Can't Help But Wish

3 years later:

I guess in some funny way I would always be a bit stupid when it came to men. And I didn't mean that I fell for the wrong people or that I only started relationships with cheaters (though, that was quite true, too). What I meant was that if I ever loved someone, I would stay in love with that someone for the rest of my life. I could never get rid of my feelings for the person that I once loved. No matter how the relationship ended or if I got hurt, it would not change the fact that I loved the person. Because no matter what, I loved people too much to hate them.

Oh, why was I thinking about such deep things? Because I, Chelsea Mills (former Baker), had ended my marriage with Zacky Baker exactly two years ago. It was my second anniversary of being single and, to be honest with you, it wasn't such a great day. Our two kids, Liam and Lily (who was now two years old and looked exactly like me and nothing like Zacky which was a bit weird) were at their dad's place. And their dad was with his new girlfriend (well I guess I should've said former girlfriend because he was dating Gena again...) and all was well, right?

I'm guessing that, because I was alone in a big house at that moment and it was getting late and I was a bit sad, I kept thinking about my relationship and marriage with Zacky. Mostly I just wondered what went wrong and how we ended up like this.

Well, first of all, Zacky was away a lot. He suddenly was gone more than he was with us. And after Lily was born, we didn't spend time together anymore. He was on tour about ten months a year which made it pretty hard to be in a relationship with him. Then, on top of that, I got pregnant again... And we lost the baby.

And if that didn't make it hard enough, Zacky had started drinking again and I guess I did, too. After losing a child you just sort of... Start blaming yourself. When I decided to pull myself together, it was a bit too late to save our relationship. It just wasn't good for anyone to be in such an unhealthy marriage.

So we split up, exactly two years ago, and after that we stopped talking to each other. Zacky didn't see Liam and Lily in a while as we tried to avoid each other. Let's just say that it was horrible because, after all, we both loved each other.

When we broke up, Zacky went straight back to Gena. I was okay with that because I was so damn mad at him that I didn't give a fuck about him. But after I started thinking about it, I got even angrier at him. Practically he ran right back to his ex. Yet I couldn't hate him and even worse was that I really, really loved him. I thought that we belonged together and we would be together for the rest of our lives. But apparently I was wrong.

”Chelsea? Babe? Are you okay?”

I looked up to see my boyfriend, Jamie, who was looking at me. He stood in the doorway and looked somewhat worried. I sighed and shrugged.

To be honest with you, I wasn't in love with Jamie. I didn't even know why I was in a damn relationship with him. And who was he, anyway? Well, Jamie was my mother's friend's son who I had met over a year ago and apparently we'd been friends when we were kids. Anyway, I started talking to him after meeting him at my mom's place and then I just sort of... Had to get into a relationship because it made me feel safe, I guess. And Jamie was there so I figured, why the hell not? He was a nice guy, after all, and he liked kids which I happened to have.

The best part of being in a relationship with Jamie was that Zacky went absolutely fucking crazy because of it. He didn't want me to be in a relationship with... Well, anyone, which made no sense because he was in relationship, too. And to be honest with you, I wanted to piss Zacky off. I wanted him to feel like I didn't need him, even though I was still very much in love with him.

”Uh, yeah, I'm just a bit tired,” I mumbled and nodded. I forced a smile on my face.

”Well I just came to see if you were alright. I need to get back home,” Jamie told me.

We didn't live together because I still lived in the house that Zacky had bought for the two of us. And Jamie wasn't allowed to move into that house because Zacky was an ass.

”Oh, okay. I'll walk you out,” I said and walked to him. He grabbed my hand and gave me a quick kiss as we started walking to the front door. He pulled on his jacket and I opened the door, only to see Zacky's car in front of the house. He was walking towards the house with the kids. Oh for fucks sake, not now!

”Brought back your kids,” Zacky muttered as he glared at Jamie.

”My kids? Oh, thanks,” I mumbled and ruffled Liam's hair as he walked in. I picked Lily up from the ground and kissed her cheek.

”I'm gonna go. Are you gonna be okay? I love you,” Jamie told me after I'd nodded and gave
me another kiss. Then he started walking to his car.

”You can leave, too,” I told Zacky.

”What was he doing here?”

”Well, I happen to be in a relationship with him...”

”Whatever. I'm gonna go,” he muttered.

”Don't be such a little bitch. I don't come over to your place and bitch about you and Gena being together,” I told him.

He glared at me.

”You wanted this. You wanted a divorce,” he muttered and shook his head.

”We've talked about this enough. No need to bring it up again. And for the record, you were the one who ran back to your ex so don't blame me for moving on,” I muttered.

”And you're the one sleeping around in a house that belongs to me.”

”And you're the one who can't act like an adult.”

”Yeah, whatever. My lawyer will call you tomorrow,” he told me.

My eyes flew wide open in shock.

”What? Why?”

”I want to see my kids more often. I want a week with them, too. I want fifty-fifty.”

”That's not what we agreed on. There's no way they're going to let you have a whole week with them. Everybody knows you're away more than you're home,” I muttered and shook my head.

”Yeah, well, we'll see about that.” With that, he started walking back to his car.

”Oh and a happy two year anniversary with Gena!”

”Happy two year anniversary of being a little bitch!”

Jerk.

Let's just say that I didn't get along with Zacky anymore. At all, actually. Yet again, I could only wonder what went wrong in the first place.