Mistakes and Misunderstandings

I woke up to music playing softly somewhere in the room. Looking around, I found that the tv was still on; apparently, if you didn’t turn the tv off after the movie, it would play over and over again. At, least, that’s what I assumed happened, as I was once again watching the middle of Sweeney Todd. Ricky was still asleep, and I didn’t feel like getting up, so I stayed where I was and continued watching the movie. I felt safe with Ricky, like I did with Max.

Max. Just thinking about him was painful. I didn’t think I would ever understand how he could do this. Which led me to what I did last night. The towel was still wrapped around my arm, but it needed to come off. Whoever was going to clean our rooms when we left probably wouldn’t be too happy with all this blood.

I forced myself to get up so I could clean my arm again and take another shower before we left. When I got our, Ricky was awake, flipping through the channels. When he saw that I was finished, he got his things together for his own shower while I pulled out my notebook. I had dozens of new ideas floating around in my head and if I didn’t write them down soon, I’d lose them forever.

When I finished, I packed my bag and joined Ricky by the mirror, doing my make-up for the day. I’d have to do more before the show later, but I wasn’t wearing all that during the day. As I was putting the finishing touches on, Ricky dug something out of his bag before returning to stand by me.

“We need to get rid of this,” he said. I saw that he was holding the razor from last night. “Not just by throwing it in the trash. We need to get rid of it in a way that will last; it’s too much of a temptation.”

“We? I was the one using it last night. I’m the one who needs to get rid of it,” I said. Ricky shook his head, pushing his sleeve up. I’d never noticed the scars before. I listened as he told me his story, of how he tried to kill himself, of how he threw himself into his music afterwards, of how he never looked back. I told Ricky the basics of what had happened to me; I didn’t go into details of how long it had been going on or how many people I’d been abused by. It was just enough for him to know what had happened and why I was the way I was, especially about Max’s problem.

It took both of us to open the window in our room, but we did it and used the razor to cut the screen out. In one hand, I held the blade, in the other hand, I held Ricky’s hand tightly. “We don’t need this,” Ricky said. “We can make it without it, we can survive without this harm.” I took a deep breath before throwing the razor as far as I could through the open window. As strange as it sounds, I actually felt better once that was done. Ricky didn’t look so sure. “Maybe we shouldn’t have done that,” he said.

“Why?”

“We’re facing the parking lot. What if it hits someone? We could have accidentally killed someone,” he said.

“I guess we’ll just have to hope it missed. If not, we’re screwed. It’s kind of scary what detectives can find out these days. They’d be able to do some fancy math and figure out that it came from this window, and they’d find out that we were staying here when it was thrown.”

“There’s not much we can do now though,” Ricky said. “We still have about an hour until we leave. I say we call room service and have some breakfast brought up.”

The two of us ate while watching some movie on SyFy about ants taking over the world and killing people. It was…interesting, but what movie on that channel isn’t? Ricky walked me to my bus before heading towards his. “I’ll see you tonight,” he said. “Text me if Max is getting to you and nobody’s doing anything about it.”

“I plan on making my guys stay in the back with me today so we can work on some new songs. But I’ll remember that.” I hugged him before climbing the steps to my bus.

I was the last one on, and everyone was sitting in the lounge area. I greeted everyone; well, almost everyone. It was only 11am, but Max had a beer in his hand and already looked drunk.

“Ry, Max won’t answer us, so I’m asking you,” Craig said. Everyone’s eyes were on me.

I looked at Max when I gave my simple answer. “No.” His face didn’t even change, but I know he heard me. I didn’t wait for anybodies reply before I turned to walk to the back. “Let’s go guys, we have some new songs to work on,” I called over my shoulder.

They joined me a few minutes later. Occasionally, Craig, Monte, or Robert would come see how things were progressing. Max never came back once in the seven hours until we reached the next venue, but Ricky and I texted throughout the day.