Jumping Into Rivers

A low groan was heard as a certain Doncaster boy fluttered his eyes open. He squinted at the fresh morning light and flung the duvet over his head. Louis didn’t know what time it was – all he knew was that it was far too early to be awake. He shivered as a cold breeze drifted through his open window. Even though he was protected by his thick duvet, the chill still managed to hit him. He pulled his legs in so he was huddled under the covers, a small pout on his face. He was too lazy to get up and close the window, so instead he let the cold in. “Good morning, Louis.” Louis heard. He snapped his eyes open and sat up straight in bed, flinging his covers away from him. His breathing was shallow and his heart was racing. That voice was so close, as if someone was standing right by his bed, mouth pressed to his ear. And, he could have swore he even felt the tickle of a breathe on his skin. But, there was no one there. Louis cursed and clutched his head with both of his hands. “You’re losing it, Tomlinson. You’re losing it.”

He took a couple of deep breaths and regained himself. “It’s nothing,” he whispered to himself, “it’s nothing.” He tilted his head back, looking at the white ceiling in thought. His heartbeat was just back to its normal rate, when he was given another fright. “Morning, Lou!” Harry cried, flinging the door open with a grin, dressed only in a towel wrapped around his waist, his curly hair hanging in wet strands. Louis rubbed his eyes and stared. Why on earth was Harry so happy and awake at this time in the morning? “What are you doing?” Louis asked groggily, as Harry sat himself on the end of the bed. “What are you doing?” Harry retaliated with a laugh, “It’s twelve o’clock, how are you still in bed? I thought I would give you a bit of a lie in this morning, but now you’re just taking the piss. It’s boring when you’re not awake!” Louis stopped himself from smiling, and frowned instead. “Why? Where’s everyone else?”

Harry cocked his head, trying to remember. “Liam’s gone off to see his mum,” he squinted his eyes in thought, “Zayn and Niall went off somewhere too...I think they said something about bungee-jumping by Tower Bridge and then seeing ‘The Wizard of Oz’ at the West End.” Louis scrunched his nose up in confusion, “The Wizard of Oz?” Harry nodded, “Yeah. Don’t you remember them talking about it? I think Zayn fancies Dorothy and Niall...well he just wants the good ice-cream and a T-shirt.” Louis had to let out a loud laugh – to be fair it made perfect sense. “So, everyone’s out all day? It’s just you and me?”

Harry grinned, “Yeah. So, I thought maybe we could do something? We haven’t hung out in ages.” A small puddle was beginning to build on Louis’ mattress where Harry’s wet hair was dripping. He watched one particular brown curl as the water spiralled down it before dropping off at the end. “We hang out all the time.” Louis said, his blue eyes fixated on Harry’s hair. “Not properly! Not just us! I-I kind of miss it.” Harry admitted. “Yeah. That’s true,” Louis nodded, finally breaking his eyes away from the curl and instead looking at Harry’s eyes, “so what do you want to do today?” Harry grinned, his eyes crinkling a little, “I want to go to the zoo!” Louis snorted, “The zoo?” Harry’s grin faded, his eyes looking sad, “What’s wrong with the zoo?”

“Nothing. It’s just, getting a coffee or something is so much easier.” Louis shrugged. Harry pouted in disappointment, “Louis, we live in London. There’s a coffee shop on every corner. There’s only one zoo! Come on, please. I know you love the zoo! We haven’t been to the zoo in ages!”, “That’s because the last time we went Niall got us kicked out of the petting zoo for chasing the chickens, and Zayn got spat on by that Alpaca.” Louis remembered, causing Harry to snort with laughter at the memory. But as Louis looked into Harry’s eyes, he smiled, “Okay. I’ll meet you downstairs in ten minutes.”

-

Louis had to admit the zoo was a brilliant idea. He was having an amazing time, and he couldn’t stop the grin from forming on his face every time Harry pointed at an animal excitedly. Right now they were walking through the insect sanctuary. It was eerie. Harry would stare at the large spiders with wide eyes, and always stand a little way away when viewing the scorpions. “Hey, Harry!” Louis said quietly, pulling on Harry’s jumper sleeve to get him to move closer to the glass container, “Look at this one.” Louis leaning his head in closer to get a better view of the massive spider that sat perfectly still. Harry wearily leaned in too, his head touching Louis’. Louis smiled slightly to himself as the curls tickled his cheek. “He’s huge.” Harry whispered in awe, admiring the dangerous eight-legged creature. They both leaned in a fraction more; however both sprang back with screams as the spider leapt forward. “Bastard!” Harry cried, “he was waiting to do that!” he turned to Louis who was doubled over in laughter. “You should have – seen your – face!” Louis managed to splutter. “My face?” Harry stated offended, “You should have seen yours!” Harry pulled a comical version of Louis’ surprised face, with sent them both laughing this time.

“Excuse me?” a young voice was heard. Harry caught his breath and turned around to see a girl of about ten standing in front of him, camera in hand. Harry put on his best celebrity smile as she asked, “Are you in One Direction?” her cheeks were a light pink. “I certainly am,” Harry smiled politely; “Would you like a picture?” she nodded enthusiastically, holding her camera out to her dad who was standing a couple of steps behind her. Her eyes drifted behind Harry, obviously keen for Louis to be in the picture also. Louis got the message. He wiped his eyes free of tears and walked up to the other side of the girl. Himself and Harry wrapped their arms around the small girl and smiled wide for the camera. “What’s your name?” Louis asked, facing her. “Jasmine.” She flushed. “Jasmine? What a pretty name!” Louis smiled, “It was very nice to meet you Jasmine. Have a nice day.” He gave her a wink which caused her to blush scarlet and run back to her dad. Harry laughed, “Cute, eh?” Louis nodded in agreement, “Yeah. I like fans like her.”

-

The boys were back home now, each one propped on a sofa watching The Sixth Sense, a cardboard take-out box full of pizza sat on the coffee table between them. Harry shoved another piece of it in his mouth, fixated by the movie, while Louis admired his toy tiger for the tenth time. “For God’s sake, will you stop staring at it!” Harry said through a mouthful of cheese and tomato. “But he is sweet, isn’t he?” Louis grinning, holding up the fluffy tiger for Harry to see. “Yes, it’s bloody adorable. Now, tell me, how come Bruce Willis’ wife is ignoring him? I mean, what did he do wrong?” Harry pointed his pizza at the screen, indicating his confusion at the movie. Louis sighed, picking up his own slice, “I can’t tell you that Harry, or else it will ruin the whole movie.”

“Why?” Harry insisted. Louis groaned, “Because it will! Okay! If you stop asking questions and just watch you’ll know!” But Harry wasn’t having any of it, “But I want to know now!” he whined, “I can’t be bothered to understand it.” Louis rolled his eyes, “Fine. He’s dead.” Harry’s eyes widened, “Bruce Willis is dead?” Louis nodded, “Yeah. But you’ve ruined it for yourself now! You’re not meant to find that out until the end of the film.”

“Oh,” Harry muttered, “so does that mean only the kid can see him?” Louis turned to the younger boy, “Yeah. Because he’s dead. That would be scary, right? Seeing dead people?”Harry nodded in agreement at the statement, “But, I think what would scare me more is that no one can help me. I mean, it would be only me who could see dead people, right? That’s a scary thing, being the only one. And it’s not like you can tell anyone either, because they’ll just think you’re crazy.” Harry’s attention drifted back to the movie, suddenly more interested in it now that he understood it. But Louis was sat still, his eyes staring off into the distance. Could it be possible?

“H-Harry I’m just gonna run up to the shops to get some milk. I don’t think we have any for tomorrow morning.” Louis was off of the sofa like a shot, slipping his Toms onto his feet and shoving his arms though his coat. Harry only had time to say, “But we have loads of mi-” before the sound of the door slamming was heard.

-

Louis moved quickly in the darkness. It was only seven o’clock but luckily his street was deserted. He wanted to scream out her name, thinking that somehow she would hear it. Louis licked his lips, his feet shuffling on the pavement. If only he had the courage to call out. But he was somehow scared of seeing her again. “Come on, Diana.” Louis whispered with his head down, hoping that the wind would carry his voice to her. “Come and find me.” He said a little louder. He dug his fingernails into his palms and stood still, this time prepared to call out into the black night. But just as he was taking a deep breath he heard from behind him, “You called?”

With somewhat relief he turned around, and of course there she was. Blonde hair dancing in the breeze, white dress ruffling around her knees. Those un-blinkable blue eyes ringed with dark shadows. Her pale lips pulled into a smile, “Go on,” she said, “just say it.” Louis licked his chapped lips and said far too quickly, “You’re dead aren’t you?” Diana looked down, a bitter smile across her face. “Yes, I am. How did you guess?” Louis looked down too, relief filling him at his correct guess, “Bruce Willis.” Diana laughed and said, “That’s not the first time that’s happened.”

Louis looked up through his eyelashes at her. Somehow he knew he should be scared of her. She was dead, for crying out loud! But, she felt so harmless. Damaged in a way. “How come?” Louis asked shyly, “How come you’re a ghost, I mean?” Diana tugged the sleeves of her cardigan down and spoke, “I’m not a ghost, not really. I am simply dead. I just...never seemed to move on like everyone else. I didn’t die in a particularly pleasant way; however I won’t bore you with the details. Shall we walk?” she smiled and walked alongside him, her silent footsteps now making perfect sense to him.

“How long have you been dead?” Louis dared to ask, feeling slightly more comfortable in her presence. “It was twenty-four years this June. I died in 1987. I know some who have been dead for longer – hundreds of years. They’re the boring ones though, always feeling sorry for themselves. They just walk around creating havoc for the living. I think they’re jealous really.” Louis was completely fascinated, and for some reason not at all frightened. He just wanted to know more. He wanted to know everything. “What do you do then? If you’re not frightening boy band members?”

Diana chuckled, “I didn’t mean to frighten you. I’m not really like the others. Only a few of us aren’t. You see, I believe that just because I am dead does not mean I am worthless. What I do is, I help people. People like you. People who are on the brink of suicide. Suicide is the only form of death we can see in advance as it is optional, all other deaths are just unpredictable – we never know when they are exactly to happen. That is why I found you. To stop you. Because I knew that if I didn’t turn up, you would have jumped.” Louis took a shuddering breath, a lump in his throat, “I would have jumped, for definite?”

“For definite.” Diana repeated sadly, almost as if she was seeing the death now, and the aftermath, the tears. And then Louis realised, she probably was. If she could have seen Louis’ suicide before it happened, the chances were she knew what happened afterwards too. “Would it have been bad?” Louis whispered, almost not wanting the answer. “I don’t really want to tell you that now. Maybe another time.” She whispered back, equally unwilling to reveal the answer. “I have one last question,” Louis said. They had walked around the entire block, and were now standing outside of his house, “You did manage to save me that night. So why are you still here?”

“That’s easy,” Diana said her mouth a thin line of sadness and confusion, “because I do not yet understand why you were willing to jump. I cannot move on from you, Louis Tomlinson, until I can understand that. I hope you will allow me to help you, Louis. Because I cannot understand without your help.” She looked at him with pleading eyes. Louis stared back into the dead orbs, “The only problem is,” he muttered, “is that I don’t understand why I was going to do it either.” Louis turned away from her and walked back to the house. He stopped just before the front door, and turned to her. She was still standing by the gate, her white dress almost glowing in the night. Louis gave her a brief, gentle nod, and the both of them knew exactly what it meant. Louis was allowing Diana to help him. The only problem was, Louis was afraid of the answers he would find.