You Planned It, You're a Bandit

“Jack!” The girl underneath my sweaty form giggled. Her face was covered in smudged black run lines, from her mascara, and she looked like an absolute wreck. The thought that she was actually pretty, was reversing itself back into its grave, because under that inch high layer of makeup. There was nothing attractive about her. I hated myself for my honesty, but it was a fact.

“Grace, you need to leave soon.” My voice strained as I looked down at the broken smile she tried to hide. It was heartbreaking. Even if I didn’t like the girl, at all, I still hated to see them hurt, especially if I was the one causing it.

“I know, I know. I just wish you’d breakup already, so we can be together again. I miss you.”

The brunette smiled lightly as she pecked my cheek, and walked up the basement stairs.
A few minutes later I heard the front door slam shut, and I knew I had finally got rid of her.

I sighed and folded my hands behind my neck, and stared up at the ceiling. My eyes trailed to the clock. Which I can imagine almost popped out of their sockets as they scanned the time. Four in the morning, that couldn’t be right. Had I fallen asleep before I’d glanced at the clock?

Where was my girlfriend?

My Andy.

Was she okay?

My heart was pounding rapidly as I ran up the basement steps and into our bedroom as my mind went into panic mode. The light was already on, and there was a note placed on my side of the bed. My eyes widened in fear as I read it. Did she leave? My legs shakily ran over to the dresser reaching down to underneath my hoodie. Where was the familiar container with our savings? Where was the money? All of these questions popped into my head.

Alex. I can call Alex. I dialled his number and waited. One ring. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six.... My hand flung my phone against the wall as I sank down again. Alex always answers his phone by the fourth ring. If not he always phones back a second later. I knew him to well to not phone me back. Maybe Andy was with Alex and they fall asleep or something watching movies? Wait. Why would Andy be with Alex without me?

Were they cheating on me?

Or was I jumping to conclusions?

Either way my Andy was gone, as well as a piece of my heart.


I can’t believe I did that. I hadn’t had a girl since the night Andy left. I wonder where she was. I wonder how she was doing. The same questions repeat themselves every night before I go to bed. And there I go, into the old habit again. I’d been such a dick to her. I treated her so badly, always accusing her of cheating, yet I was the one who was. Yet here I was doing the exact same thing to this girl, using her for a night of fun. Hell, I couldn’t even remember her first name. I didn’t even know what color of hair she had. All I knew was that she was pretty enough, and she just happened to be there at the unfortunate time I was thinking about Andy.

I crawled out of my bunk and left the girl tangled in the sheets, as I headed for the coffee. Coffee always cleared my head. But it didn’t take the thoughts of Andy out.

Nothing did.

No matter how much alcohol I drank, her smile still lingered in my closed eyes, her voice still rang in my ears. I could still picture her sitting at the table in the morning when I got up. I could still feel her as I sank down in my bed after a night out with the guys.

But she wasn’t there.

My mind just loved playing tricks on me.

“Sound check is in fifteen minutes Jack. You might want to get a bit presentable.” Matt stated watching me, as he sat down next to Alex at the table. Who had a glass of orange juice in his grasp, and a blueberry bagel.

“I’m getting there.” My anger was unleashed once again, on the total opposite end of the problem.

Matt held his hands up in defence, “I’m only doing my job man.”

“I know, sorry man.”

He rolled his eyes in reply, but gave me a goofy smile after.

Zack then walked into the room with Rian, both of them discussing something. Their voices lowered as they glanced at me.

“I’m sick of all these secrets about me!” I yelled, “If you want to say something, say it!”

I turned and walked back down the hallway to the bunk, and told the girl she needed to leave. Her eyes went wide and she nodded quickly gathering her things, and walking out of the bus.

I missed Andy. No scratch that. I missed Andy terribly. I needed to see her. The thoughts ran through my head all of sound check. I screwed up my guitar part twice on weightless. And Alex was getting annoyed with me. So here I was, sitting in my bunk on the bus, wallowing in my self pity. Alex was above me talking to someone on his phone.

“Oh shit. This is brutal. How are you taking it?” He whispered.

I heard a soft muffled reply on the other end. It sounded a lot like how Andy used to speak. She always hated speaking on the phone. She said it was she felt awkward when she couldn’t physically see the person’s reactions or something like that.

“I don’t know Alex. I wake up several nights a week in tears. I can’t handle it anymore.” She sobbed. “I just miss him, even if he did break my heart.”

“Anyways, I have to go. Thanks for listening to me sputter over the phone. I love you.”

Alex replied softly, “You know you can sputter over the phone to me anytime. I just wish I could be there to help you instead of trying to over the phone. I love you too. Try to be happier okay? I miss you beeeeeeest frieeeeend!” He chuckled at her reply, and hung up.

“Alexxxxxxxxx!” I whined. “I miss Andy! When’s she coming back?”

“Jack. Don’t you get it?” He yelled. “She’s not coming back. You broke her into a million pieces! Why would she want to?” He shook his head. “Some things you can’t fix buddy.”
And with that, he walked away down the bus hallway.

What did he mean by that? Was that who he was talking to? I had the right to know if so.
Didn’t I? I stormed out of my bunk to the front longue.

“What do you mean by that?” I yelled entering the room. My breathing was heavy, and quick, as my mind was in overdrive.

“What do I mean by what Jack?” He asked with a puzzled look. “She’s not coming back? I’m not spelling it out for you Jacko. You have to figure this out on your own.”

Alex rolled his eyes slowly making sure I saw. As he shook his head as he walked off the bus. He slammed the door loudly so it banged on its hinges twice, before actually locking into place. Making a pair of sunglasses resting on the table, fall to the floor.

I hated when Alex was mad at me. He was my best friend. The guy who actually saw through my goofiness and immaturity to know there was an actual person inside. Not just a boy who liked to pull pranks on his best friends while we all were stuck together in a bus for four months or more at a time. Like Andy.

I miss her.

I miss her smile, the way she laughs, the way she walks, her voice, her hands, her eyes.

“I miss Andy.” I stated to myself in the silent bus.

The bus door opened again, and Alex jogged up the steps. As he shot me an apologetic look, “She misses you too.” He whispered as he squeezed my shoulder softly, and with that he grabbed his water and left again.

I was utterly devastated. I had ever been that stupid to let her go.