Jumping Into Rivers

“Where the hell have you been?” A furious Harry demanded as he slammed Louis against the wooden door.

Louis’ eyes widened, not use to seeing his band mate so angry, “I only went out for a walk!” he insisted, praying that his words were not as slurred as he felt they were.

Harry’s green eyes narrowed in judgement, scanning Louis’ face for detection of lies. His pretty lips were pressed together, creating a thin line of disapproval, “I don’t think I believe you.” Harry eventually said, pulling back and removing his hand from Louis’ shoulder.

Past Harry, Louis could see a disappointed Liam shaking his head, arms crossed, a sad frown fixated upon his face.

Harry opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again once realising he wasn’t quite sure what to say. Again, he attempted but no words could form to express how utterly infuriated he was. Eventually, after his fifth attempt, he spoke, “I was so fucking worried, Louis. Do you have any idea? I’ve been sat here wondering if you were even gonna come back at all!” his arms made expressive motions while his eyes stayed firmly on the older boy.

“I’m sorry,” Louis begin, lowering his head in shame and placing his right palm on his forehead to try and focus his ever-growing headache.

“But you’re not though! You’re not sorry at all! Because if you were sorry you wouldn’t have even walked out in the first place! You just don’t have any thought! You’re just so...so selfish!”

‘It would be selfish, jumping into rivers, wouldn’t it, Louis?’

Those words from earlier repeated themselves in Louis’ mind. He could now not bear to look at the teenage heartthrob in front of him. When Louis uttered no reply Harry let out a grunt of annoyance and stomped his way upstairs, each sound of trainer of wood making Louis’ head thud painfully.

Sheepishly Louis looked up, knowing Liam was still in the room. He’d received the beating from mama, now it was dad’s turn.

“Louis,” Liam began with a sigh, “What happened?”
“I heard you guys talking.” Louis looked away from those brown eyes.
“And?”
“And it made me mad.”
“Why?”
“Because you guys don’t fucking trust me!” Louis suddenly burst, “I’m twenty years old! I’m not a child, Liam. I’m older than you! I can look after myself; I don’t need four teenagers watching my every movement!”

Liam didn’t even flinch at Louis’ raised voice, “You may be twenty, Lou, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have feelings. You’re sensitive, okay? We all are. Sometimes we blame ourselves, we get angry at ourselves, I get it. I mean look at Harry that time, he was a nightmare for about a week,”

“Harry’s a pussy.” Louis mumbled, although instantly after saying it he regretted it.
“Now you know you don’t mean that!” Liam stated, a tone of irritation starting to emerge, “If anything you were the one worried about him the most! You guys are so close, closer than anyone I’ve ever known. He’s just worried about you, we all are. And I don’t care what you say, there’s something wrong, Lou. You don’t have to tell me now, you don’t even have to tell me tomorrow, but I want you to figure it out. You’re our rock, Lou. Where would we be without you? Where would Harry be without you? Just...please don’t crack. Please.” Liam gave him a final look of desperation before snatching away the near empty vodka bottle from Louis’ hand and heading upstairs.

From the hallway Louis heard the thump of glass hitting plastic, his vodka in the bin. Louis sighed and rubbed his head. He thought about what Liam has just said. And it was true, all of it. But Louis wouldn’t listen, because Louis was fine, so he had convinced himself. By tomorrow morning everything would be back to normal and everything will be perfectly fine.

He stumbled up the stairs, using the banister as a life support until eventually making it onto the landing. With one hand on the wall he guided himself to his bedroom, feeling sicker by the second. By the time he’d reached his bedroom bile and alcohol was crawling up his throat. When one un-predicted heave emerged, Louis threw the door open to his bathroom and dropped to his knees. One second later watery vomit was projecting into the toilet.

“Ugh.” Louis groaned, resting his head on the cold white seat. The smell made him retch again but he was thankful to discover there was nothing left to throw up. Louis coughed and stood up shakily, moving to the sink. He splashed his face with cold water and swilled his mouth with mouthwash, although it perhaps made the taste in his mouth even fouler.

His eyes began to droop, and he knew it was time for sleep. Making his way back into his room he had just enough time to kick his shoes off before falling into a deep slumber on his bed.

-

Louis’ eyes fluttered open as the sunshine filtered through his window.

“Jesus Christ.” He groaned, squinting in the morning light and sitting up slightly. His head pounding and his mouth incredibly dry. Louis rubbed sleep from one eye and stretched, his bones clicking in satisfaction. But once his eyes had adjusted to the light, he saw the unmistakable figure of a human stood hidden in the shadows.

“Harry?” he said in confusion.
“No, Diana.” She said, moving closer to reveal herself.
“What the fuck?!” he yelled, pulling himself up and scooting away from her so his back hit the wall.
“Sorry to scare you, I didn’t realise you were awake.” She said politely, picking at her cardigan.
“What are you doing – did you spend the night?” before Diana could even utter a word Louis’ eyes widened, “Oh, fuck. We didn’t – we didn’t...did we?”

Diana snorted and raised her eyebrows at the suggestion, but before she could tell him ‘no’ he spoke again.

“Wait! You-you went home last night! I saw you leave! How the fuck did you get into my house! Did you break in? Are you robbing me? Just-just take whatever you like, I don’t give a shit!”

There was a pause of silence before Diana chuckled, “No, Louis. I’m not robbing you. Maybe I should explain, but...it may confuse you. Basically, I’m dea-”

“Louis! Louis!” Zayn’s voice was heard. The door was swung open and there he was stood, a Brit award in his hands held up high, ready to strike. Behind him was a concerned but rather groggy looking Harry with a blanket wrapped around his waist, hiding his dignity.

Louis panicked, his eyes flickering between the two boys in the doorway and the girl standing in front of him.

“I-I can explain!” Louis began.
“I fucking hope so, it’s seven o’clock in the morning.” Harry grumbled, walking into Louis’ room, Zayn following.

Louis was confused, they hadn’t even reacted to Diana’s presence, and Diana no reaction to them. In fact she was standing with her arms crossed, standing casually in the same spot.

“What the fuck where you screaming about?” Zayn said, lowering his ‘weapon’ and looking around the room, his eyes scanning straight past Diana.

“I-” Louis looked at Diana in confusion, she just shrugged in a way that said ‘I’ll explain later’, “I was-”
“You were having a bad dream.” Diana suggested.
“I was having a bad dream.” Louis repeated.

Harry groaned, “Oh, for fuck’s sake.”
Zayn just huffed and walked out of the room, “Well, seeing as we’re all up I’ll get breakfast going.”

However Harry stayed, looking down at his bare feet, “So, how are you feeling today?” he asked.
“Fine. My head’s a little sore I guess.”
“Serves you right.” Harry shrugged, he looked up, noticing Louis staring at something again, “Louis, what are you staring at?”

“What? Oh, n-nothing.” He looked away from Diana and back at Harry.
Harry raised an eyebrow, “Okay, whatever. Just, so long as you’re okay now?”
“Yeah.” Louis tried to smile.
“Good. Just...don’t scare me like that again, okay?”
“I-I won’t.”

Harry smiled and walked over to Louis, climbing onto his bed and pulling Louis into a hug in what felt like forever, “I’m sorry I’ve been so weird, but you worry me. I’m only looking out for you.”

“I know, Hazza, I know.” He patted his back awkwardly, only too aware of the girl standing beside him.

Harry pulled away and suddenly shivered, “Jesus, it’s freezing in here.”
“Well it’s not like you’re wearing much.” Louis laughed, although he had to admit it was rather cold.
“Whatever,” Harry waved it off, standing up and heading to the door, “See you at breakfast?” Louis nodded in response, “Oh, and brush your teeth. Your breath stinks.” And with that he was gone.

Once Harry was safely downstairs Louis turned sharply towards the girl.

“What the fuck was that?” he said, teeth clenched.
“What was what?” Diana asked.
“You know what. Why couldn’t they see you? Who are you? Why are you here?”

Diana sighed, “As I was explaining before, it’s going to be hard for you to understand-”
“Actually, I don’t want to know. Just-just get out! Now!”

Diana frowned in irritation, “But, Louis, you have to under-”
“Now!”

She began heading towards the door, however Louis stops her, “You can’t use the front door! What if someone sees you?”
“But they won’t be abl-”
“Climb out the window or something!”

Diana rolled her eyes, “Fine.” She strode towards the window and opened it fully. However, instead of using the drainpipe to her left to lower herself to the ground, she stood in the window frame, giving Louis one last look before jumping.

“Shit.” Louis said to himself, clambering off of his bed and running towards the window. With his head hanging out he expected to see her twisted body lying on the grass beneath him, but he actually saw nothing at all.

“For fuck’s sake, Diana. Who are you?”