Can't Help But Wish

I was a mother. I had a son who was 18 months old and he was such a badass. His name was Liam and he was absolutely adorable (I'm allowed to say so even though he's my own child, right?)

Well, anyway, about two years ago I broke up with Liam's dad whose name was Zacky Baker. He was such a badass, too. Maybe that's why we broke up. Zacky played in a band and I met him at one of their concerts. I was there with my friend Val (who by the way is now married to the singer, Matt). I had never heard of Avenged Sevenfold before that day. And after that day I couldn't really forget about that band.

That night Zacky and I ended up having sex. It all happened really fast. Soon we were dating and then I got pregnant. We were about to get married, but then I realized that I didn't want to marry him. Even though I loved him like I had never loved anyone else before (and propably it would stay like that forever) I realized that we were too young to get married and he had propably asked me to marry him only because I was pregnant.

Let me tell you something about Zacky. We were together for like a year, but I still fell madly in love with him. It wasn't the fact that he played in a band, or that he was so handsome or that he was amazing in bed that made me love him. The way he treated me and how he was always nice to me made me realize that he was a perfect boyfriend. I couldn't really have asked for a better man.

Well, if he was so perfect then why did we break up? Zacky was a man who drank a lot. He smoked and he was covered in tattoos (not that there was anything wrong with that, though). And because of his band he was away from home most of the time. At that time I was pregnant and decided that I didn't want to be in a relationship with him because of those things. He would always be a father to his child, but I didn't want a boyfriend who was away from me more than he was with me.

So, we broke up and not much later Zacky had a new girlfriend. Her name was Gena and she was... Well, I wanted to say she was nice and pretty and all that stuff, but because she dated Zack, I couldn't. I think I would always not like his girlfriends. Just like he would propably hate my boyfriends, too (if I even had any).

Well, anyway, back to Liam. I didn't want my child to grow up without his father so Zacky spent time with Liam as much as he could. And I loved seeing those two together.

Later, after about a year after I'd split up with Zack, I understood that we could've made it and we could still be together. And at nights, when I couldn't sleep, I couldn't help but think that I could be happy with the man I loved.

I guess that after some time went by, I didn't think of it as much anymore. But sometimes I felt lonely without him. But then, when I looked at Liam, I understood that he was the best thing in my life. He was my number one man and that he would always be.