kevin!” I called, trying to mask my worried tone, but probably failed. He was in the room in three seconds.

“What? What is it?” he asked, actually looking panicked. But I knew I couldn’t fall for that, not right now.

“What is this?” I asked him, pointing to the article. “You’re engaged to that girl?!”

“What?! No!” he denied, but had a panicked look on his face as he took my laptop from me. “It’s... it’s not what you think.”

“It’s not what I think?! Well then please, explain! Explain to me how you’re not engaged to her when you’re clearly holding hands with her, and there’s a huge ass rock on her ring finger!”

“Baby, I can explain...” he started, and he started to look nervous. I didn’t take this as a promising sign. “Our record company told me to do this. It’s not real, though, I swear-”

“Your record company?” I questioned. “Since when do you let your record company make relationship decisions for you? I know you Kevin, or at least did, and I know that if you proposed to a girl... you would mean it. Meaning that you’re taking the relationship seriously, and wouldn’t propose until you knew for sure that the girl was the one you wanted to end up spending the rest of your life with.”

He didn’t say anything to this, and I took that as another bad sign. I sighed, sitting down again, trying to grasp all of this.

“So be honest, now. You at least owe me that much. Is it really fake? Or is this engagement one-hundred percent real?!” I demanded. It took him a moment before he answered.

“Baby, my parents really approve of her-”

“That’s not answering my question! But wait... your parents approve of her? Meaning... your parents knew about this the whole time? And they didn’t tell me? They just stayed quiet and kept it a secret like you did?” I knew I was asking too many questions at once, but I didn’t care. I couldn’t believe this. “Wow... so they really don’t like me, huh? To let me just go along like this... thinking our love was real. But they probably wanted this to happen. They probably though I deserved to be heartbroken.”

“No, baby-” he started again, but once again, I cut him off.

“Don’t call me baby,” I spat. “You have no right to.”

And with that, I left the apartment that we shared. Yeah. Stupid of me to think we were going anywhere. Stupid of me to agree living with him and sharing an apartment.

Kevin upset me sometimes, but not like this. Never like this. And I didn’t ever expect him to hurt me like this, but he did. Now all I wanted to do was forget about him.

But, as much as it shamed me to say, some part of me deep down still loved him. Pathetic, I know.

I called him later the next day to tell him that we were over. He tried to object, to try to fix things, but I didn’t let him.

“You’re not good for me, Kevin,” I told him, “no guy who has done what you have is. So that’s why I say we just end everything now. There’s no point trying to be together again. Even if you did break off your engagement, I could never fully forgive you. You pulled me along for so long making me think we were in love, but we weren’t. Or well, you weren’t, otherwise you would’ve never did what you did. So go ahead with your engagement, get married to that girl since your parents so highly approve of her over me.”

And sadly enough, he actually did marry her. He actually married Danielle.

After he did, the media flocked me for some reason in a frenzy. I guess they believed in our love as much as I did, and were just as shocked as I was to hear that he got married.

I, sadly, also lost a friendship after I dumped Kevin. Katherine and I have spoken maybe once since the break-up; seeing as she was still with Joe, she was still close to the Jonas family. And well, it was either dump him and side with me, or stay with Joe and side with him and his family. I know it was a rough choice, but I didn’t blame her for choosing Joe. She loved him, and unlike acting like his brother, Joe loved her. I knew he did.

My and Kevin’s break-up, oddly enough, provided me with a lot of inspiration. With poems, songs, and many other types of writing.

And amazingly, I sold the first song I wrote. To none other than Selena Gomez & The Scene.

“This is a really deep song,” she commented, when I met with them after they showed interest in it. They found it on my blog site, and afterward really expressed interest in how they really wanted to meet me. Who was I to refuse? “And you said this is based off of something you went through?”

“Yeah,” I answered meekly, still not believing that I was meeting her and her band. She gave me a sad smile.

“I’ll make sure to do it justice,” she said, “and whoever did this to you... was an idiot, I’m sure. So I’ll make sure that when he hears it, he knows it’s about him.” I smiled at how compassionate she was being, and couldn’t help but feel that even though I didn’t or couldn’t really hurt Kevin like he hurt me, that this would at least struck a nerve if he ever heard it.

I knew it was the least that he deserved.

I could live without you,
Your smile, your eyes,
The way you make me feel inside,
I could live without you,
But I don't wanna,
I don't wanna....
Oh,
You make me so upset sometimes...
Here's my dilemma,
One half of me wants ya,
And the other half wants forget,
My my my dilemma,
From the moment I met ya,
I just can't get you out of my head,
And I tell myself to run from you,
But I found myself attracted to my dilemma,
My dilemma,
It's you, it's you,
It's you, it's you,
It's you, it's you,
It's you, it's you,
It's you, it's you,
It's you, it's you...
My my my dilemma.