Uncharted

At first, I didn't want to believe that he was standing there. I tried my hardest to blink a few times in hopes that the image might just disappear. Sadly, it didn't, and I was left to face the last person I wanted to see that day.

"Lovely weather, eh?" He said, a little smirk tugging at the corner of his lips.

However, it was obvious that I wasn't happy about this. Walking over to him, I began to beat him in the arm with the binder I had been using to cover my head. "What the fuck are you thinking?! You could catch pneumonia out here!! And then what?! The entire city would fucking hate me! Get. In. My. Car!"

I could tell that he was suppressing a laugh as we both made our way towards my car. Tugging open the driver's side door, I slide myself into the seat. Turning my head to Jonny, I was fully prepared to light into him yet again, but I was greeted by something else entirely. His lips met mine quickly and hard. Something told me that he needed this; that we both needed this. I wanted to push him away. I wanted to tell him to stop, and that this wouldn't help us at all.

But I couldn't.

My hand ran across his neck, bringing him in. If there was any way for him to get closer to me, he would have in that moment. I felt his hand trace up my arm to my hand and take a hold of it, lacing our fingers together. Our hands lowered to his lap just as our lips began to drift apart. It wasn't until his face was inches from mine that I realized I was crying.

"Hey. None of that," he whispered, wiping the tears that were falling down my face. I wasn't sure how they could tell the difference from the tears and the rain that had just soaked me to the bone. Shaking my head lightly, I couldn't seem to make myself speak. "How about we head to my place and try to talk about this?"

Again, nothing. Not a single word came out of my mouth. Instead, I gave a slight nod. Whether I wanted to talk to Jonny or not, that's where I was headed.

-x-

"Are you feeling better?" Jonny questioned. He emerged from his bathroom rubbing a towel against his still damp hair.

We hadn't talked much since we had gotten to Jonathan's. Once inside, he handed me a Blackhakws hoodie and a pair of basketball shorts, both of which threatened to eat me alive because they were so big. "I guess," I practically whisper, kicking myself for ever agreeing to this meeting. It's not like one kiss was going to magically make our relationship better. We had a lot to work out...and I doubted that we would solve this problem all in one night.

I looked up at him to see his face mirroring mine in sadness. This was getting harder and harder by the minute.

"Bailey, I'm so incredibly sorry for what happened the other day. You were never supposed to find out that way, but you were going to find out," he began, choking slightly on his words. "When all of this happened, I didn't feel like we were in a stable enough place for me to bring it up. We had just gotten back together and I thought that..."

"You thought that if I found out, I'd walk away," I said, completing his sentence. "If that's the case, you really don't know me very well, Jonny."

He reached out and took my hand in his. For a moment, I let it linger there, enjoying its warmth, but then I had to pull it away. Things weren't okay, and I wasn't sure if they ever would be again. "I know that now, Bailey. Do you have any idea how much I regret not telling you about it all? I have been kicking myself for two days worrying that I would never get the chance to see your again, or talk to you, or kiss those beautiful lips that I love so much," his hand reached up and grazed my lips lightly, which was the trigger to send another round of tears streaming down my face.

"But it's not that easy," I practically shouted, more at myself than at him. Quickly I stood up and turned to face him, taking a few steps backwards. "I want it to be that simple, Jonathan, but it isn't. Saying you're sorry and kissing me in the rain doesn't make up for it."

"Don't you think I know that?" Jonny said, running his hands over his face before letting them fall. "Don't you think I realize that it's going to take months and months for me to make this right? I've been trying to think of something, anything, that might help you forgive me. Standing outside the reception hall today was a stupid thing to do. I know that little effort doesn't mean a thing to you but..."

"But it DOES mean something to me, Jonny! That's the problem." I was yelling now, and I couldn't seem to make it stop. Every word made my voice pop and crack, but they had to come out...this had to come out. "Everything you do means something to me. I wanted nothing more than to jump into your arms and kiss you right there in the rain, like some sappy romantic comedy, but I can't...and it's killing me."

He stood up and made his way towards me, this time taking both of my hands in his. I tried to tug them away, but he wouldn't let me. "Then forgive me. Say you accept my apology and you can take me back. Please, Bailey. You mean more to me than anything else in my life. I would give up my hockey career if it meant that I could hold you in my arms forever..."

With every word that poured out of his mouth, the tears began to fall harder than I ever before. "Don't," I whispered. "You can't say that!" My voice came out much louder with the second set of words. I managed to yank my hands free from his and began to pound away at his chest, much like a child would do during a fit. "You can't say that to me... I just...can't..." The words came out breathlessly.

In a way, I was shocked at my own anger, but there it was. I knew that everything that was coming out right now, the tears, the punched, the words, it was more than just what had happened between Jonathan and I. It was the pent up frustrations I had with the bride I had been working with for months. It was the lack of sleep, the stress, the everything.

Jonathan said nothing and let me take out my frustrations on him. When I had finally run out of steam, he just wrapped his arms around me and kept me still. There were still tears pouring out of my eyes, and I couldn't make them stop. Kissing my head softly, he let me go and pulled me towards his bed.

The thought of sleep was a welcomed idea and could lead to a pleasant dream.